teenage son moving in with his dad he's 14

Cindy - posted on 02/02/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old son is moving in with his dad in two weeks and I am devastated. I knew it was going to happen but not for a couple of more years. To keep my story somewhat short I have been through hell and back with my ex..We have been divorced for 10 years and he has since remarried and divorced fathering 2 more children with a total of 5 children. He has been arrested many times for illegal things 3 years ago, since then he seems to be on the up and up. He owns a restaurant and works hard,. He has always spent money on them. He says he is going to spoil him rotten.(Not liking that). . My ex can do no wrong in my sons eyes..He is so excited and thinks things will be great...I know it probrably will be for the first little bit, but I know that may change when his dad realizes how much work it is to raise a teenage boy. This is so hard for me I have cried so much and feel my life is upside down. I want to do the right thing, I told him he has my support and that I love him and I understand he needs to make this journey. My question is do we need to set boundaries in regards to him coming to see us? some people say yes that he needs to know that he has left his home and things have changed although this will always be his home, My son is an amazing kid and I love him more than anything in this world but he is quite rude to me and disrespectful..I know I should have been harder on him, , I

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Raye - posted on 02/03/2016

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Fact is, both you and the father are legally responsible for the kid until he's 18. If the child is disrespectful of you, then this may be a good thing for him to spend time with the father. If things don't work out, you should allow him to come home, but not without making it clear what the house rules are and being consistent with consequences. He can't come back and expect it to be the same cushy existence he left.

Raye - posted on 02/03/2016

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Oh, and you should still have visitation with him even though he lives at dad's. But you can start upholding rules and consequences now... even before he leaves. You should have been doing that all along.

Ev - posted on 02/03/2016

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"My question is do we need to set boundaries in regards to him coming to see us? some people say yes that he needs to know that he has left his home and things have changed although this will always be his home, My son is an amazing kid and I love him more than anything in this world but he is quite rude to me and disrespectful..I know I should have been harder on him, , I"
He is 14 and in the courts eyes in some states that is old enough to make a choice on where to live. And even if you took it to court the judge might well relent and let the kid go live with dad. As for the illegal activities that have landed dad in jail, are they the kind that would put your son in danger (Dove's comments). If they are then maybe he should not be going to live with dad but maybe have more visitation time or something. I would look into that for sure. As for the boundaries, you should have always had those in place with rules and consequences. But if dad is on the mend with his live and his illegal activities are not a danger to the child and the child lives with him, keep same said rules and so forth in place. But you can not deny a minor a place to live because he decided he wants to live with the other parent.

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Cindy - posted on 02/03/2016

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thank you for your advice...my Husband(stepdad to son) feels the same way. You are right I should have been doing that all along, I was way too easy on him and now I'm lying in the bed I made. I will take your advice. Thank you kindly

Dove - posted on 02/02/2016

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If your 14 year old is going to live w/ a man that engages in illegal activity (no way in hell would I let that happen w/out a court battle at that age/stage)... he needs to know that he can ALWAYS come home no matter what, no questions asked.

Your his mom. That's his home.

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