Telling your kids the truth?

Keera - posted on 12/01/2010 ( 96 moms have responded )

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Not many people agree but my fiance & I don't want to lie to our son. With Christmas coming up and everything people telling my son (even though he is only 8months) that Santa is going to come see him. We want to tell my son about Santa & the truth. This way he knows the truth but can also "believe" for the other kids. One thing my fiance mom said was "What will you do when he asks where babies come from when he is 4?" (Me): "We plan to tell him the truth just kinda 'dumb it down' a little since he'll be young."

What do others think?

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Beverly - posted on 12/01/2010

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I have always told my son the truth, I have never been dishonest (well, except when he was a toddler and refused to eat vegetables!) But believing in Santa is part of being a child. Don't take that away from him. You're not lying. It's called fantasy, just like anything else kids enjoy as kids. No matter what our feelings are about issues in life, let a child be a child, don't let them grow up too fast. Explain to your son when he is old enough and starts asking questions about Santa. But give him a chance. I was forced to tell my son about sex in kindergarten, thanks to his friend with lesbian parents. It was way too soon, but he started to have questions. I bought the book "where did I come from" and we went through it. Just as I have with everything else including drugs. He was always smarter than the other kids, he knew stuff he heard was false and made the right choices because of it. We have a great relationship now that he's 18.

Jodi - posted on 12/02/2010

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I missed that one JuLeah. I can't understand that one either......why would it force a discussion about sex. Why not just a discussion about all families being different? My daughter is in a family where she has a half brother who lives with us but has a different daddy, and a half brother and half sister who visit who BOTH have different mummies. She has a friend who doesn't have a mummy or daddy and lives with her grandparents. She has an uncle who has a male partner. At 5 1/2, she is comfortable with the knowledge that there are different families, and that knowledge doesn't HAVE to be about sex!!! So you actually CHOSE to discuss sex with your child about sex, don't blame the fact that your son was exposed to a lesbian family.

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2010

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I don't see any harm in keeping the magic of Santa (and Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy) alive for kids. Honestly, the kids of mine who no longer believe are okay with the pretence. I mean, it's not like it has damaged them for life or anything. I don't see it as a *lie*.



What you choose to do is up to you. However, if your kid, who knows the truth, decides they can't keep their mouth shut and tells other kids (and when they are young, good luck with that), just expect some backlash. I'd be pissed if your kid told my kid in the playground that Santa wasn't real. Just sayin'.

Kate CP - posted on 12/04/2010

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Okay, Angel...we'll have a go with what you're saying. My daughter doesn't believe that Jesus was the messiah. Never has, probably never will. She also doesn't believe that he healed the sick or raised the dead or any of that other stuff. Science also doesn't believe it, either. So I guess it's fine for my kid to tell your kid that his mommy lied to him because she believes that Jesus was the messiah and performed miracles?

Nice.

Donna - posted on 12/03/2010

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the whole santa thing is about believing in miracles and don't take that away from him he will need it down the road..shame on both of you...let him be a child

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Keera - posted on 12/05/2010

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This convo is going to be closed....

IM TIRED OF THE MEAN MESSAGES!!!! I'm not a bad mother just because I'm telling my son the truth about it all! YES I believe in God! I started this to see what others thought NOT to get other people to bad mouth me or anyone else! If you don't like others views get over it and don't be mean! I'm Not going to tell my son he can't believe. If he does ok. If he doesn't OK! When he is older & has kids if they want to do the Santa thing and all that fine I won't kill it for them. But people seriously...I'm 18 and a lot of people sending me messages are 2x my age & telling me "you're a bad parent." People grow up! I'm the teen and I'm being more mature & not fighting back w/ anyone!

Melanie - posted on 12/05/2010

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we have a total truth policy in our house...if they ask we tell, as honestly as possible for their age of course. i explained birth (natural & caeser) to my son when he was 2..because he asked!
i have 3 kids 10, 5 & 8mths, my 10yr old knows theres no easter bunny or tooth fairy & has just started questioning the truth in santa & we've told him a long time ago there really was a Santa Claus (Saint Nick) ive told my son if u believe u receive & as long as he doesnt spoil it for his sisters im happy (imagination is an important part of growing up & i want my kids to be kids as long as they can)

Mandy - posted on 12/05/2010

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I am all for the truth I just tell my kids that if someone chooses to believe in Santa coming not to take it away from them, it's like believing in God some people do some don't but it's not fair for us to judge them or tell them that something isn't real.

Rebecca - posted on 12/05/2010

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I'm not telling any 'lie' to my kid. I'm giving her the chance to believe in miracles and the spirit of giving without expecting anything in return (yes we do give family pressies too). Every year also when I was a kid we would buy a couple of pressies to give to the salvos for the kids who would have gone without and we were told that Santa needs help and we're giving like Santa. I felt so proud giving my pressies to the salvos knowing that I also was part of helping keeping the magic alive because I didn't want other kids to not have what I had. I know this is going a bit off track but honestly technically I'm not lying (I am santa, like I am mum and Rebecca). I'm 26 years old, my sister is 23 and we still 'feel' something in the air every Chirtsmas eve. We feel the spirit of Christmas. I want to give my children a chance to believe because once they know, there is no taking it back, no second chances and until I know of one kid who was in some way mentally or otherwise affected by it then apart from being the scrouge of the 21st century how is it going to hurt your kid? Honestly how?

Rebecca - posted on 12/05/2010

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I'm personally in two places. The magic of santa (easter bunny, tooth fairy) was such an amazing thing for myself as a kid and I want to give that magic to my kids. This may sound strange but it taught me a lot about the spirit of Christmas. I don't know any kids who have ever been hurt by believing in Santa. When it comes to a time when my kids ask me and they are sure something is up then yes I will tell them the truth but I don't want to take away from them what I had as a kid (my parents made it such a magical time). As with sex and stuff yes fine I will be honest but expecting my kid to firstly never have to chance to expereince the wonders of Santa and secondly have to spend their entire adolesance being forced into keeping such a big secret and being a complete sceptic of that side of Christmas is just too sad for me. My mums a teacher and every year my dad dresses up as santa and visits her class (kids are in kindergarden) in the last week of school, giving the kids out some sweets and having a chat with them. I've been there once before and there is nothing that warms your heart more than seeing 20 kids totally wide eyed and jumping in their chairs squealing their little hearts out, and nothing more sad then seeing the one kid in the middle of the class slunk in his chair and rolling his eyes. Who does it honestly hurt?

Jackie - posted on 12/05/2010

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sad. just sad.



I don't know about anyone else but Santa IS coming down my chimney this year and he WILL have cookies and milk waiting for him :P I also got word that he will be leaving Allison a Dora Bike

Angel - posted on 12/05/2010

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I think that was very well put Lissa.

Jodi-I believe in God. MY son's father does not, never has, and probably never will. Whether my son will believe in God will be solely up to him. My son will defintely know that people have different beliefs about religion just like he will know that people teach their kids about santa. While there may be a story about St. Nicholas, if you read a history book, you will find Jesus Christ in it. So a man named Jesus Christ did in fact walk the earth. So there is truth there as well. My son will know I believe in God but that his father does not and it will be his choice whether he believes. I will tell him the truth about santa and when he grows up it will be his choice whether he tells his kids the truth about santa or not. I have to say that I don't think there is any comparison to God and santa IMO.

Why do people keep mixing santa with having a childhood? I have looked everywhere and have not found one place, website, etc. that equates santa with having a childhood.

Katherine - posted on 12/05/2010

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Why would it be so difficult to say to all our children
"This is what you believe, some people believe other things. You may think it's silly to believe but it's important to respect others beliefs.


Yes, REALLY

Lissa - posted on 12/05/2010

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Why would it be so difficult to say to all our children
"This is what you believe, some people believe other things. You may think it's silly to believe but it's important to respect others beliefs.
I am sure most of us with older children have done this when explaining different religions to our children. There is no right and wrong in this situation, it's what's best for your family. If another child does tell yours there is no Santa you deal with it, you ask them what they think, if they believe fine, explain other beliefs are different, if they think Santas not real after all they are old enough to find.
We are all adults here and this thread seems to be quite disrespectful of others, is this what we want to be teaching our kids?

[deleted account]

Gah why ruin it for him when he asks? why don't you let him be a child for a while? They all have to grow up so why don't we let them have a childhood these days?

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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"Why should my kid be subjected to santa just because you want to lie to yours about him? I think it is sad that people choose to lie but that is their choice too."



But in some people's eyes, you DO lie to your child about a fake person. I mean, you don't know if it is the truth. It is YOUR truth, because all religion is built on faith, but for some people, they would consider you lie to your child too.



And yes, our children should respect those beliefs too.



The story of St Nicholas isn't a lie, it is truth, so in many ways, there is some basis for some truth with the *magic* of Santa.



Just sayin'.

Katherine - posted on 12/04/2010

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Oh, my mistake LOL, you're not even the OP. I don't think she came back.

Katherine - posted on 12/04/2010

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Absolutely., you have a lot to deal with, thank God he's only 8mo and you have time :)

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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People whose kids believe in santa should also be taught to be respectful of those who don't believe in santa.

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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lol. Was just a general question really.

I think it is mean that other children should be able to tell him that there is a santa and he shouldn't be able to say there is not a santa. Poeple teach their kids about boogyman and monsters, is it mean if my son tells them there is no such thing? I don't think so. They are gonna find out one way or the other.

It seems as though SOME of you have found some invisible words in my posts. I NEVER wrote that I will tell my son to go around telling every kid he comes across that there is no such thing as santa.

Why should my kid be subjected to santa just because you want to lie to yours about him? I think it is sad that people choose to lie but that is their choice too.

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2010

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I am with the other ladies my kids don't push believing Santa on any other child but someone else's child possibly ruining what we do believe in such as Santa would be completely cruel and mean.

They should really be taught to be respectful of others beliefs, others families and feelings. They really have no right to take away Santa and the magic that he brings to so many children. If you choose not to celebrate using Santa I think it is sad but that is your choice and I wouldn't convince you otherwise and I would be respectful of your decision. You should also do the same in return and allow my child to believe and do that until they are ready not too.

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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One of those posts I said to get bent the other I did not. So why was that one deleted?

Kate CP - posted on 12/04/2010

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So, what's wrong with the answer "I got this and this and this for Christmas"?



Edited to add: I don't care if he "goes along" with my child. But ruining a childhood fantasy that my daughter enjoys is mean.

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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I told someone to get bent after I was called cruel, horrible and a destroyer of childhoods. The post that I said to get bent in is not the one that was deleted.

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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Though I agree that kids don't usually walk up and say "santa is real" but they do say "what did santa bring you" and if my son says "nothing, santa isn't real" why would you be pissed. If that did happen, it would be your job to keep up the lie about santa. Why would you be pissed if my son doesn't go along with you kid?

Kate CP - posted on 12/04/2010

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You told some one to get bent. That's a personal attack. It's like telling some one to fuck off only without using profanity.

Kate CP - posted on 12/04/2010

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I have never met a kid who just wanders up to another child and says "Santa's real!" Usually it's "I can't wait for Santa to come!" or "I got to see Santa when I went shopping with Mommy." How is THAT imposing their beliefs on other people? By that logic I should be pissed off at every cross I see because it's imposing the belief that Jesus died for my sins.

Look, if some kid comes up to your's and says "My Mommy says Santa's real and YOUR mommy is wrong!" then your kid has every right to say whatever the hell he wants to say. But if my daughter says "I love Santa!" and your kid says "Santa's not real" I'm going to be pissed.

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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Not really sure why my post was deleted. I think that is bs. If everyone is entitled to their opinion I don't see why mine would be deleted. I attacked no one in that deleted post.

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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So if I am unstanding this right, other kids are able to impose their beliefs on my kid and he should stand by quietly and not speak up about what he believes in? If others want to raise their children to be passive and unopinionated, that is their right. I will not tell my son to stand by quietly, he will be entitled to his opinion like everyone else.

Wow, your post didn't come across the way you wanted it to all. Where did I write that I want my son to inform other people that their beliefs are wrong? I wrote that I will not tell my son to lie.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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You can also teach your child to respect other people's beliefs without having them lie. If you don't teach him this, he WILL inform other kids - that's what kids do.

Kate CP - posted on 12/04/2010

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"I am not saying that you have to go with what I am saying. This is my opinion and I have every right to it and have every right to defend it. If your child doesn't believe in Jesus then that is her right and I wouldn't expect her to have to pretend she does believe in him just to appease me."

Wow...you didn't get the point of my post at all. My point was that it's rude and mean to inform other people that their beliefs are wrong or a lie.

Iysha - posted on 12/04/2010

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I dont remember being told santa was coming or anything...but I do remember when I didnt believe....I think kids catch on pretty young, at least in my family. lol. I used to lie and say I still believed in Santa for the extra present =] Santa's gifts were always better then anyone else's!!! I couldnt have gotten very dissapointed if I dont remember. I know my SIL (11yrs old) had a hard time with finding out santa wasnt real. Her dad had gone to Toys R Us the day before xmas eve and her present had a Toys R Us sticker on it...she was crying and asking "Why did You Lie to Me?"

I dont know what I'm going to do...I still have about a year to think it over, my daughter is 17 months.

Katherine - posted on 12/04/2010

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I still fail to see where I said that I will TELL my kid to inform others that santa is bogus. I will not tell him to lie about it. Why should other children get to be able to tell him there is santa but he can't tell them there isn't?


That's a really hard situation to be in. I think the best thing to do is to have your son not respond at all....

I remember when I found out there was no Santa, I was 5, and I was crushed. It was also from another child. Now she didn't know any better. But yours does. I understand your strong beliefs, but you have to respect others too.

Sara - posted on 12/04/2010

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Let's try to keep it civil, ladies! Telling someone to "get bend" is not appropriate and a violation of the "No THUMPS" Circle of Moms policy. Keep it polite please, or we'll lock this thread.

Sara B.
WTCOM Moderator

Katherine - posted on 12/04/2010

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****ADMINISTRATIVE WARNING****

If there are any more personal attacks, I am locking this thread.


Katherine
Admin
WtCoM

Lindsey - posted on 12/04/2010

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I believed in Santa until I was around 8 or 9, and I turned out just fine. Christmas was a magical time for me when I was younger, and I want that same magic for my children. Besides, they grow up so fast, and before you know it that innocence and sense of wonder will be replaced by teenage "know-it-all-ness" and a serious attitude problem. Why not try to give them as much of a childhood as we possibly can, while we can. At least that's how I see it.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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"Oh, and ruin the magic? There is no such thing as magic."



But that is YOUR belief, not mine. Just because you don't believe in the *magic* of christmas, doesn't mean other people don't. I find your entire attitude to be selfish and disrespectful of others. Enough said.



With regard to the one child thing, you totally missed my point. But anyway.....

[deleted account]

Angel, I 'think' telling someone to get bent could be considered a personal attack. If not, it's extremely rude. I do not agree w/ anyone saying that I've ruined my children's childhood, destroyed their creativity, or any of the other nonsense that has been spouted by the 'Santa pushers' (for lack of a better term), but I also strongly disagree w/ your approach to this matter (I know, you'll probably tell me to get bent and I'll enjoy that mature response). I, also, would not encourage my children to ever lie, but it is NOT their place to inform some other little kid that Santa is not real and you could have some extremely angry parents on your hand.... If you were to tell some of the parents that I'VE seen to 'get bent'.... you could wind up in the hospital. ;)

On a side note.... caring for children does give you experience w/ children which can be HELPFUL in parenting, but being an actual parent is a whole different ball game

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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@Jodi- First, just because I have one child does not mean that I don't have experience. I used to be a child and know quite well that kids hide things from parents, especially if they don't trust them. Having kids is not a requirement to knowing that. NO where is it written that you can't have experience with children just because you don't have any. There are plenty of teachers and daycare workers and child experts that have no children of their own. Second, where did I write that I will ENCOURAGE my son to disrespect someone's views? I said I don't plan on telling him to lie. Him not lying is disrespectful? I not once said that I will teach my son to go around saying that santa is a big fat fake. I will not encourage him to lie just to appease you or any other parent. I won't be surprised if people have a problem with it when he gets older, they can get bent too. Oh, and ruin the magic? There is no such thing as magic.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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In my view, it is just very wrong to impose YOUR views of Christmas on everyone else's child. Instead of teaching your child to have respect for other people's views, you are actively encouraging him to disrespect them just because of YOUR beliefs. That's selfish IMO.



If you want to raise your child not believing in Santa, that is absolutely your prerogative and I have no right to interfere with that. But what gives you the right to encourage your child to ruin the magic for other people's children? Don't be at ALL surprised when other people start having a problem with that when your child gets older.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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"I doubt very seriously they trust you like you think they do."

Oh, ok then, I'll take that advice on board from someone with an 11 month old. Evidently you have all the experience as a parent to be able to tell me my children don't trust me as much as I think. Jebus.

Hayley - posted on 12/04/2010

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i think each to there own . i like to tell my daughter age appropriate truth about things like when she asked me how she came out of my tummy and how babies are made and she's only 4. but at the same time i let her believe in santa as we did when we where kids she get heaps of excitement out of it. she gets one present from santa and some presents from mum and dad. my mum raised us telling us the age appropriate truth about all different topics and i believe it really helped me when i was growing up.

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2010

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Oh and my oldest 2 children believed 100% in Santa until they were 12 yrs old. My youngest still believes in Santa at 4. That is absolutely ridiculous that your children won't trust you or be close to you if they believed in Santa, The Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. My children all believed in all of it and we have the closest relationship you can ask for and by the way now go around and try and make it even more special for there little brother so he can have the magic as long as possible.

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2010

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"My son is 11 months but when he is older I have no intention on lying about santa. I also don't plan on telling him that he can't tell people that santa is not real. If he went around telling other kids that santa is real then he would be lying too. If other parents didn't like him telling the truth...oh well. I am not going to lie just to make someone else feel better and neither should my son."

That is absolutely HORRIBLE that you would teach your child to destroy another childs childhood just because you did it to your child. I am so thankful my children will never be in contact with yours because I can tell already that your parenting style is one that would make me not like you or your children one bit. This may be one of the absolutely cruelest things I have ever heard.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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Oh, and just for the record, all but 1 of my kids knows the truth about Santa now, and they trust me. IMO it is total bullshit that it teaches your kids not to trust you. It is HOW you deal with it that does that.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

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" I also don't plan on telling him that he can't tell people that santa is not real. If he went around telling other kids that santa is real then he would be lying too. If other parents didn't like him telling the truth...oh well."

Way to go in having respect for other people's views. You think there might be a lesson in respecting other people's beliefs?

Angel - posted on 12/04/2010

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I think that telling your child there is such a thing as santa is lying. There is no such thing as a fat man in a red suit who flys around on magical reindeer and delivers presents to the whole world in one evening. Your children depend on you and trust you. If you lie to them about santa or anything, it will teach them to not trust you. If you lie it teaches them to lie. My son is 11 months but when he is older I have no intention on lying about santa. I also don't plan on telling him that he can't tell people that santa is not real. If he went around telling other kids that santa is real then he would be lying too. If other parents didn't like him telling the truth...oh well. I am not going to lie just to make someone else feel better and neither should my son. I know several adults that are still bitter at their parents for lying about santa.



My parents never lied to me about santa or anything else. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, in fact I am very grateful. To this day I can tell my mom about ANYTHING and trust any advice she gives.



If you want to tell the truth to your son about santa I say that is a wonderful idea. I believe in the future your son will not hesitate to trust you as you have always been honest with him.

Lisa - posted on 12/04/2010

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I think it is strictly a personal matter for each family to decide. But, for children who do not grow up believing in the magic of Santa Claus, they should be taught to respect that some children do believe in the magic of Santa Claus. My oldest nephew told me last year (9) that Santa is really his mom and dad but he pretends because his brothers still believe and he likes keeping the secret alive for them. It didn't devastate him, he grew into the next magic part of Santa Claus, making it come true for other children.

And I really don't think most parents set out to intentionally LIE to their children. We've never told our 4 year old that Santa is real but in her heart, she's choosen to believe in the magic of Santa Claus. Today Santa was visiting at our library and we went and did crafts and when it was her turn to talk to Santa she ran up and gave him a great big hug and another when she left. Right now that is an important part of her life that she chooses to believe and unfortunately, one day my little girl will grow up and I hope she keeps the magic of Christmas alive in her heart, even if she knows that Santa is mommy and daddy.

Fiona - posted on 12/04/2010

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I believe...enough said...
I still cry at Miracle on 34th Street, and I hope my children feel the magic in Christmas in the same way as I ALWAYS cry at a Disney film...

Isn't the magic enough?

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