teenage love

American - posted on 12/30/2015 ( 46 moms have responded )

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My son had been seeing this girl for a while and her mom didn't like him so when he turned 18 she went and filed charges on my son. There is a 3 yr 10 month difference in age. This girl's family has money and pushed the DA to peruse this issue. I have had to hire attorney and am losing everything. My son received 10yr probation and now is a registered sex offender. There was a no contact order in place and this girl contacted my son and claimed to cut herself if he didn't meet with her so he did and now is in jail for 120 days. He had to spend holidays in jail and has been placed in PC. This is my problem.....It was a consensual act both times and her daughter is getting off free and clear. My son is required to register for 15yr which means he can never be a soldier like he wanted and feels his life is over. So is it fair that my son has a whole life of consequences and her daughter gets nothing? Can anyone explain how this is right and how to help my son move forward with his life?At this time I have paid $3000 for attorney and pay $95 monthly in fines and probation fees.

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Dove - posted on 12/30/2015

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I did block you. That just keeps you from being able to PM me and harass me in private any more. I don't care if you want to harass me here... have fun. Your rants say a lot more about you than they do about me.

I think you are probably so upset over your son's situation that you can not see anything clearly and rationally right now... and while your FEELINGS are certainly understandable... your actions are not justified... and neither were your son's. Yes... it is logical to be upset when your adult child makes a stupid, careless decision w/ his life, but he is now being legally held accountable for his actions... and it is OK to be upset about that, but it is not OK to take your anger out on other people. That's not what adults do... that's what toddlers do.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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Actually, no, I am not judging the word sex offender. But the fact is, this is not a 2 year age difference, this is a FOUR year age difference. That's actually huge. So why are you defending him? Her parents actually had every right to file charges if they don't approve of the relationship. Who is to say they didn't also try to stop it. As an ADULT, your son should have had the responsibility and sense to put a stop to it, particularly if he was aware of the fact that it was illegal. It was his CHOICE to have the relationship KNOWING that there could be consequences. There are consequences to every action in life.

And I will say, you actually ARE condoning the behaviour by continuing to defend the relationship. Why not just accept it was an illegal relationship, you warned him (I'm assuming you did), and now he has to live with it. Unfortunate, yes. But he needs to stop playing the victim given HE was breaking the law. Time to adult up and own it.

As much as I hope my children will always make good choices, I know they won't. I'm sure there will be a few poor choices in there somewhere. But I sure as shit will acknowledge when my child has made a poor choice, and I will not cry victim about it. I would hope they could own their behaviour and the consequence and find a way to move forward. You're right, so far I haven't had to deal with anything major. I managed to get 2 to adulthood, one nearly there, and one with a way to go. But they know right from wrong, and they respect my advice on that.

Raye - posted on 01/07/2016

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WOW! I missed a lot over vacation..

If the girl sent him nude photo's, then she should be in trouble for distribution of child pornography. Generally, the photos have to be recognizable as the girl in question and/or the age of the person able to be confirmed, and then proven that they came from her. I guess it's not in question that the photos were of her, if her parents filed charges. But, if the photos were distributed on the school computer, and it couldn't be proven that she originated them, then that could get her off the hook. Yes, I'm sure the call to meet where she was threatening self-harm was pure vindictiveness, and she probably knew it would get him in more trouble. But it was still his choice to go instead of reporting her. I read all the comments, and don't recall anyone saying the girl was blameless, only that the circumstances were such that she wasn't charged and he (being an adult) should have had better sense.

It also should have had to be proven that he received the photos and/or forwarded them to others. He would have had to save/send them in a way that linked him to the photos. In this day and age, even a guy peeing in an ally behind a dumpster within proximity to a school can get you on the "sex offender" registry, so guys have to really be careful of their actions. Legal adults are responsible for their actions and he is a legal adult, not a child. It is unfortunate, and it will put some limitations on his future. But his life is not over. He will have to learn what the rules are for someone with his conviction, and obey the law... to the letter... all the time.

I'm sorry that this happened, as it does seem like it shouldn't have been as big of an issue as it was made out to be. The only thing to do now is try to move past it. Make sure he does not lie on job applications, make sure he does everything legally. He can still have a bright future.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2015

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~I am re-opening this thread. Please be warned. Be nice. No in thread attacks, personal threats, or verbal abuse. Please be adults. If you find this topic is getting heated, walk away and come back with a clear head. I will close this thread, and ban any users for 24 hours that in any way abuse the NO THUMPS policy. ALL Moderators will due the same.~

Behave, and be nice!

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

**Edited to ADD**

If anyone is harassing you via PM, please copy and send to one of the Moderators, myself, Michelle or Gena. Thank you!

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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Ok, so NOW you tell us this isn't about sex with a minor, but rather, child pornography. Why the hell did he keep the pics on his phone? I'm assuming that's the only way they could convict him - that he actually had the pics on his phone. Or......was he silly enough to send some pics back?

46 Comments

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American - posted on 12/31/2015

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Thank you Dove. Your right and sometimes it's just pure mamma bear trying desperately to protect her cubs. Happy New Year to all!

American - posted on 12/31/2015

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Okay ladies I have slept on this and realized I should apologize to you all for my behaviour yesterday. It is a touchy subject and I should have handled myself better. He is not a child molester just fell in love with someone younger than him and YES he broke the law and I am very angry at him for putting our family through this. I have NEVER had to deal with this stuff and am really overwhelmed with emotions. Please know that I am a very kind loving person but my emotions got the best of me. I am really sorry if I offended anyone.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/30/2015

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~MoD WaRnInG~

Due to the escalation of this topic between members, I am forced to lock it for 24 hours. Please in the future, be kind to one another. While we all may disagree at times, arguments can get heated, there is absolutely NO NEED to name call, or harass other members. Privileges will automatically be revoked for 24 hours.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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I can do it here if you like. And I thought you were gonna block me so why are you on my thread?

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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So if your son made that same mistake you would say 10 yr probation and 15yr register is okay. Wow really. So as a mom I am wrong to feel this way?

Dove - posted on 12/30/2015

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Sending PMs to name call instead of behaving like a mature adult and ignoring me... and you want 'me' to leave you alone? lol Cute....

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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No, it is not. It is considered porn. Child porn at that. He got off pretty easy I think. He made the mistake when he was on contact with the girl and now he has to pay the price for that.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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I just said he isn't innocent I just think the penalty was to harsh that's all. I am not stupid! He did it even after I talked and talked and talked to him about it. Just think running his life over three pics is a little obsessive.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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I was not trying not to be supportive but you have to just understand that it is against the law and he got caught. I was trying to be as nice as I could about this. Its not easy watching your kids make mistakes but that is how they learn. It is law in most states that under 18 is off limits. The law is trying to protect them both. I do not know what more to say. You do seemed determined that he is innocent yet he kept the relationship going. He made a choice and now he faces those consequences.

Dove - posted on 12/30/2015

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When you respond to me... I respond back. That's kind of how internet conversations go. If you don't want me to respond to you... don't mention me. Problem solved.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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Dove please just leave me alone. EVELYN I guess I was mistaken and thought you were offering me words of support. I am sorry for misunderstang your statements I stand corrected. He is an adult and obviously is being forced to deal with this. I have never encouraged their relationship and never would. I feel that mothers pain. I would have contacted his parents first knowing he lived at home and was still in school. I do not agree with the harshness of his punishment is all. He made a mistake and it doesn't warrant such harsh penalty. The DA is being forced by family to peruse the case. He told my son that himself. Said they are wasting his time. The baby comment was ment for little miss. I forgot to include that.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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I do not know what I said to make you feel that way but, I do agree with the others that you need to stop looking at him as a baby and as an adult....We do know and understand what the term "he or she is my baby" means. He is the youngest I assume and is the baby of the family. But he is no longer a baby. Legally an adult as some pointed out he can do a lot of things now from voting to buying tobacco. My youngest is a boy but he is an adult about to be 19. I hold him accountable for his actions. He has some issues with dealing with frustration. I do not put up with it. At the same time I tell him I love him and he has to find a way to work it out. He is my baby but he is not a baby anymore. He knows he has to make his way in this world.

Dove - posted on 12/30/2015

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You didn't make my kids laugh... I did when I typed that they act like jerks to each other. They know it. They own it.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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First off I can say what I want when I want. Glad I was able to make your kids laugh. Great.
And EVELYN thank you.
Lol miss.. He is a baby he is my baby and that means like all moms they are our babies.

She never lost anything and was even given a car and I can't control that all I can do is continue letting God guide me through this. Thank you so much for your helping me feel more at ease on this subject.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/30/2015

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AW, please do not drag other thread content into a new thread.

The problem is that u are seeing him as a baby. He is not a baby. He is a legal adult. He is legally able to enlist, vote, and buy cigarettes. He is in jail BECAUSE his actions were illegal with a minor. He made bad choices.. It really does suck, but try for a minute to see it from the minors parents position.

Dove - posted on 12/30/2015

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Ah... so it's not about sex. It's about child pornography. What did he do w/ the pictures? Did he immediately delete them? If my child were stupid enough to send naked pictures I would remove her phone and iPod (and she would not get them back under 18... period) and she'd be grounded for a VERY long time.

Unfortunately you can't control what this other mother does and you obviously can not control the decisions your adult son makes. This is a lesson that BOTH parties should have been well aware of the consequences and implications a long time ago... and unfortunately your son has to pay the price for his choices... and hers.

And stop targeting me saying I made you mad. You are the only one in control of your own emotions. I can not be held responsible for your misunderstanding me which I repeatedly tried to clarify... you took one tiny little thing (that my own teenagers think is funny...lol) and blew up over it. I'm sorry it upset you.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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American Woman--I thankfully had a daughter that did not get into that kind of thing when she was that age (14-15) and she knew about those kinds of things and that they were wrong. BUT if she had done it and I had found out I would have dragged her to the police station with the pictures and had them deal with her. I am surprised that the girl was not reprimanded for sending pictures of herself because it is a crime to send nudes of children and considered porn. And so she should have been in trouble. And really as far as paying for elections and etc, you have no real proof of it other than second hand knowledge to go on. And who knows where you lawyer heard that from too. My advice is to support your son and tell him you love him but he has to pay for his actions.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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And little miss he is a baby when you see this young man that has NEVER been in trouble in shackles and orange in a 12 by 12 plexiglass glass window for fifteen min twice a week. I guess you can't really understand until it happens to you and as mad as you and Dove have made me this morning I hope you never have to.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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Thank you EVELYN and JODI....they never had sex it was all done on internet and they didn't buy the judge they pay for the DA election and that what my lawyer said. Yes he received some photos of her that was what really pissed her mom off. I appreciate your comments. It is just so hard when you can't save them. I did tell him to leave her alone and have been advised by our attorney to not contact her mom.

And see Dove and LITTLE MISS....if I was so violent and needed ANGER MANAGEMENT then this would not be an issue. I would have already handled it.

SO I ASK NOW......(sorry cap lock keep getting stuck) if it was your daughter who sent those pics how would you handle that?

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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American Woman--I just read this whole posting. I have to agree with the ladies. At 14 or 15 a girl is a rush of hormones and emotions and though a girl might be willing to have sex and/or a relationship with someone does not mean it is right for her to do so especially with someone that much older than her. In a lot of states the legal consent to have sex is 18. Some states have it at 16. Despite that, he had sex with her and was too old to be with her. Do you know the age of consent in your state? And this does not only include sex offender to the list but what if the girl had become pregnant? What is your son got a STD? You could be dealing with that. He is an adult and he has to learn to be responsible for his actions now. And he can not turn to you anymore to get him out of trouble. I am sorry this has happened, but I also do not see how her parents bought the judge off.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/30/2015

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Oh, and the 4 year difference at 18 is HUGE compared to 28 and 24. There is a big difference here. The girl is not legal age. When they started having sex, she was still a minor. It doesn't matter how long they have been together, that is the law.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/30/2015

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American women, he is NOT a baby. He is a legal adult.

I am sorry this is happening to your family, but he really needs to take responsibility for his actions. He went to see her when there was a no contact order in place. Regardless of his reasons, he shouldn't have even been speaking to her.

Having a sexual offender on your record is a terrible thing, especially if it was a consenting situation. BUT, in this case, her parents did NOT approve. He should have broken up with her until she was of legal age. Coulda shoulda woulda isn't going to help at this point. But maybe talking to her parents and dropping the charges will. See what your lawyer can do. BUT, watch your step. Don't keep looking at your son as the victim.

Dove - posted on 12/30/2015

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If my 14, almost 15 year old daughter was sexually involved w/ an 18 year old... I would have pressed charges too. You should have taught your son to respect the girl's parents and wishes.....

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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He is not a victim but he is not a criminal. Do you have any idea what happens to sex offenders in jail? My son is just a baby and NEVER been in trouble at all. He is forever changed and now thinks the world is agonist him. What I needed here is some help in helping him move forward not an attack on his choices or my choice of words. Maybe I should have made that clear. For the mix up I am sorry.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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Okay look lady......I have raised 2 to adulthood also and one almost there and I never claimed he was in the right. I have told him his choices were wrong and he has to accept the consequences but this was a consensual act and she is just as guilty as he is as far as I'm concerned. He isn't the victim here but he doesn't deserve the hard consequences they have placed on him. It was her choice and her mom pushes it. They put a $50000 bond on my son because she said so not because the state placed it. It not right that someone can sell drugs and assault an officer and receive a $10000 bond. Or how bout the fact she controlled the court room and the decisions. Tell me money don't pull strings and I will sell you some ocean front property in Montana.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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And I am sympathetic to you for having to go through this....but stop defending his actions. Yes, maybe she was in the wrong somehow too, what with bullying your daughter and being a complete bitch, but let's face it, 14 year old (15 year old) girls are notorious for that shit. That's why they are considered minors - they don't have the capability to make choices without the hormones and emotions getting in the way.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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I DID EXPLAIN IT IN EXACT DETAIL!!!!!How come I ask for help in understanding and all you do is point fingers? Do me a favour a leave this conversation.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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Okay Jodi I see that you are one of those people who are judging the word sex offender and not really care who gets hurt in the process. And btw.....when did I say I condoned his behaviour? As a matter of fact I went to school several times over them cause that's where it all took place. I did not have cell phones or internet the school provided the computer and that where he connected to internet and all contact was made at school so NO I didn't condone the behaviour. I just hope you never Navarro go through something like this cause as you know people judge.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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See, I would never have allowed the relationship in the first place......too much age difference. And I certainly would never have condoned it by defending my son for having a relationship with someone 4 years his junior and being hit with charges because it was illegal. I would have explained THAT to him well before the charges could potentially have been filed (like, when he was breaking the law). But I guess that's the difference between you and me.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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Not what my attorney said. Law has loop hole that allows parents to prosecute teenage love. That is why they have the Romeo and Juliet clause......they missed it by one month on both sides so your not entirely correct.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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Fine. Keep making excuses for your son and condoning his behaviour. Not my problem. I'm not the one with an 18 year old in jail because he had a relationship with a minor.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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VICTIM MY ASS. This young lady knows exactly what she doin and brags about it at school.She bullies my daughter and when she get in trouble then her mom panics and presses charges on my son. That my dear is a fact not FLUFF OR EXCUSE!!!

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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That is entirely irrelevant, because my spouse and I met in our 30s. I was not a child. This girl is a minor. A 4 year age difference at 30 (or even at 25) is very different to a 4 year age difference at 14 and 18. That's why there are laws in place for that. You can absolutely say he is wrong.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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Hey Jodi just curious.....What is the age difference in your spouse and you? Mine is 3yr9mo older than me and we been together 25yrs. Can't really say he wrong when I with his dad that is the same difference.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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Ok, I am not seeing how the ages you quoted are any different. You said he turned 18 and they filed charges, and if she is 3 years and 10 months younger than him, then that puts her at 14 at the time. Totally inappropriate relationship no matter how you look at it. Yes, she is the victim because she is the child. 19.15, still inappropriate.

Money has nothing to do with it because they don't need money to have him prosecuted for breaking the law. It is only you that has to pay money to have him defended. Prosecuting someone for something illegal costs absolutely nothing. All you have to do is report it and provide evidence, which may be as simple as a statement.

The rest of the stuff you mentioned is just fluff and excuses. I don't care how many excuses you come up with, your son should not have been having a relationship with this child.

American - posted on 12/30/2015

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You say she the victim and he wrong. I see the point and no she 15 and he almost 19! How can you say money not doing this.....I was told first hand that she watching my daughter also and is waiting for the day she turns 18 so she can have her charged for something as well. I forgot to mention that I reported her daughter 2 weeks before my son was arrested for bullying my daughter for the third time. I guarantee that if I had the money I could buy some charges myself but thanks for your opinion.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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Um, he is 3 years and 10 months older....this girl is 14 years old. I'd file charges too. The relationship should never have been condoned. It's not her family's money that is pushing this - he is breaking the law, pure and simple. Your son needs to STOP having any contact with this girl, and if she contacts him, he needs to report it. The girl is getting off because she is a child. Your son is an adult.

There is a HUGE difference in maturity between the two of them. 4 years may not seem like much, but at that age, it's massive (would you expect a 4 year old to act like an 8 year old? A 12 year old to act like a 16 year old?).

Your son gets consequences because he is an adult. Time for BOTH of you to actually accept that he is in the wrong here instead of playing the victim. He is NOT a victim.

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