Teenagers/Disrespectful behavior

Lisa - posted on 06/13/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Please give advice on how to deal with my 17 yr old son's disrespectful behavior.

I would appreciate any advice.

Please help.

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Lyndsay - posted on 06/13/2015

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Hi there,
Thankyou for your comment...reminds me i'm not the only Mum having difficulties.
Due to family circumstances i always made excuses to why i shouldn't disciplin correctly. However, over the last few months i have found the strength to carry out what sanctions i would give.
The key for me was & still is... NOT in the heat of an argument i would write down my expectations from my son ( 15 yrs old, 16 in August ) & my daughter ( 14 yrs old ) .....& my plan of action..

I truly hope this helps you...

1) FIRST WARNING.." I don't like the way you are treating me & i NEED you to stop now please "
2) SECOND WARNING with PUNISHMENT..." You are still treating me with a disrespectful manner, i DO NOT appreciate it, therefore you must stop now, otherwise i will..( deduct pocket money / remove your play station etc ) YOU need To make the correct choice...
The third time they act in way you do not appreciate..
3) " Child's name,...you were warned, you were given the opppurtunity to make the right choice..& you didnt't...therefore, i WILL...." ( carry out your punishment.

Be mindful not to beat yourself up if (& when ) you make mistakes...we are learning too.

Punishing out of love is good...is needed for your child to learn society wont accept negative behaviour ...& NEITHER WILL YOU..!!!!

GOOD LUCK...I believe in you...

Lyndsay x

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Tia - posted on 06/15/2015

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Lisa I feel the same way. If I try to punish him he he yells at me sometimes cursing. I think it started when he started talking to this girl online who is an atheist. Oh and now he calls him self one. Now to each his own when it comes to religion however that is not how I was raised and that's not how I raised him . That is how the big argument started that ended up with him having to stay with my mom because it became physical.

His doctor told me to make an appointment to a cardiologist and for him to have some blood work done now he's known this for 2 weeks now comes the night before his appointment I called to check and make sure that he would be ready he tells me he's not going because he has to review for finals . I told him that it was only one day and whatever he needed he can make up the next day. His health is more important. He starts yelling no because he has to be there while the teacher talks because that's how he learns and then starts carrying on about how I stress him out along with school and he can't wait to just get away from me.

I was like Wow all this because I want to make sure your healthy? He hangs up the phone on me. Now my first thought was to go over there yell back and take his phone. I didn't because im just tired. I told him as much as it hurts. Anyone that reaches as much as I've tried will get tired. I told him there will come a time when your hand keeps getting cut off you need to stop reaching. I'm tired. For him to have changed so much I really thought it was drugs. I went as far as had him tested. But everyone says he's too smart to use drugs. He was insulted that I even would havebhim tested.

I just didn't know what else to do. Some say I should be glad that he's in the house by 9 every night. However he locks himself in the room playing video games all day. Heis very antisocial except for the people here he's playing with. I guess we just need to do a lot of praying.

Hugs to you as well

Lisa - posted on 06/15/2015

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Thank-you Jo. Yes, it is good to know that I am not alone with this. I am hoping that counceling will help. He goes into these fits of rage and I do not know where it comes from. I am not giving up. He is a musician and is very talented. However, I have always told him to finish his education after completing high school. I am very afraid he will go out with his band on the road and then God knows what may happen.

He is not into drugs or alchohol-just extreme disrespect and out of control behavior.

Thanks for the chin up!

Jo - posted on 06/15/2015

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I have the same problem with my 18 year old son. He's admitted to me that if I say something he doesn't like, he tries to answers back with hurtful things . I too am a single mum and have been far too soft with him over the past 5 years since his dad left.
I'm at a loss of what to do with him, he's even becoming disrespectful to my Mum. I've threatened with throwing him out but not sure if I could do it. I'm just waiting for him to move out, which hopefully will be soon, very soon.
Chin up Lisa, at least you know you're not the only one now x

Lisa - posted on 06/15/2015

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Hi Tia,

Thanks so much for your post. It means so much to me that people care.
We had another episode last night and he gets so upset and angry at the most normal things. It has gotten hard to impose punishment like taking cell phone, grounding etc because I don't know what he will do. I also was very close with him and he was such a nice sweet and caring person growing up. Things changed about 2 years ago and we are in counceling but he turns 18 soon and I don't know what we will do. Please keep in touch.

Hugs to you

Tia - posted on 06/15/2015

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Hi Lisa

Unfortunately you are not alone. My son is 16. Him and I were majorly close when he was younger and then something happened and I can't even tell you what because I don't know myself. He started to be very disrespectful one time it even became physical. He now stays with my mother, who is not very helpful when it comes to him being disrespectful towards me. To me she tends to side with him even when she knows he's wrong. Him not staying at home makes things a little harder but peaceful at the same time. I felt myself getting sick due to the stress.
To me as long as he knows he has a place to go he will always continue to be disrespectful. but there are so many laws that are against us parents trying to take back the control that is lost. It's not a matter of kicking them out or putting them off on someone else. However I can remember a time where I was disrespectful to my mother and she said ..Pack your bags if you cant follow the rules...then reality hit I had no place to go. Sure I called my Grandmother but she said you better work that out with your mother because you cant stay here. It was called team wirk back then and it worked. To this day I still dont come off wrong at the mouth to my mother. So I took him to counseling but the thing with that is he's 16 now almost an adult. They say its just teenage normal behavior. Nothing is the true cause because he's been asked and asked. I said there has to be a reason maybe I did something. There is nothing. The amount of time that is spent in counseling and not to mention money because I'm a single parent. Is now lost time and money. I need to be able to get along with him now, so that he could be open to me teaching him the life skills he needs to succeed. So he doesn't learn from the wrong people. Not after years Counseling. I don't have any answers but know that you are not alone...

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