Telling a child about their biological absent parent and a surname change when they take a step-dad's surname

Zamo - posted on 09/15/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )

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hello ladies, I have a 3 year old girl and my husband has a 6 year old boy. when we met my girl was a year old so she grew up seeing him around. she calls him by name because that's how he introduced himself but to people she says my dad "Frank" . my question is that since we got married, we have both changed surnames as he legally adopted her. how do we tell her about the surname change? I received the documents last week and havent said zilch to her. her BD (bilogical dad) left when I was 6 months pregnant and hasnt seen her ever since. He knows her name and has seen pictures but is not interested in seeing her at all. his own words were that he's scared of seeing her in case he loves her because he doesnt want to know and love her. to cut a long story short - he was married when we were together and i found out about that when his wife died when I was 10 weeks pregnant and I couldnt get past the deception so when he realised I couldnt forgive him and be with him he left when I was 6 months pregnant ( i suspect he never intended to stay anyway). I have said he can have a relationship with our daughter if he wants to but he doesnt. to him she's proof of his lies and a reminder of what a messy situation he created, so yeah he's gone. she doesnt know about his existence at all, I have his pictures and contact details including his home address in case she chooses to contact him when she's older. for now though she has always used my surname so how do we tell her about the surname change. and at what age should we tell her that "Frank" is her step dad and how do we tell her about her BD. I dont want her to know all the details that she doesn't have to know and we have decided not to lie because when she finds out her bilogical details when she's older she might get angry at us for lying to her. In summary: 1: how do we tell her about the surname change? 2: at what age and how do we tell her about her BD and what do we say and not say? thanks ladies.

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