Teens want to live with dad

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My 16 y/o daughter moved out behind my back to her dads house after she got mad at me for grounding her because she was flunking 4 classes. She won't return. Now my son is telling me he is going to live with his dad too. I got served custody modification papers from my ex demanding full custody of both kids. We have joint custody currently. They both talk bad about me and put their dad on a pedestal. I got remarried three years ago after being a single mom for about 8 years. My son hates my new husband and tells me all I do is yell and ground them for stupid stuff. My daughter tells me our house is stressful and she isn't coming back. I was going to fight the ex in court over this but the more time passes, the more I just feel defeated with both kids putting me down and feel like its a losing battle. This has put so much stress in my life and I'm sad, angry, hurt, etc. is there anyone else that has dealt with this type of situation before, I need to know I'm not the only one.

To add to this every time I try to contact my daughter to speak to her, text her, etc, she ignores my calls and texts. Finally she responded to me, the first couple of encounters were not pleasant because I was so angry and hurt by her emptying out her room while I was at work and not telling me anything, but the last time I spoke to her for one hour only it went okay because I didn't talk about any of the recent issues and her moving out. I'm so hurt that I am only worth one hour of her time here and there. Its like I no longer matter. Also my son is so disrespectful of me now, he has nothing to do with me when he does come because he is just waiting until he gets to live with his dad full time. He told me his dad told him it will take a few months, but he will be able to live with him permanently soon.

I understand I should reach out to my children often, but I'm tired of being the doormat and being told no I am not coming to see you today or no I don't have to see you or come to your house. I'm just done with it. They say if you love something set it free....never thought that meant my kids, but slowly i'm coming to realize that is exactly what I have to do for my own sanity as well.


View replies by

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2013




There is no valid reason concerning safety, it's just that their dad and stepmom I feel brainwash my children against me, especially my daughter. This happened when my daughter was younger too...the stepmom was asking my daughter personal questions about me like who is your mom dating, did anyone stay overnight, is your mom mean to you, etc. Slowly I saw my daughter slowly becoming more distant with me. Well, guess what, she is up to her same tricks again. I don't know how this woman does it, but she has a way of alienating my children from me and there is not a darn thing I can do about it, but hope one day they snap out of it and realize the truth.

I do appreciate your advice and believe in what you say on grounding vs. setting up a contract, because I do believe that is a positive approach, but I guess it's a little too late now, she is gone, so she gets to do whatever she wants now with her dad.

I will try to stay in contact with her and eventually him after he leaves, but I have to let go of my own anger, hurt, and resentment first before I can move forward with them at a different level.

Jodi - posted on 11/09/2013




Unless there is a really valid reason concerning the safety of your children, then I wouldn't fight their wishes. They really are old enough to make up their own minds. Here in Australia, a judge probably wouldn't even bother to hear the case based on the age of the kids.

Maybe the kids have a valid point. Don't discount how they feel. Maybe a better approach could have been adopted. Maybe grounding for bad grades wasn't needed, but rather, setting up a contract for her study timetable and then allowing her free time outside of that for working well during her study time. Without knowing the details, I can't say. Why do they feel your house is stressful?

Anyway, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Maybe the best you can do is try to repair your relationship with your children at a different level - not one where they are living with you, but one where you can keep contact with them, take an interest in what they are doing, and just show them you love them.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms