teenage drug use

Jill - posted on 05/08/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have a 15 year old stepson been married less than a year to his father. Also 13 year old step son and a 16 year old daughter that lives full time with me. My 15 year old stepson recently started smoking pot everyday. His father smokes 4 times a day. Basically always stoned has been since he was 13. Husband is very successful business man. Responsible,but very immature emotionally. Can't cope. I don't use don't drink don't smoke, same with daughter. I make dinner every night clean house do laundry, take care of everyone. I have recently told my husband my daughter and I can't be around his son when he's stoned. I just can't do it anymore acting like it's fine. So if he comes home stoned I will leave and come back when he's no longer under influence later that day. My husband had a fit and is still mad at me and says I'm wrong for feeling this way and taking this position. Am I wrong?

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Jill - posted on 05/11/2015

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Thank you for your thoughtful post. My husband takes 1 hit 4 times a day. He's doesn't smoke like a whole joint or something 4 times a day. I really don't know what his stoned level is?? Or if that is even a thing? ? I think my husband may have some kind of hyper chemical imbalance. He would be bouncing off the walls if he didn't smoke. He wouldn't be able to relax. He did try to stop for a month. It was awful. I think there are some tools or skills he could learn to help. But it's easier just to smoke I think. He does have a very addict type personality. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for years. And has celiac. His kids do too. But things have calmed down and they both have decided to respect my wishes. My husband is upset because he feels like I made him choose between me and his son. Or that as soon as a problem comes up I bail. I didn't feel that way I was just putting my foot down that it's unacceptable for him to come home stoned and we all just pretend he's not.

Jill - posted on 05/11/2015

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Sarah, I very much appreciated your response. I have a lot to learn about addiction. You were right with everything you said. Thanks

Sarah - posted on 05/09/2015

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It's against the law for you to allow your stepson to get stoned. Call the cops before the school does and also reports you to CPS

Morgan - posted on 05/09/2015

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Hello--Please know I am not judging at all. I have no intention be to harsh. I am well versed in the whole pot smoking...addiction, enabling, etc...Addiction is hard to "break" and if ever. Enabling makes it the worse ever....my EX is a recovering addict. He parents by far are the biggest enablers to the extent that have taken care of everything in his life....this is an early stage. I personally do not have a problem with those who engage in pot smoking--I don't use, I don't like anything about it--however, it is wrong that the father is open and allows his son to use. it can be a gateway to other drugs....addictions can switch....i know what i am talking about. this is the beginning and will get any better--because the pot is the circle of his life and EVERYTHING comes before that. I just trying to really confirm your hesitation and yes you are right by leaving and putting your foot down. this does effect your daughter and your entire family...not every situation is the same but I know from experience addiction is stronger than anything...it wins unless this is recognized and person truly wants to change. you cannot force it...rehab may work..BUT.only if the user wants it too and chooses his life/family over the (xxxx) of choice-bc it does not have to be drugs...it is a difficult choice. put it this way, many user relapse at one point (some do not), and again, and again....i wish you the best...and you are not wrong to be upset.

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2015

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But you have to say that his pot use has made problems for you - because it sets an example for the children. You are absolutely right that him saying nothing or doing nothing about his son's use of a recreational drug is wrong. He is actually enabling the behaviour. However, his own recreational use is setting a poor example, particularly if he is using every day. Even if it IS legal for adults to use an possess the drug for recreational use, like use of alcohol, kids need to see it used appropriately. Daily use of a drug for recreational use is not using it appropriately.

I find it interesting that you accept your husband stoned around your daughter, but not your stepson. I understand that your husband probably manages being stoned differently than a hormonal teenager, but you need to look at it from the perspective of a teenage boy and realise that he is seeing double standards.

Ultimately, both father and son need help. Dad needs assistance in his parenting skills and son needs some form of counselling or rehab (possibly dad does as well if he is smoking so frequently, because it indicates an addiction/dependence issue). By continuing to accept dad's habit, you are also enabling the entire situation.

Dove - posted on 05/08/2015

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lol Hypocrite at its finest right here.... You married a stoner and want to complain that his son is turning into a stoner too.... Good luck w/ that one.

If this were my situation.... well, it wouldn't be cuz I would run from any loser smoking pot all day. 'Responsible' or not.

Jill - posted on 05/08/2015

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Yes it is and he did have a medical card. But I'd say 75% of the use is recreation. Like I said he is aresponsible person. Not lazy at all. I has come up and we've had discussed it. I can't say his pot use has directly made problems for us. So I accepted it. I did not accept his son being stoned around my daughter and i. It's wrong to just not say anything I feel

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2015

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I agree that you should remove yourselves from the situation. Why was this issue not addressed before you married your husband? It was clearly a problem before that.

And no, you didn't say he uses it for medical reasons, you said your husband MOSTLY uses it for recreational purposes. Which sends a totally different message to your child. Is marijuana legal for recreational use where you live? And for medical?

Jill - posted on 05/08/2015

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My husband is an adult. Like I said he does use it for medical reasons. It's accepted for adults to drink and in some states legal for adults to smoke pot. Rules are different for adults and children. That's why I posted about my stepson. My husband does not want him smoking but does nothing about it and no consequences. I can't control it so I am removing myself and daughter from situation.

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2015

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So how the heck do you expect a teenager to respect the "no drugs" policy, and not get stoned if your husband does it? Clearly you tolerate dad smoking pot but not the son....why? This child is NOT getting a message from his family (and that includes you) that drugs will not be tolerated and that drugs are bad for him. This child is getting a message that drugs are okay because dad does it and you all are okay with that!! The position you SHOULD be taking is about your husband, not the child, and yet you have made this post about the child. The issue here is the parent.

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2015

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Hang on....his father is your husband? And your husband (his father) is smoking pot 4 times a day? Let's start with that.

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