teen sneaking out in the middle of the night??

Bonnie Ann - posted on 08/23/2014 ( 30 moms have responded )

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okay, now they're lot of parents out there that don't know what to do when their teen is sneaking out in the middle of the night. i must say that i am not a parent, nor an adult. I am in fact a 15 year old girl... and i have left my home in the middle of the night and been caught by my parents...

i have a lot to say on this topic and i know whats happens and how your teen would think. The first time i ever sneak out, i did not get drunk, i actually meet up with a group of my friends (all girls) and they were drinking and i didn't. Just because your teen is sneaking out does not aways mean that they're doing it to get drunk or to have sex... or to do drugs. You should never assume what they did, you have to ask them and the more calm you are the more likey your teen will tell you and openen up, if they don't tell you should tell them about how it made you feel and give them time to tell you what they did and what they were thinking. don't push or be nastry about the situtation, you will in fact make it worst for yourself.

my parents were mad, and i knew they would be... but being mad and yelling at me just made it worst... i'm not saying that, just because i'm a "brat" i'm saying that to benefit you. I know that no teen should have to sneak out and it took me a long time to realise that and it will take your teen a long time too... you as a parent have to be there even when we stuff up and yelling doesn't help, what us teens what is a loving and understanding parent who talks to us. a lot of people made say that this doesn't always work and your right it doesnt always work... you still have to ground us and do that type of thing aswell but you should always be soft before you harden on us. -bonnie.

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Guest - posted on 08/26/2014

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You do realize that WE were all teens once too, right? We already know how you felt when you got caught because we've pretty much all sneaked out in the middle of the night ourselves, and at some point, most of us got caught too.

When you sneak out, your parents are not mad because they think you were getting drunk or having sex, they are mad because any number of things out of your control could have happened to you; things that, at only 15, you are not equipped to deal with safely, and they would have no idea you were even in danger at all until it was FAR too late for them to do anything about it.

We KNOW that yelling at you is going to make you mad. Here is a news flash: We don't care if you get mad at us. Sneaking out at night will make us made.....but you didn't care enough not to do it, so why should we care about making you mad?

Of course we all want to be caring, understanding parents, and MOST of the time we are, but when you deliberately sneak out after we have already discussed those plans, listened to your reasons, and explained why we are against it, we have the right to yell, and you have to own up to your actions and listen to us yell and face whatever consequence we put forth. If you sneak out without even discussing with us your plans, you forfeit any chance at the listening approach because we never had a chance to use that. If you want us to use the listening and understanding approach, you have to be responsible enough to discuss your wishes with us BEFORE you go against ours. If you wait until after, you are just going to make us mad, and that just makes it harder on YOU.

Furthermore, just because YOU didn't drink, which I'm not entirely sure I believe, you were hanging out with other underage girls who were drinking. If a cop had happened upon your scene for any reason, you would have been arrested right along with the others, drunk or not. Possession is the law in all 50 US states.

Nadine - posted on 06/15/2016

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Yeah, here's the thing, parents do not make rules just because. Generally we make rules for the well-being of our children. So NOT making rules, sure, then you wouldn't break them, well you are rather showing your immaturity there.Parents make rules because we are responsible for our children's well-being. We are responsible to make sure they are safe, fed, and grow into responsible adults. Not just to make your life difficult and make you sneak around.

Dove - posted on 06/15/2016

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15 is too young for a boyfriend in my home, so he wouldn't be coming over if you were my kid either. Friends in small groups is fine. One on one at 15 isn't age appropriate... and my 14.5 year old daughters currently agree w/ me on that.

Clearly we can not make you respect your parents, but they have their rules and boundaries for a reason... even if you don't agree w/ them... being sneaky and disrespectful is not the way. Doing what you want regardless of the rules is actually proof of immaturity and major disrespect. When you are 18 your life choices are up to you... until that point a truly mature teenager will follow his/her parents rules whether they agree w/ them or not. You want to prove that you are mature enough to have a boyfriend and go and see him? Then don't do it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/15/2016

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LMAO Of course, we all want parenting advice from a friggin FIFTEEN YEAR OLD know it all!

MaryAnn - posted on 06/15/2016

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Maybe some day you will get to be the parent and even then, NO will still mean NO.
In an open and loving and understanding relationship you would NOT have to sneak around. I get it. Good teens screw up, too. But that trust is broken and it takes time.

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Hannah - posted on 06/15/2016

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Thank you for being concerned. My safety is what may stop me from doing this because the thought of my parents going through something like that with me getting hurt just reminds me why I should be careful.

Hannah - posted on 06/15/2016

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Thank you for your concern. The thought of my parents is the thing that is making me think about this very hard. I would ask my parents for him to come over, but they would not let him. And that's another thing. Teens would not have to sneak out if parents would just ease up and LET the kid come over. They would not feel the need to hide.

Hannah - posted on 06/15/2016

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He is my age, 15. I know it can be irresponsible but, every teenager will do something like that even when they know it is wrong. We're not going to follow the rules all the time, it's part of being a teenager.

Ev - posted on 06/15/2016

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My sis and I never sneaked out of the house but when my sis was 18 she was still in high school. As my dad told us we had to abide the rules until we were 18 or graduated. She was 18 but not graduated yet. One night she took a co-worker home after the shift and feel asleep on the couch at his house. She was supposed to call our parents if she had changed her plans to let them know so they had an idea of when she would come home. At 6 am the next morning my dad came in from his job and found out my sis never came home. He went back out to find her and my sis drove in. When she found out dad was out looking for her she knew she was in for it. She got two weeks grounding and could only drive to school or work and home. And Bonnie, we did not have cell phones then so it was only a split second call away. So though she did not sneak out of the house, she still broke a rule of calling in as soon as she could to let our parents know something.

Nadine - posted on 06/15/2016

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I snuck out of the house. I didn't drink or meet up with boys to have sex. Guess what, it was still dead wrong. Nothing bad happened, but what if it had? I have a 16 year old boy, guess what, he does not sneak out of the house, because he respects that I need to know where he is, and that he is safe. Most parents make very reasonable curfews, and the fact is, sneaking out it just a way to extend the middle finger to your parents. if all you are doing is hanging out. It is a sign of irresponsibility and untrustworthiness. If you want the trust and freedom associated with that trust extended by your parents you respect their rules. Because I trust my son he can do a lot of things his siblings were never allowed to (because they did sneak out, smoke, drink, etc. and were caught).

Janet - posted on 06/15/2016

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I think when you develop a relationship with your kids where they trust you and the lines of communication are open it reduces the chances of them violating the house rules. I'm a pretty liberal mom however I still have rules and so far my kids have followed them...mostly lol.

Jodi - posted on 06/15/2016

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I never snuck out of the house. My kids don't sneak out of the house. Only irresponsible and disrespectful teenagers sneak out of the house - and no, that is not all teenagers. If you want to be taken seriously in your endeavours (you know, the times you want to convince your parents you deserve more responsibility) you need to demonstrate your trustworthiness and you integrity. Sneaking out of the house is going to pose a problem for you here......on MANY levels , maturity and honesty just being a couple of these.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/15/2016

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OH BTW, I have NEVER snuck out of the house. I was honest, and responsible. Never needed to lie about where I was, or who I was with.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/15/2016

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You sneaking out of the house IS bad. Very wrong. Stupid. Irresponsible. How old is your boyfriend?

Dove - posted on 06/14/2016

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So... if you sneak out and something happens to you and you end up dead on the side of the road.... what do you think that will do to your parents?

Now... I live somewhere that I can w/ 99% certainty guarantee something like that wouldn't happen... but there is still that small chance that tragedy will strike and NO ONE can guarantee that it won't.

Don't sneak out at night... ever... please. Your parents don't deserve the stress and heart break of losing their child all so you can go and see your boyfriend in the middle of the night. Don't be that selfish.

Ev - posted on 06/14/2016

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. {{EVERY teenager is bound to sneak out of the house.}}---Okay here is where you are wrong---not every single teen on this planet sneaks out of the house. My kids never did. And if they got caught at it they would have been in trouble. I am calm when they did get into trouble but my voice showed my disappointment. They should get into trouble. Most towns, cities, counties, and states have laws that state curfews for anyone under 18 years of age during the week and on weekends. So really it is a disservice to yourself to be sneaking out anyhow.


{{ At lead once so why make a big deal of something that happens to everyone and something everyone does? And she said she want drinking! And it is wrong if you to assume that she would be. Just bc teens do eventually start doing that does not mean they do it when they sneak out. Is it that hard for you to believe that a teen girl can go out in the night and not get drunk? Or smoke? Damn take a break🙄I get it.}}-----It is a big deal. You at 15 do not know what kind of trouble you could land in. You could get hurt and your parents would not know. You could end up in trouble over anything. If you were with a group of kids drinking for example and the cops came how would you explain it to your parents and the cops why you were caught with underage drinkers even if you did not drink with them. There is so much out there that can happen and you do not think about it. Also there is just the danger of being hurt by someone.

{{ I'm 15. I'm on this bc I'm thinking about me first time sneaking out of the house. It's to see my bf that I have not seen in a month. I'm desperate to see him and the middle of the night is the only time. And FYI, I WONT be drinking thank you very much I will be coming home sober as can be.}}-----To see your boyfriend or not, you have no business sneaking out of the house to see him. As I said any number of things could happen to get you hurt or in trouble. Why can you not ask your parents to allow him to visit at home at a more descent time?

Hannah - posted on 06/14/2016

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I get your point, but I'm saying not every teen has intentions of doing things like that. I do not even think about having sex right now, I'm actually not even going to his house😂I'm going to meet him at a park right next to my block and this is just to see him. My point is, not everyone is going to do bad things. A teen may go to a bar, but be the one not to get drunk.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/14/2016

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But, if you are sneaking to see your boyfriend, there is a reason your parents think you shouldnt be seeing him. YOu may not be drinking, but having sex is bad too!

Hannah - posted on 06/14/2016

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To the moms here that say this was a horrible mistake and you SHOULD be punished, I have my thoughts on the subject. I would get it that parents would be upset and you would get in trouble. But the thing is there are some things that every teenager does in their life no matter what. Bad things. EVERY teenager is bound to sneak out of the house. At lead once so why make a big deal of something that happens to everyone and something everyone does? And she said she want drinking! And it is wrong if you to assume that she would be. Just bc teens do eventually start doing that does not mean they do it when they sneak out. Is it that hard for you to believe that a teen girl can go out in the night and not get drunk? Or smoke? Damn take a break🙄I get it. I'm 15. I'm on this bc I'm thinking about me first time sneaking out of the house. It's to see my bf that I have not seen in a month. I'm desperate to see him and the middle of the night is the only time. And FYI, I WONT be drinking thank you very much I will be coming home sober as can be.

Mandy - posted on 01/24/2016

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My son is 16 and sneaks out at night at various times.he has a 10pm curfew sun-thurs and 1am fri-sat.i have set those times because I would like him home safe at a decent hour and also because most of the time I have to go get him from wherever he is and because ever since I had pneumonia years ago my health isn't what it was I cant be up at all hours going out and picking him up and also I have a part time job too.he has sneaked out again tonight out of our kitchen window and I don't know what else to do with him.i can't handle this anymore.i never snuck out because I know I wouldn't be allowed back in or I would've been kicked out.what should I do?

Dorothy - posted on 08/26/2014

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I was a bad teen, I snuck out, partied, and yes my parents found out, I kept them on their toes. If they told me no I did what I wanted. I moved out of my parents. Now I feel bad for my parents, I have a 17 months old and she is just as a rebel as I was as a teen

Rebecca - posted on 08/26/2014

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My daughter is 12 and I would never allow her to go anywhere without permission! Not until she's 18 years old. Her friends are 16 and my daughter and I made a rule that she's not to follow them outside of school or home unless I give her permission to. Also, you've broken your parent's rules. Teenagers these days sneak out at night to party or go to someplace else. My kid knows better than to sneak out at night. She's the sweetest girl ever, but I'm always afraid that she'll rebel against me when she's a teenager. She only has one more year until she goes to high school in 8th grade and one more year until she's 13 years old.

Rebecca - posted on 08/26/2014

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My daughter is 12 and I would never allow her to go anywhere without permission! Not until she's 18 years old. Her friends are 16 and my daughter and I made a rule that she's not to follow them outside of school or home unless I give her permission to. Also, you've broken your parent's rules. Teenagers these days sneak out at night to party or go to someplace else. My kid knows better than to sneak out at night. She's the sweetest girl ever, but I'm always afraid that she'll rebel against me when she's a teenager. She only has one more year until she goes to high school in 8th grade and one more year until she's 13 years old.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/26/2014

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Sorry, kiddo, but your explanation doesn't fly.

You KNEW you were not to be out, you disregarded your parents' house rules, and you expect your parents to back off? Get a grip. You'll be a parent someday (hopefully later, rather than sooner, but with sneaking out of the house comes other, equally sneaky behaviour...often times ending up in teen pregnancy...)

Perhaps, when you've got your own kids, you'll understand. Until then, follow your parents rules, and quit being an entitled child that thinks she knows better then the adults who've already been there.

Ev - posted on 08/26/2014

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I agree that sneaking out remains inappropriate no matter the reasons for doing so. But where I live, a lot of towns and cities have a curfew for anyone under 18 during the week nights and the weekend nights. I think most of them run 10 pm for the week nights and 11 pm for weekends. They only make exceptions for if the kids are with family, returning from a job to go home, or sports events where the school goes out of town for it. Just because kids are doing this because their peers are doing it is not a good enough reason to sneak out. What they do once they sneak out remains to be scene. I know when I was a kid that some of my own peers did sneak out to go meet up with friends, BF's or GF's, or just to see if they could get away with it. We did not have the curfew's set by the city or town ordinances but by our parents and if we got caught we paid the price for it. Now a days in the United States anyway, where there are curfews set by the law of the town, city, county or state even, they kids get caught by the law there may be more penalties involved.

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2014

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Sneaking out remains inappropriate. Alcohol or no alcohol. Have the dialogue with your kids first, not after. Sneaking out still remains not ok regardless of intention.

Angela - posted on 08/26/2014

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I think Bonnie has indirectly raised an interesting point here ....

She says that when she sneaked out in the middle of the night to meet up with friends, she didn't drink alcohol with them. And the fact is that I'm pretty sure there are several other kids who wouldn't drink alcohol either. Because it's NOT the alcohol that has the kids sneaking around - it's the fact that other kids are out late and they don't want to be left out of the group.

Dove - posted on 08/24/2014

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My oldest isn't quite 13 yet, but my kids know better than to sneak out. They KNOW that I need to know where they are and who they are with at all times... for their safety... not because I don't trust them, but because anything could happen (accident wise) and if I don't know where they are... how can they get help?

Darn right I would yell if they ever got stupid enough to sneak out... but I'm a yeller (not proud of it... just admitting it) and my kids still tell me pretty much everything cuz they know me and trust that even though I'm not perfect... I'm only always trying to do what is best for them... cuz no one has their backs like Mom. ;)

Ev - posted on 08/24/2014

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I have to agree with Jodi. And Also at age 15, though you have done this and had your parents' do what they did with you sometimes a teen needs a bit more than a soft talking to. We PARENTS have been there and done some of the same things or something similar or knew others who did and we know what happens when the parent finds out. I knew about my cousin and his friend going to camp out one weekend and they snuck some beer with them. They asked me not to tell the parents. I did not but I knew they would get found out and guess what....they did. I have also heard friends at school complain because they got caught doing things they should not and now they have kids and are facing the same issues they gave their parents. When I had my oldest as a teen, I would tell her "Been there done that and this is why you should not." I guess she actually listened because my friend did the same thing with her oldest son and two younger kids. I have done the same with my younger child. We actually sit down and discuss what can happen if they were to sneak out or do things that are not allowed and why I won't allow it. It prevented a lot of things.

Jodi - posted on 08/24/2014

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LOL, so what you are saying is that parents should just be soft and LET their teens out at night. Uh, no. And if my teen sneaks out at night, damn straight he'd be grounded (and no, I don't yell). But at 17, he never has. So it looks like I did a decent job of raising him, because he knows better that to disrespect the hand that feeds him.

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