Teen parents: yelling at the baby

[deleted account] ( 15 moms have responded )

Hello:

My stepson and his girlfriend are 18 with an 8 month old, and living in our home. We have a small home and it can be frustrating living on top of each other. We do our best not to overstep our bounds and tell the kids how to parent, but the girlfriend has gotten into a habit of yelling at or making fun of the baby when she's frustrated or tired. She also is prematurely trying to discipline her. My husband and I find it upsetting, but aren't sure where to draw the line. I don't think she understands the milestones in the baby's development and actually thinks the baby is "acting up". I know she must be stressed, but we don't want to see this happening in our home. Thoughts?

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Ev - posted on 04/26/2016

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Also, I want to add that you said the reviews on this place were not good. I can tell you another reason why that might be. When someone posts they are looking for validation of their problem like in a lot of the ones I have seen where the mom is trying to keep the dad from seeing his kids for whatever reasons--when she gets answers as to why the father has rights and should have access she gets mad and does not like it and starts to tell people to not answer there. Others want to know how to handle their kids and an issue with them--again get advice that does not validate what they want to hear or read. I think that a lot of those moms post on here thinking the rest of us who reply will validate their thoughts and when we do not they do not like it and they get mad. If I see something that is going to be more of a problem than it is worth I will say so if the question asked is to let things continue as they are or not do a thing at all. I have given lots of advice on here and some of it was not liked by several people. But they wanted an answer and I gave it to them. You have to stop and think: It is an international site and people live in different cultures and countries so that their way of life and their values will be different from ours.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/25/2016

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These "children" are now adults, and need to be providing for this child that they created.

Are they living under contract with you? If not, why not? ANY adult residing in your home, relative or not, should always be on a contract. This is for the protection of EVERYONE involved.

No contract means that you have no say in what they do in your home, regardless of your house rules and expectations.

My thoughts? You should not post from a deleted account, because 9 out of 10 times you won't get a response, or will get a frustrated post from one of the regulars about posting from a deleted account. It's irritating.

Also, you need to get those young adults on to a contract for living in your home. Include each party's responsibilities (yes, nitpick this down to the last little detail). Include each party's expectations. Set an amount to be paid monthly for room and board, and stick to it. How do you expect them to become self sufficient if you are carrying them?

Third: These young parents need parenting classes. Make that a stipulation of your contract to remain living in your home.

There. Help, irritation, vent and recommendations all wrapped up into one concise post.

Raye - posted on 04/26/2016

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I gave advice in my first post. I was trying to be helpful to other's that may read your post and have a similar problem, because I had no idea that you would come back. I was not trying to be a bully. Your actions are just confusing. I understand that people write about personal issues, and are generally upset about the problems they are having, but that also makes you too sensitive about responses. Just because we ask a question or have a different opinion than yours doesn't mean we're trying to bully you. You are taking this way too personally. We're complete strangers, and only have a tiny portion of the story that you've shared. And stop to think about it for a minute... Why should anyone reply to a post who's originator has deleted their account? Who would know for sure that you would log back in? It's highly unlikely. So, I was also trying to be helpful by bringing to your attention that by doing what you were doing, it wasn't the best way to get the advice that you were seeking. That's all. Take it or leave it.

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[deleted account]

It isn't good enough now! You're all a bunch of insensitive and unemphatic bullies.

The reviews of this site are spot on. People need help and look for advice and all you mean girls can do is criticize?

Do the world a favor and fall from your ivory towers.

[deleted account]

Nice empathy. Thanks so much.

I came here for help and all you want to do is be account police.

COMs is very unhelpful.

Raye - posted on 04/25/2016

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Many people won't comment if the person has deleted their account, as it seems they wouldn't be reading the advice anyway. So it does matter as far as trying to get advice for your question. Next time I'll just skip on by.

[deleted account]

I deleted my account two years ago. Since COMs took my question without requiring a reactivation. So I figured it was no big deal.

I'm here for help with a problem, not to debate the status of my account.

Raye - posted on 04/25/2016

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Deleting and reactivating your account won't keep people from commenting (whether they are rude or nice). We don't get your personal account details. If you have it set so the forum e-mails you when you get replies, you can change that. Are you just trying to block private messages? I don't understand what purpose there would be to deleting and reactivating the account.

[deleted account]

I deleted my account a while ago. As much as people say this is a respectful forum. I had a person be brutal and insulting in a discussion about step parenting.

So I choose to remove my account details.

[deleted account]

They are 18. They can't just up and move that easily. They haven't even graduated high school yet.

As I said, we tend to stay out of unless we feel the child will be harmed. For example, her mother is a huge influence on how she parents, as most mother's are. But her mother's advice is based on old wive's tales. The girlfriend almost fed the 8 month old honey on her mother's advice. We stepped in there and stopped her and explained to her why she shouldn't do it.

However, if her behavior is upsetting the rest of the household. Perhaps, we do have the right to set expectations about how she behaves in our home.

Raye - posted on 04/25/2016

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WHY CREATE A POST JUST TO DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT 2 MINUTES LATER?

It's your house, so if you don't like it make them move. They are the parents. You can make suggestions to them in such a way as to not make them feel you're overstepping. You have experience you're wanting to share, and that's normal. But ultimately how they parent is up to them.

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