Teenage daughter thinks she can run the show

Piepke Van - posted on 03/24/2015 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 15-year-old daughter has always had a problem with the rules .. whenever i try to get her to clean her room it ends in disaster and tears and her running away to her dad. This has happened like 3 times in the last year and a half. Last year she stayed away for nearly 3 months. Last week same show - she left to visit her dad for the weekend and left her room like a bombing had taken place. I called her to confront her that yet again she did not keep her promises to me and as a result she does not want to come home.
Now she is blaming my boyfriend (he can't stand her she says) because he's stricter about the rules than me. She hates where we live, how we live, whom i live with .. so she wants me to sell my house - find us an appartment in the city and then what ??
I am really at my wit's end .. the blame game - i cannot take it anymore. Last weekend i had a nervous breakdown and it was not a pretty sight to see.
I understand where all of her issues are coming from but i really do not want to make these life changes for a teenager who will not be satisfied or show me respect anytime things do not go her way.
Thanks for your comments in advance

11 Comments

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River - posted on 03/24/2015

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I agree with Shawn. If you're allowing your boyfriend to set rules and act like her father then that may be another reason she's acting out. She may also still be upset that you and her father didn't work out. Also, the mood swings are normal for a teen. But if it's way over the top it could be something else. Maybe have her see a psychiatrist.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/24/2015

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Other than agreeing with Jodi, Michelle, and Gena, I do have to say that, if you're allowing your boyfriend to discipline your daughter and arbitrarily set rules without full house discussion, you're going overboard and expecting him to be a miracle worker.

Jackalope - posted on 03/24/2015

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The way my Mom would've handled this would've been to clean out rooms. And when I say "clean", I mean clean everything out except for our bed, and dresser (with 7 pairs of clothes). Everything else would've been in the trash. I will probably do the exact same thing my Mom threatened to do, but we never have her the chance to actually do.

I would have a talk with her Father. He needs to stop letting her run away to him every time she doesn't like something. It's going to hurt her later on in life. If he doesn't listen, then she'll have to live there. She'll realize that there rules everywhere and she's going to have to deal with it. She'll realize later that what her father is allowing her to do is wrong, and she'll tell you that she wished she would've listened to you. My Mom never let me run away from my problems, and if there's court ordered visitation, then Dad has to bring her back home when his weekend (or week, or whatever you guys have worked out) is over. He can actually get his visitation rights taken away totally if he doesn't follow the court order.

Piepke Van - posted on 03/24/2015

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Her dad is the 'shrug my shoulder and say well yes' type .. He and I have never been able to talk things through. I think that he secretly holds me responsible anyway and actually doesn't give a crap about it.

Piepke Van - posted on 03/24/2015

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Believe me, dear Ketchup, I have been understanding and tried the soft approach for years now .. running away from a problem doesn't solve it and unfortunately none of us have magic wands to turn our world around. The tantrums are just soooooo tiring ..

Piepke Van - posted on 03/24/2015

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Thanks for your reply .. We have been living together for more than a year now and been together for short over 2 years. My daughter has had this 'problem' like forever. She's always been reluctant to do anything around the house. When she's in a good mood she will but most of the time she is in a bad mood. Everyone and everything is stupid, boring .. her mood swings are terrible. I have contemplated the idea of leaving her with the bare minimum before but she can even make that into a stinking hole within days. I now feel that maybe I should leave her with her dad until she's ready to make a change.

Jodi - posted on 03/24/2015

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So take all the crap out of her room. Let her know what will happen if she leaves you to clean it....and then follow through with that. If she can't be responsible for it and leaves it like a bomb hit it, pack it up and leave her with the bare minimum.

However, I will ask....how long has the boyfriend been living with you?

And you also did NOT have a nervous breakdown last weekend - no way....advice from someone who has had an "actual" nervous breakdown. Maybe you broke down, but that was not a nervous breakdown.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2015

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I'm also wondering what her Dad is saying. He should be sending her home and telling her that just because she doesn't want to follow the rules doesn't make it OK to run away.
All he is teaching her is to run away from her problems or when she doesn't want to do something. Is that the type of young adult you want to raise?

Ketchup - posted on 03/24/2015

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Don't be mean to her. I'm fifteen btw so I understand her side. You shouldn't force her to do things. let her do it in her own time

Gena - posted on 03/24/2015

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Have you spoken to her dad? I would tell him to send her back home if you call because she hasn't obeyed the rules of cleaning her room. She should not be able to run to dad when she isn't happy about cleaning. She tells you to sell the house? She is 15..YOU are the parent and YOU make the rules. She must learn to obey and not demand things from you. If she can't even clean her room without drama what makes her think she can tell you to sell the house and move?Don't let her tell you what to do. You are her parent and she must start learning to listen and obey you.

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