teenages

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2013

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OK, I hate to tell you, a boyfriend can't make a person happy. A person has to create their own happiness, and a boyfriend should just be an addendum to that, but to be relying on another person to "make" one happy is a recipe for disaster.

Rather than focusing on this boyfriend making her happy, you need to provide experiences for your daughter to have confidence in herself and be happy within her own skin. I'm sorry this is happening, but in my opinion you have gone about this the wrong way.

I totally understand being disappointed when a relationship goes wrong for your child. My step-daughter broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he was stifling her. He was a nice boy, but he wanted to settle down, she didn't. She's 21, she wants more to life than to do that, and while it was sad, I am so proud that she had the confidence to be her own woman and walk away, live her own life. These are the tools you need to arm your daughter with.

If your daughter can't be happy without relying on others for her happiness, she is not going into adulthood with the tools she needs to live a happy life. She is developing into a clingy, needy girl. You need to work on that. The way you describe your pain, it sounds like you are almost encouraging of her neediness. I think perhaps some counselling could be good for both of you.

Your happiness should not revolve around another person. Sure, other people can affect how you are feeling, but your happiness or lack thereof should be intrinsic.

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Lucille - posted on 10/07/2013

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Thank you - I have made sure that I have not cried or shown how distressed I was around her - my main difficulty is her mental well being which we have been working on for many years. She suffers with anxiety which spills over to OCD and phobias. I was very upset when I posted this as it has been a long on going process to get her better. I appreciate your comment on relying on another person to make one happy I am very aware of this. I feel you have misread this as I was upset and needed to release some emotion. It is wonderful that your step daughter moved into adulthood with such confidence - a by the book result.

Lucille - posted on 10/06/2013

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My 16 year old only child is going through emotional dramas with her boyfriend of 16 months which I think is heading for a break up. She suffers from anxiety and phobias and he was like a gift from heaven in making her happy. I am devastated I am in bed crying and wondering how will I get her through this and not be swallowed up into the black hole she is trying to so desperately to avoid. I am losing the plot. He is a wonderful 17 year old boy and they were so much in sync but is has he own set of demons. The more she clings to him the more he pulls away. How do I help her when I am feeling her pain so deeply.

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