Teenage daughter treating everyone who cares about her horribly

Danielle - posted on 11/02/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am at my wits end. I have a 16 year old who I do a ton for and has always been on the needy side. She has some ADD type issues in school with reading and writing but excels in math and science. She has struggled since childhood with knowing her personal boundaries, losing friendships and very low self esteem which no matter what we have tried, can't seem to break. She has been in and out of therapy, etc. She refuses to open up to talk to anyone. Two years ago she suffered through a horrible depression with cutting and put me through hell. She has since gotten better but no matter what I try to do to help her self esteem and reframing all the negative into positives, she won't budge in trying to help herself. She has a boyfriend for close to a year now who absolutely adores her. In the beginning before she really showed her true self, she was sweet to him but now that their relationship has grown, she is horribly mean to him and she basically says that he takes it. He is a sensitive great kid and it makes me crazy to see this. She says he is boring and wants to dump him but can't because he will do something crazy. She continues on with this relationship and it is sad to watch because he dreams of spending his future with her. I try to explain how hurtful she is being and that if she really feels this way, she should be honest and at least caring about his feelings. She is rude and sarcastic to me, my husband her her brother. Not appreciative at all. I am not sure what to do at this point.

I just basically told her that I am done with helping her do anything until I see a change in her behavior but it is so very hard.

I would really love to hear some feedback from other moms.



Suzy - posted on 11/05/2015




I think you are right in the sense that you need to step back and let her learn from her own mistakes. I have a son that has ADHD now as an adult and had it when he was a child. It is very tough because I think the low self-esteem comes with that. I’ve tried everything to try to make him feel better about himself but had to let go and let him be responsible for his own happiness. He has refused to go to counseling. I would suggest you stick with counseling for your daughter, especially since she has shown the cutting, etc. She may not want to appear she’s getting anything out of it, but I would venture to say that she is. I also would ensure that she receives consequences from her actions on how she is treating you, your husband and your son. That is not acceptable behavior. I would suggest you talk with her about consequences of her actions but you must stick to them. Taking away privileges like phone, going out, etc. are good ones, especially if those are things she’s interested in. One of the keys I learned with my son is that sticking to what you say is very important.

Good luck in your situation. Things will get better, you just need to keep working on it.


1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms