teenage prgnancy in my home

Samantha - posted on 11/08/2013 ( 41 moms have responded )

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Hi All,

my name is Sam. I am new on this site. I just found out my son's long term girlfriend is pregnant. this girl has no family so I have taken her in for the past year or so. my first reaction was to keep this baby as I am a believer in God. I know that this is going to an uphill climb but in my heart i know that I am doing the right thing although my sister is dead against this and is extremely negative in a manner which I find quite perverse if I may state it this way. I would really appreciate some input and advice as I appreciate all sound advice. thank you.

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Gesine - posted on 11/14/2013

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Hi Samantha, my daughter, now nearly 20 has 2 girls. Her first she discovered she was pregnant when she wasn't yet 17 and we were very shocked and saddened for her loss of a "carefree youth". We are Catholic so are against abortion, but as our daughter is atheist and had always said that she didn't see anything wrong with abortion we were worried she would decide not to keep the baby.
She decided to keep it saying that the only reason to abort - as we were willing to help her in any way - was so she could go out more with her friends and that that wasn't a good enough reason. 4 months into the pregnancy we found out that the baby had a serious illness and was at risk that she wouldn't the survive pregnancy. We went to a specialist who said there was a chance of survival, but seeing how young she (our daughter was) he suggested she abort. Despite the odds she decided to keep the baby who was born and immediately operated at 34 weeks and after 3 months in hospital is now at age 2 1/2 perfectly healthy and a joy to us all.
I'm telling you this as with our daughter everyone, from my brother to my husbands brother and wife, my daughters boyfriend to most of our friends, everyone tried to persuade her to abort, but just the other day she said to me that the best thing that ever happened to her was her daughters, despite the difficulties and the fact that she missed a year out of school so is now doing her final year, and that she finds she obviously doesn't have much in common with friends her own age.
I think the worst thing she could have done was follow everyone's advice and aborted, she would have lived with regret for the rest of her life, so my suggestion is to support the young couple any way you can and ignore negative advice, it is a very difficult situation and abortion may seem the easiest solution but it certainly isn't the one that will give you happiness.
All the best to you all

Jodi - posted on 11/12/2013

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I am going to go there and say that Angela is right. With perfect use (that is, following ALL instructions and when at risk due to whatever reason, use a barrier method), the failure rate of the oral contraceptive pill is only 0.03%. That is three in every 1,000 women will get pregnant. The rest get pregnant because they don't use it properly, so human error or bad choices are to blame. So basically, if you got pregnant on the pill, it is more likely that it was through some error of yours than the fact that you were just unlucky.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/5884...


However, I actually also understand that not everyone can take hormonal birth control, so this is not always a great option. So shit happens. I am not prepared to say that this has been a deliberate thing, because we don't know the details, and it really is irrelevant to the OP's question.

I also understand that there are an awful lot of people in the world who DO take it and are pretty clueless about how to use it properly, whether through lack of literacy to read the insert or laziness, I'm not sure. But it's actually right there in the box. A fairly high percentage of them are teenagers. And as a teacher of teens, it really doesn't surprise me. Reading is not a particularly favoured pastime.

April - posted on 11/12/2013

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I got pregnant with my first at 19. When my parents found out they went crazy so because of their initial reaction i ran away and decided to stay with my boyfriend (now husband).. During this tough time in my life the one person who i felt didn't judge me was my mother-in-law, she helped me and took care of me when i truly needed it the most and even though my parents and i are on better terms now, i am still forever grateful to my MIL, she is my second mother and i love her dearly. You might not see it now but in the long run you will see just how much it will mean to your sons GF and in the end you get a beautiful grand baby..

Legacyforce - posted on 11/14/2013

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A couple of years ago I'd be so against, but as I've gotten older. If you are able and willing, do what the lord would have you to do. Continue to lead your son making sure to keep explaining don't do this again, but what's already done band together and take care of the child, birth control after this isn't such a bad idea either.

Jodi - posted on 11/13/2013

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Well, emergency contraception can be used up to 5 days following "unprotected" sex......this includes a copper IUD (you don't have to keep that down). No divine intervention there. Plenty of choice. Believe me, there are always ways. it comes down to whether you are aware of your options. It's always a good idea to educate yourself thoroughly if you don't want to get pregnant.

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Jodi - posted on 11/15/2013

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I never used the word irresponsible. I believe the term was "human error". But that doesn't equal irresponsible. Just that you can't blame the birth control for failing you.

Enna - posted on 11/15/2013

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My doctor would not prescribe me an IUD before I had children, due to the possibility that it could cause damage to my uterus and make it so that I couldn't have children. I was also 19 when I had my daughter and they don't like to give girls copper IUD's before they are 20 because it is more likely to be expelled. I would also like to say here, that not all doctors agree with this and some will give them to younger women.
OK, the only reason I'm talking about this is because I don't like hearing people say that only irresponsible people get pregnant unintentionally.
I agree that there are TONS of options for birth control and that in most cases pregnancies can be avoided by using birth control. That is the whole point of birth control.
At any rate, for me I consider it Divine Intervention. My daughter is almost 14 now and she is amazing. I would not go back and change anything I did.

Enna - posted on 11/13/2013

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If you have sex BEFORE you get sick, then you can't go back in time and use a condom. Sorry, doesn't work that way. Sperm can live in your body for 3-5 days. So if you're sick and can't keep anything down, then what?
OK, I guess that's "human error", but it sounds more like Divine Intervention :)

Tamara....4 Beautiful Kiddos! - posted on 11/13/2013

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Okay, first of all, you, your son and his girlfriend deciding to keep the baby? God is happy, and you will be Blessed with a new grandchild/child! Congratulations!
That b n said, it wont b easy:
"Give your Cares and Worries to God, for He Cares what happens to you." 1Peter 5.7
Now, your sister really has to just meet the baby and im sure she will feel differently...if she continues to "harp" you guys for this then you might need to take a break from her. In a nice way.
As for you son and his girlfriend: do your best to help them have a healthy pregnancy and help where help is needed...if you have made up your minds to continue this pregnancy (which I completely support)...then that is what you 3 should focus on and enjoy life in the meantime...children are a Blessing!
THE BIGGEST REWARDS IN LIFE ARE THOSE THAT TAKE LOVE, COMPASSION, PATIENCE and DEDICATION.

I have 4 and was asked to abort 2...needless to say, GOD'S BLESSINGS arent always easy to take care of.

Congratulations GRANDMA!

Samone - posted on 11/13/2013

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I had my first son at 17 and believe me it is not easy and my family was against it at first but they came around this is your household so nobody else opinion should matter. As long as you let them both know they will have to pull there weight around the house and explain to them the responsibility of a child. Don't close her out don't make her feel like she is be punished because she is having a baby it will send her in to depression and nobody wants that. I respect you for taking this child in she needs someone to love her and guide her follow your heart and God will bless you. Remember we all sinned in our life but we should not be punished for it.

Angela - posted on 11/12/2013

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If sickness affects the reliability of the Pill and they tell you to take another one, is it not common sense to double up with a barrier method in any case? Because, for me, the very fact they didn't specify at what point during a vomiting bout you need to take another Pill, screams out to me that another contraceptive method should be used AS WELL!

"Perfect use" and "typical use" will vary. Maybe some people don't want to be a slave to their contraceptive method - it all depends on how much they want to avoid pregnancy. Personally I'd rather have the inconvenience of ensuring I was adequately protected than have an unplanned child or go through an abortion.

Enna - posted on 11/12/2013

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According to the National Institute of health NIH website (which links to womenshealth.gov), 5 out of 100 women get pregnant every year while using oral contraception and 11-16 out of 100 using a male condom. Of course there are way more statistics. And of course perfect use and typical use vary greatly. I see what you're saying though.
What they don't tell you is at what point during being sick is it OK to not worry about taking another pill. 2 hours: take another pill. 6 hours... well...

Angela - posted on 11/12/2013

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The vast majority of contraceptive failure is down to human error. The Pill fails if you don't use extra precautions when on anti-biotics or if you get diarrhoea/vomiting, for example! Doctors and nurses tell patients this when it's first prescribed - it's also stated on the leaflet that comes in the box.

The percentage of people who use a contraceptive correctly, do everything right and still get pregnant is actually very, very tiny. But most who say they got pregnant whilst using a reliable contraceptive claim they were one of the unlucky ones - they never admit they were one of the irresponsible ones.

Of course, Samantha Mason's son & his girlfriend may have been genuinely unlucky, they may have genuinely forgotten to follow the guidelines correctly (which is human error but still a long way from deliberate conception).

My own son, years ago had a girlfriend that pretty much lived with us - she had no family of her own. About twice a week I used to tell her she had better not get pregnant. She didn't. A while down the line they fell out and split up. She hooked up with a friend of his and was pregnant within a very short time! She now has 2 kids to this guy, maybe more. She was a first time mother at 18 - she was with my son and living in my house at 16 and 17.

My son waited until he was almost 30 and in a settled relationship, he has a child with his partner that was planned. They have bought their own home, are both in employment and well able to provide for their child.

The baby discussed in this thread is now on its way so rationalising about its conception doesn't really help. I just feel as the mother of the father-to-be, I'd be highly suspicious.

I really, genuinely wish this family all the best!

Enna - posted on 11/12/2013

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Angela that's a bit harsh. I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my first child. It happens to people who are responsible too.

It's up to God now.

Angela - posted on 11/12/2013

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Support them but lay some ground rules before the baby comes along - and that means your SON must do his share - he mustn't leave it all to the child's mother. OK, he goes out to work but he can play his part when he's off-duty.

And this may sound very uncharitable, but nowadays there is so much health education & sex education - I can't believe that they were so irresponsible at their ages - they're not 14 year-olds driven by hormones with a deficit of common sense! Contraception is not difficult or expensive to obtain. I'm even inclined to think that this young lady, who has no family of her own, has landed on her feet and ensured that the situation remains permanent by getting pregnant!

Sorry if I've got things wrong here but this is the view I'd take as the parent of sons (I have a daughter too). It DOES take two to tango so she's not the only one who may have jumped the gun. I doubt though, that he would have willingly conspired to get her pregnant - but young men in your son's situation - girlfriend living with him at his parents' house, no family of her own - should be aware that this is a distinct possibility.

Take no notice of your sister's negativity - if you're willing to offer them a home etc ... it's none of her business.

Good luck to all of you and I hope you really enjoy your new grandchild.

Samantha - posted on 11/12/2013

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hi April,

your MIL sounds like a similar description of myself so I gather that I will reap the same outcome as her.. that is very exciting to know!! thank you for your kind yet honest input, you have put a song into my heart!! take care and God bless you.

Samantha - posted on 11/12/2013

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hi Enna,

I am supporting them in many ways. I understand what you are saying and agree wholeheartedly. I guess we going to have to this one day at a time. I am walking slowly and not rushing into this situation, foundations are been laid at present and we will see after that. My son is a Concrete Tech, so he pays his way, that is not a problem. on the other hand I hear what you are saying about the responsibility of their baby. we all have a good understanding, I will never just take over, I just trust that this will turn out the way God designed it to, for it is in Him I trust!!thank you for your in put.

Karla - posted on 11/11/2013

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as long as you support them then that is fine i was living with my in laws when i got pregnant at 18 and my husband now was 20 my in laws did not help at all and it felt terrible saying their son wasnt ready was ready no matter what age nobody will ever be ready for a baby you are doing a great job as a mother to support them and try to help out just dont help out that much they need to learn on their own as well as a young mom it feel great to have a person that would love to be a grandmother a baby is a blessing

Enna - posted on 11/11/2013

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Are you supporting them while they are caring for the baby at your house, or are you taking custody of the baby? I'm just trying to clarify because I'm not sure.
I was 19 when I had my daughter. My mom was very supportive, but my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I got an apartment and took care of our daughter by ourselves with some help with babysitting while we were at work and school.
I would be afraid of having them live with you because so many people I know who did that ended up in a situation straight out of "Teen Mom".
It becomes unclear about who's responsible for what. And many people end up in huge fights.
I'm not saying that this will happen to you. It's just something to consider.

Leti - posted on 11/11/2013

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Sam,

I'm behind you 100% and I agree with keeping the baby. I got married at 18 and we decided to have a baby 4 months after. I will admit I had no idea what I was getting myself into but the minute I had my son it all came natural to me. I read below that she's 18 and your son is 21. I think they are old enough to be responsible. The decision to abort does come up to many couples but the question is can they handle something like that? Will they resent each other after the abortion? My brother and his ex-girlfriend got pregnant early. She was 17 and he was 19. Her parents made her have an abortion because they said she had her whole life ahead of her and a baby would complicate things. And my brother never forgave her for that. They broke up 2 months later because my brother would never let it go. Keep in mind something like that can really affect the relationship. Because she wanted the baby but her mom refused and made her have an abortion. My parents even offered to take her in but she couldn't leave her parents.
They need to talk with each other with you and decide the next step. If the decision is to keep the baby than great. It may be hard in the beginning but trust me after they have the baby they will never imagine what life was like before their little blessing.
Trust me I know... I had my first son at 19 and my second son at 21. It was hard because I was young but it made a stronger person and I wouldn't picture my life without them. But I am doing my bachelors now that they are 11 and 9 because I gave them my full attention and worked because it wasn't easy when they were young.

Zenaida - posted on 11/11/2013

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sam dont listend to people like that they dont have nothing to said good just listen to you heart that it ....

Jodi - posted on 11/10/2013

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That's fine Samantha, it was just the way I interpreted what you wrote. The important thing is that you are supporting their choice and not pushing them into a decision that is for you, then you are totally doing the right thing :)

Samantha - posted on 11/10/2013

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ok, I support my children in the fact that they want to keep their baby. here is an I again, but I want to be supportive for them in every choice that they make.
I don't understand what you need to read that satisfies your heart from my story, enlighten me.

Jodi - posted on 11/10/2013

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The only place where I saw your support of their choice being mentioned was here "I will stand with my children, I will support them for I know that they both want this child." That sounded like a conditional support to me, that's all.

With regard to your sister, it isn't her decision to make either. She needs to butt out. So does anyone else who is criticising your support of the choice that your son and his girlfriend make.

Samantha - posted on 11/10/2013

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hi Jodi, well if you have read previous to this you would have seen the bigger picture. this is not about me, this about me backing them on their decision!!!!!!

Jodi - posted on 11/10/2013

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Sam, right throughout your post, you have talked about what YOU want and YOUR decision, but you haven't really mentioned what your son and his girlfriend want. Isn't this their decision? Your role is simply to be one of support for the choice they make, not to allow or disallow.

Zenaida - posted on 11/10/2013

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thanks samanthan you let those people think what ever they thinks god always with be on your side and your family i do understand you but got make does decision only of the people that can carring on there shoulder it way that said it on spainsh but good think because it means good mom .....

Samantha - posted on 11/10/2013

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Hi Zenaida,

thank you so much, one can only relate if you understand with experience. thank you for your wise, loving and kind words. May God bless you and your household including your new precious addition. Many people may think I am crazy but I know that God does crazy things to reveal His magnificent power and glory.. take care and keep on being who you are, an Angel!

Zenaida - posted on 11/10/2013

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hi sam. i have youger teen she is 16 she pregnant. plus i do understand you i have 2 kids of my own it beautiful thing coming in life you good woman god will bless you and your family .

Samantha - posted on 11/10/2013

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I am pleased that you are happy and are blessed with a beautiful son. thank you for your support and kind words. I will keep you updated. God bless you.

Bianca - posted on 11/08/2013

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Im glad that you have made the right decision. As I am 21 and I have a 2 week and 4 day old son and married. And I tell you now I understand where your coming from to get no support from family as they would prefer to tell you what is better and bicker at you and absolutely no support at all. Especially now that I can't breastfeed and have to go to formula. Although my husband is great.
But im glad that you have decided to let them keep it as. As I would do anything for my son now. And your son sounds very genuine. So I can imagine that they are both going to be great parents. Just like there mum (grandmother).
Congratulations. :)

Samantha - posted on 11/08/2013

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Bianca, thank you so very much for your message. this is my decision, from the bottom of my heart. I will stand with my children, I will support them for I know that they both want this child. My son will be an awesome dad and Ally (mom) will be a wonderful mom. I have just been fed negative responses from family. but I feel i'm ready to be a granny :-). I have had an abortion in my silly years of life and I regret this immensely. I could never allow this to happen again.

Bianca - posted on 11/08/2013

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I think that you should do what you think is right. As for myself I was in the same situation as your sons girlfriend a few years back and I regret doing what I had done. And that was because my mum forced me into it. And I didn't get a say in it. And I think about it from time to time. I also think it should be up to them as well. Like you said your son has a job and he is very supportive. So he can't really go wrong there with being a dad. As long as he wants to be a father. And she wants to be a mother.
But I'm sure that what ever decision you go with. It will be the right decision. As it's not just there child but your also becoming a grandmother. So as long as you all talk over it together you will make the right decision. So goodluck with it and please let us know on your decision. :)

Samantha - posted on 11/08/2013

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she is 18 and my son 21, he is working and very supportive. I could never give this child to another family although I thank you for your advise. just a shock to the system.

Deepak - posted on 11/08/2013

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hi sam
I am not in favor of teenage pregnancy. It is not good for mom and baby.
Now girl is pregnant. you will be baby's caring mother and father. Other option find home who can give baby good care . Mother father and you have to decide

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