Teenage boy's self abuse

Cindy - posted on 08/26/2016 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Hi, new to this group and hope someone can give advice. I am a single mum with a 14 yr. old boy (as well as a younger daughter) who does what all boys seem to do - but in my mind - to excess. I am not sure whether I can use the 'm' word in this forum?
I have sought advice from two professionals (both woman) and was given conflicting advice - I am seeking advice from Mothers who have experience in parenting and particularly in this problem.
I look forward to receiving advice.
Cindy Lawson

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June - posted on 09/02/2016

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I was not contradicting myself, nor you guys, I just read UNUSUAL as USUAL - my mistake. that's what I've been trying to say... daily masturbation is just a complete normal thing for a teenage boy.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/27/2016

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Unless it falls off in his hand, then he isn't doing it to much. It is his own body. Let him have his privacy. You should not dictate how often your son masturbates.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/01/2016

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Oh, and as far as how open a teen will be with their parents...again it differs, but an experienced parent of boys knows when they discover their penis...if only by doing their laundry.

"...how wrong you are..." LMAO

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/01/2016

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What is your point, June? You are contradicting yourself. As I stated, I have experience! Two adult male children, and a husband that I have been with for 27 years, and guess what... daily masturbation is NOT UNUSUAL!!!!!!

Especially not a raging hormones kid. Speak of what you are experienced in. This isn't it. My husband mastubates. I masturbate! Normal act, my dear, totally normal.

So, which is it? Pick a side and stick with it. Don't wiffle waffle.

Jodi - posted on 09/01/2016

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I'm a bit confused - June are you trying to say masturbating daily is normal or is not normal? Because everyone else here is saying it is normal (and it is for some teens - normal is different for each child, but it is still normal), but you seem to be arguing with them about it. But then you say "if you think that masturbating daily is NOT usual then you don't even know how wrong you are.", which is in agreement with what everyone else is saying. So why are you disputing people's posts?

June - posted on 09/01/2016

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indeed, I am not a parent of teenage boys since I only have a 7 year old daughter BUT, there is my husband and we talk a lot about these things and if you think that masturbating daily is NOT usual then you don't even know how wrong you are. being a parent of teenage boys doesn't make you know it all since a teenage boy won't come to his parents telling them what he has done

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/31/2016

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June isn't usually a male name...and from that laughable statement, we can safely presume you are not a parent of teenage boys.

I have raised two, as well as having been married for the last 26 years, and as I stated in my previous response, mastubating daily is NOT UNUSUAL!!!!! Nor are multiple occurrences a day. Furthermore, women and girls also masturbate.

Good grief. Take your blinders off.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/31/2016

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June, are you a boy going through puberty? Yes it CAN happen nightly. Does it happen to every boy? Don't know.

June - posted on 08/31/2016

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If she finds it on a regular basis then I honestly doubt about it as it might happen once in a while, but not daily or even once every week or so.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/30/2016

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Also, if his sheets are stained like this, it could be happening in his sleep. He may not be masturbating as much as you think. BUT, it is totally normal and natural either way.

June - posted on 08/30/2016

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well... most likely you've received conflicting advice because there's not the "best advice". it depends to each child individually. so you might try one and then another one in case the first one failures to work

Cindy - posted on 08/29/2016

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Many thanks for all your care and advice. I must admit that I feel mildly rebuked for not delegating bed making duties before this !! However many thanks..Conversation closed.. Cindy

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2016

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I agree with the others. Stop making his bed and cleaning up his room. That is his responsibility.
Don't listen to your Pastor, she doesn't know what she is talking about. I don't even want to know what her "remedial treatment" would be for something that is a normal part of life.

Dove - posted on 08/28/2016

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Daily? Sheesh... by your 'concern' I was thinking you were talking about repeatedly during the day. Daily is nothing. Leave him alone and quit making his bed. He is a teenager... either he makes his own bed or it doesn't get made. He is far, far, far old enough to be responsible for taking care of his room and keeping his mom out of it. Give him the privacy he should be having... and he can learn to wash his own sheets (a skill he should have had a while ago now).

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2016

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There is no science to demonstrate a link between frequent masturbation and future premature ejaculation. What credentials did the author of that article possess? Premature ejaculation is actually the release of semen prior to or without orgasm. Not at all associated to sexual experimentation, promiscuity or masturbating.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/28/2016

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Oh my! My husband is 51 years old, and we have sex pretty much on a daily basis! And I know darn good and well that he masturbated frequently as a teen, and sometimes does now. He explained that even before our boys were born. Sexual drive differs for everyone.

Why in the world are you still making your son's bed and cleaning up after him, anyway? As Jodi stated, that is more off putting to a potential partner than masturbation or premature ejaculation.

As far as "remedial treatment", punishment is truly overboard. Your son is not abnormal. He is a healthy teenage male. I also have to point out that he is also at the age of wet dreams...

Jodi - posted on 08/27/2016

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Oh, FFS, just stop intruding in your son's exploration. It's none of your business. If it were detrimental and contributed to permanent premature ejaculation, men the world over would be in all sorts of trouble. To compare the need of a teenager, whose hormones are absolutely raging to an adult male, whose hormones have generally settled somewhat, is ridiculous. To compare the advice of a doctor to the advice of a pastor is also ridiculous. Do you even realise how silly you sound?

Maybe it is time for HIM to start making his own bed and cleaning up his freaking tissues instead of having his "momma" do it. After all, your tendency to clean up after him is going to ruin him for future relationships more than masturbation will. No woman wants a man who can't make his own bed and clean up his own mess......

Cindy - posted on 08/27/2016

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The differing advice given was firstly from my female medical practitioner (who took a very liberal view to masturbation) and then from my pastor (female) who decided that remedial treatment was called for,,,,,hence my confusion.

Cindy - posted on 08/27/2016

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Hi MIchelle, Many thanks for taking time to reply to my query. I did not express myself very well in calling masturbation 'abuse'. My query goes to an article I read some little time ago that said there was a potential link between excessive masturbation and premature ejaculation and I want to guide my son away from having premature ejaculations - as it can be detrimental to a relationship along the way. My only experience on the sexual relief needs of a male is with my ex. who needed relief about twice a week and my son seems to be masturbating on a daily basis. When I make his bed of a morning I cannot miss the stains on the bed sheet or the tissues he has tried to hide under his bed. If daily masturbation is the norm that I have no problem and I am not in a position to moralize......particularly my own activities after I discovered my clitoris !! I would greatly appreciate any further advice you may be able to give.
Regards
Cindy Lawson

Cindy - posted on 08/27/2016

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Hi Dove,
Many thanks for taking time to reply to my inquiry. I guess I did not express myself very well as my concern is more about a health issue than morality.
I read some little time ago that there was a potential link between excessive masturbation and premature ejaculation and so my concern is to somehow guide my son away the potential dangers of 'overdoing it' and I suppose with the future welfare of his relationship as premature ejaculation can be off putting for his partner along the way.
I can only go on what my ex. needed in sexual relief and that was about twice a week and so I tend to think that daily masturbation is a little excessive.......perhaps it is normal for a 14yr. old with hormones going in all directions ? I make his bed each morning and it is obvious from stained bed sheets and tissues hidden under his bed that he masturbates daily........hence my query - is this normal for a 14yr.old? If so, I have no problem......I know what I was like when I discovered my clitoris !!!!
I would appreciate any further help you think is appropriaate.
Regards
Cindy Lawson

Dove - posted on 08/27/2016

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lol LMCBW. Reminds me of when the boy was a toddler in the tub. The way he would yank on himself I would always say 'don't pull it off, you're going to need it later'... lol

Sarah - posted on 08/27/2016

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I agree with the advice given. I am curious what professional advice you were given and by what sort of professional?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/27/2016

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Let me guess: the dreaded m word is masturbation...

Which is a completely normal act, and believe it or not, girls do it as well. Why do you call it self abuse?

Honestly, I am amazed that the number of mother who seem to keep a tally sheet for their kids masturbation. It is none of your business. How DO you know how often he mastubates?

Dove - posted on 08/27/2016

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What do self abuse and masturbation have to do w/ each other?

As long as he is still finding time to eat, sleep, go to school, do his chores/homework, and have some sort of an outside life and he's not complaining that he's hurt himself... leave him be.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2016

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So how do you know he is masturbating more than usual?
I wouldn't have a clue how often my 15yo son masturbated and it's honestly none of my business.
Why have you called it abuse? It's a normal part of life.

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