teenage son left home for college

Stronger - posted on 10/02/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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17 year old son left home for college, how do they feel suddenly cut off from the luxury and comfort of home?

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Guest - posted on 10/02/2014

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Most kids love going off to college. Yes, some of the comforts of home are missing, but they are replaced by a lot of exciting new adventures and experiences. Going off to college was one of the most exciting and exhilarating times in my life, and is so for most of the people I have ever met.

I'm sure he misses you, and probably gets frustrated trying to juggle a lot of the tasks you always did for him (like making dinner, reminding him to do his laundry, and so on), but I am sure he is feeling that the small frustrations are very minimal in relation the the great sense of independence he now has, and the big opportunities for growth and unique experiences that lay before him.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/02/2014

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You'd have to ask each individual kid, because each handles it differently.

Mine was ready to fly. I'd raised him to be self sufficient, and handle his own affairs. He does it nicely ;-)

Michelle - posted on 10/02/2014

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I'm glad you took it the way it was intended. Some people could have taken offense.
Go and find yourself a hobby that you've always wanted to try.
Good luck with the new phase in YOUR life. I still have quite a while to go before I get there.

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Stronger - posted on 10/04/2014

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Thanks Shawn... after the encouraging responses here yesterday, I did go out for movie last night:) Good to know your son is independent even when he could choose not to be.. that shows it cannot be depressing..

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/03/2014

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Stronger, my eldest has been on his own for almost 2 years. He does still live close, and initially, I thought that would translate into me still feeding him quite a bit, etc...LOL...but other than laundry and catching up with the latest Dr. Who episode, we don't see much of him at all!

He's very well settled. Even though he went through a job upheaval recently, he made sure he covered his backside, and tried to keep enough odd jobs, etc going to keep up with his bills until he got steady employment again. That did shake him up a bit, because he's so trusting and loyal that he was bothered by having to leave the job that essentially froze him out of hours. (He believed that they'd 'come around' and start scheduling him again).

He's back on his feet. I did 'help' him a bit, but our financial circumstances had allowed me to set up a matching savings account for both him and his brother that I can use as a 'cushion' for them if they are struggling financially. Basically, I did it using the SSI funds they were given, and keeping what we didn't need for their expenses in a 'trust' for them when they turned 18. So, the money I helped him with this time was actually his money to begin with.

Yes...LOL...it IS ok for you to let your hair down and start to enjoy some activities that you enjoy doing! Have fun! I, myself, built me a MILs/sewing/crafting room that I'm really having a blast with!

Stronger - posted on 10/03/2014

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Dear Guest, thank you for the insightful reply. I did not realise that he might actually be thrilled from the independence and the new experiences; I was imagining that he is terribly depressed and that was dragging me down.

I daresay he is thrilled as well, though he does not admit that.. so I guess I should feel less guilty now about letting my hair down and taking time off to do some much deserved and long overdue good to myself, including for my professional work and health etc. that was on hold for so long!

Thank you, and hugs...really helpful..

Stronger - posted on 10/02/2014

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Thank you Shawn Lively.. that helps... the fact that your son was happy to fly means it cannot be that bad, isnt it? How many years back did he leave and how is he doing now?

Stronger - posted on 10/02/2014

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Oh! Well enjoy your time with them, try not to resent the effort and time involved because it won't ever come back...when they go it is so sudden, and that's it... gone forever practically.. so please cherish your time with them and be grateful even for the trials that come with the job..hugs..

Stronger - posted on 10/02/2014

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Thanks again Michelle! Feel so good I did right by him.
Also, there seems to be a need within for some kind of permission to let go and enjoy ourselves when we know the child/ son is probably not happy, probably lonely, missing the simple luxury of being home etc etc... maybe your post just gave me that permission..hugs.

Michelle - posted on 10/02/2014

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Then he should be fine. You have taught him to be independent and that's the best thing you could have done.
Yes it's hard to let them go but if you have done your job well then they will thrive and make you proud.
Now it's time for you enjoy yourself!!!!

Stronger - posted on 10/02/2014

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Thanks Michelle for your reply! It made me smile as I was expecting some depressing information on how the teens feel when they have to leave home, and instead had to step back and take a look at what I had done to make things easier... thanks for that.... wonderful point, though... I had not indulged him really being very busy with my professional work, so that will turn out to be a blessing now... he was pretty much used to being away from both parents for most of the day since he was a baby...

Michelle - posted on 10/02/2014

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Hopefully you have raised him to be able to look after himself and haven't done everything for him for the last 17 years.

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