Telling my toddler im pregnant

Michelle - posted on 04/13/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

6

0

1

No judging please. So one year ago for reasons that was best for my child at that time me and my husband signed over custody to my mom for my son. he is almost 4 years old. we still see him frequently but he doesnt live with us. That isnt permanent but right now that is the situation. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant (not showing enough for anyone to have noticed yet) and i havent told my parents or my son. My concern is how to tell my son. he wants a sibling so bad, he talks about it all the time but im concerned how it will affect him when we have this child and go to visitation with him and he wonders why the baby is going home with us and he is not. any suggestions would be great.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/13/2016

13,264

21

2015

Stop contradicting yourself.

You DID ask how it would affect him.

He's going to be HURT. He's going to wonder why you are STILL leaving him behind. It doesn't matter that you did it for all the right reasons (giving temp custody to your folks). to a 4 YO, he's going to see that you love the baby more because you are taking the baby home with you.

You had probably better involve a counselor for this transition.

11 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 04/13/2016

6

0

1

thank you. i am already aware its going to be hard and upsetting for him. i just know its going to be a hard situation and want to like you said make sure he knows how much i love him. its not permanent so thats good just i wanna make it as easy as i can on him until he is back with me.

Ev - posted on 04/13/2016

7,952

7

918

Another thing I would suggest is to make him feel like he is a big part of all that is going on. Let him help pick out new things for the baby, talk about what he thinks about the whole idea, and make sure he understands he is loved. That is most important.

Michelle - posted on 04/13/2016

6

0

1

yea i didnt ask how it would i just said it was a concern about how it would affect him.
being concerned means to worry.

and he is currently seeing a play therapist so im hoping that may help.

Dove - posted on 04/13/2016

11,897

0

1350

*im concerned how it will affect him when we have this child and go to visitation with him and he wonders why the baby is going home with us and he is not.

* im not asking how it will affect him.

Ev - posted on 04/13/2016

7,952

7

918

I gave you advice. Talk to your folks first and then talk to him and tell him in words simple to his age that a baby is coming and that once you are able to bring him home you will.

I have to say that you will get some responses you won't like at all. But you have to understand from a child's point of view as well because they do not understand what is going on and why things are the way they are. He might think you are replacing him at some point and time. You need to be ready for jealousy too. It happens in kids this age. Just make sure you reassure him you love him and all.

Michelle - posted on 04/13/2016

6

0

1

first, as stated, he isnt 4 yet. he will be 4 in july. also, i have a stable place and a very good job now but there were other issues to be worked out that the courts required that are still being taken care of.
again, no need for rude comments. my son means more to me than anything in this world. i see him often, he is very much still a part of my life and his feelings are very important to me. which is why i asked the best way to explain things to him. im not asking how it will affect him. i obviously know it will be upsetting. but i wanted suggestions on the best way to go about things as far as explaining things to him. we have to go to court to get things settled back out so he wont be there too much longer after i have the baby but while he is i just wanted advice on how to explain things to him.

Dove - posted on 04/13/2016

11,897

0

1350

Oh... and a 4 year old isn't a toddler. Once they turn 3 they are developmentally labeled as preschoolers. Sorry... pet peeve of mine when people refer to their older children as toddlers. ;)

Dove - posted on 04/13/2016

11,897

0

1350

How will it affect him? How would you feel if you were still married to your husband, but he had you go live somewhere else and brought a new wife into the home w/ him?

I do not know why he is not living w/ you and that isn't any of my business, but this is not a good situation on any level. If the reasons you signed over your son have not been resolved... you really have no business bringing another child into your lives. If the reasons you signed him over HAVE been resolved... get him back in your home where he belongs.

Ev - posted on 04/13/2016

7,952

7

918

First off, I just hope you and your husband went to a judge and go the temporary custody set up for your son to be with his grandmother rather than make an agreement that was notarized.
Second, you can not hide this fact forever. You are going to have to tell them soon. I would talk to your parents first and then after that tell your son. At four he is more aware of and pays a bit more attention to what is going on around him. He is not a toddler anymore. He needs to know as well. Be truthful about things. He is not going to understand how it works getting a baby and all but he will understand one is coming. How long will he have to stay with his grandparents? Also if he is still in their custody for the time being when baby comes and you go visit, you are going to have to explain to him that he has to stay and if he is going to join you soon maybe say one day he will be with you again.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms