Teen who doesn't want to bring friends over

Jackie - posted on 03/09/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old finally opened up to me of why she wouldn't bring her friends over. She stated that she feels like her friends mom and her real mom are more lenient in the fact that if someone slips with their words or there's "a scene" in aovie she feels we would get on to them. We teach her that those things we don't condone and I explained that we are still her parents, not her friend, but we wouldn't embarrass her that we would simply reroute the situation. I also explained that she has never given us a chance and she should before she assumes our actions. We are always encouraging her to bring friends over. We don't have a HUGE house, but a normal size and we do have a 5 mo old as well. She has been making a lot of poor decisions and we suggested we need to meet her friends and have them over so we can start trusting them together as friends. Should we change our ways so she will want friends over? I would rather them over at our house then her friends and she has already stated she is goin to resort to staying with her mom more so she can have friends over there bc she is way more lenient than us :(

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Jackie - posted on 03/09/2015

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Thank you and yes I do agree with that approach. She hasn't had any friends over in a long time so I told her to give us a chance and not just assume we will be a certain way, but we are those parents that will monitor as we should.

Raye - posted on 03/09/2015

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What does her father say? Your daughter and her friends should be respectful in your house, and if you don't want them to use foul language then they should try not to. It's not the end of the world if her friends slip and use a cuss word, as long as it's apparent that they are otherwise trying to watch their language. Also, if they want to watch a movie that has cuss words or mild adult content, it's not that big of a deal. As long as they're not watching 50 Shades of Grey or something really inappropriate, then you should consider loosening up a little. Not all rated R movies are the same, and you might try to help her choose one that you would be okay with. But don't go too far and let her/them get away with everything. They may think it's cool, but you wouldn't be teaching her proper respect. So stay more on the side of trying to be a good parent over trying to be the "cool mom". She may not appreciate it now, but she might in the future once she gains a little perspective.

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