teen son girl issues

Maggie - posted on 02/20/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have a 14 year old son who used to talk to me and trust me with all types of topics and Id even go so far as saying he listen to my advice. In the past year or so he has shut down on me not wanting to talk about any deep issues. He will talk to me about football, or funny things that might have happened to him but nothing deep. Recently I found out that he contacted a friend of mine about an issue he had with a girl at church, to ask for advice. I was really hurt that he did not come to me instead but my friend asked me not to let him know that she told me what was going on because at least he was reaching out to an adult that could properly guide him and she was nice enough to let me know. I agreed but this was short lived since my friends son overheard the conversation and let my son know that we were talking about him. My son confronted me and told me he knew what my friend told me and he was really upset cause now he felt he had no one to talk to. I told him that my friend thought she was doing the right thing and meant him no harm. I also told him that his dad and me loved him and would always be there for him no matter what and that he could always come to us. He just walked away and said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Please know that although I don't necessarily want him dating at this young age, and I've expressed to him my reasons why he should wait, I did also let him know that if he started liking a girl and the feeling was mutual that I wouldn't be mad at him because I really cant stop him from being attracted to someone... that would be an unrealistic expectation on my end. I told him that no matter what he can always come to me for advice that I would not be upset with him and that I will always pray with him about whatever situation and figure things out together. Well apparently, he and this girl at church had been talking for quite some time, and he developed feelings for her and though that she felt the same for him. However, she told him she would see him at church on Sunday and sure enough she was there but she was sitting next to another boy and when he walked in she was very indifferent with him and both the boy and the girl gave him a smirk as if he were a joke. A friend of his told him yeah that's her boyfriend you should leave her alone. He told my friend that he felt betrayed and confused and didn't understand why she would consider a guy like that since she seemed like a godly girl and didn't understand this sudden personality change that did not match the girl he had come to like. Im afraid that there are a lot of girls at our church that like the attention and like to play games with the boys at our church. It makes me sad that he wont even let me speak to him about this so I can give him advice. He just tells me I don't want to talk about it Ive handled it. Im just afraid that he will continue to chase this girl and she will continue to play around with his heart and make a joke out of him. How would you all handle this situation. (sorry so long)

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Raye - posted on 02/20/2015

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Maybe you need to make him sit down and just tell him your thoughts on what happened. Suggestions: Tell him that kids (boys and girls) at this age can be stinkers and play games with people and hurt people. Tell him it's not his fault and there's nothing he could have done to make the girl genuinely like him. Tell him you lived through the same kinds of things and can try to help him if he would let you. Tell him you understand that he may be uncomfortable talking to you about some things now that he's getting older, but you do care about him and won't make fun of him or belittle him for coming to you with this stuff. Then you have to sit back and let him try to handle things. But pay attention to his moods, and always ask him how he's doing, how are things going at school, etc.

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