Temper tantrums and anxiety issues.

Lashona - posted on 06/06/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Please help. I have a 21 month old son that cries daily with the day care provider when the parents come to pick up their children. He screams and hits and is hard to calm down. He does this at home when people come to our house. He screams and yells and have tantrums throughout the day when he can't get his way. I put him time out by making him go to his room until he calms down. I'm so worried, I don't know what to do. Please help.

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Vanessa - posted on 06/06/2013

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So he's not quite 2 yet....Cathy gave such great advice. ( I have a son who is sensitive to people talking to him directly, and I get that, people don't understand.) So I bought this carrier called a Ergo which is built to hold children up to 3 years old. I found it from a Japanese friend of mine who always carries his son on his back when they're shopping, just to keep it easy. My son loved it and was totally at peace when he was with me. He's now 5 and very open to talking to other. Anyway, I wondered if you carried him facing your chest or even on your back if he would feel safer and less anxious.
If your interested I bought my Ergo at Target for $80, and after l forgetting it in a park I found a decent knock off from a Chinese company on Ebay for $30.
And person to person, I agree that when children are anxious the best thing to do is find a way to make relieve them of that anxiety and/or fear until they grow to recognize that they are safe. Poor little guy, growing up isn't always easy...

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Lashona - posted on 06/07/2013

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Thanks Vanessa. How old was he when he began to be more social with other people?

Cathy - posted on 06/06/2013

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inlaws sometimes someimes stink at this stuff. they love them so much they are just blinded to any problems. instead of trying to make them see it try to allow them to be ignorant. it will be easier on everyone. if you are always correcting the inlaws you will get a lot of attitude from people. I would practice floor time at home when friends you trust visit and when people who don't get it come that can be practice time to see how you are progressing with him. it can take months to really see any improvement so don't expect him to be magically well behaved. you may need to seperate him from the main door when people enter. that may upset him to see people enter his space. maybe if he come out to visit after they are already there it will be less scary. I would offer a favorite like for my girl there would be a new sheet of stickers or a new board book on the couch so she would want to see it and whenever people would come we would try to have a positive association. it didn't say when people come you get gifts but that is what we tried and weaned her down to just a rotated toy of ours instead of a new one eventually.
cathy

Lashona - posted on 06/06/2013

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Thanks again. When I say parents I mean the other day care kids parents and people who come to our home. I try to tell people to not greet him and let him warm up to them but my in laws don't get it.

Lashona - posted on 06/06/2013

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Thanks again. When I say parents I mean the other day care kids parents and people who come to our home. I try to tell people to not greet him and let him warm up to them but my in laws don't get it.

Lashona - posted on 06/06/2013

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Thanks again. When I say parents I mean the other day care kids parents and people who come to our home. I try to tell people to not greet him and let him warm up to them but my in laws don't get it.

Cathy - posted on 06/06/2013

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well i am a little unsure what "parents" means. Are you the parent? are they your parents so his grandparents? anyway my daughter is so sensory defensive that when 2 people talk in front of her she used to pull her hair out and scream. It was awful. even her dad and I had to limit our talk to just her or must talks. I know this sounds like we were giving in to a brat but we knew she really was having a problem and it was more than just trying to control us. she just couldn't handle the sounds. I did something called "floor time" to help. so when people would come I would sit on teh floor and play with her. Like totally silly look that the car driving or the ball is bouncing engaging play. If she felt safe and like i was with her it helped her to sort of ignore the other people talking. slowly i would join the converstaion months later only a little. I am not saying this is what you should do but it is what i did and now she can handle people talking a little better. she doens't melt down but she does interupts us to talk to us instead of listening to our conversation and waiting her turn. she is almost 7 now.
cathy

Lashona - posted on 06/06/2013

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Thanks for responding Cathy. But how do I handle the issue with him having a hard time with parents or people for that matter coming into the home? He sees those parents daily and has a meltdown when they come through the door. If someone comes to our home he does it sometimes but not all the time. It's like he gets anxious or nervous and begins to scream, cry and hits and bangs his head against you. I have never seen a toddler do this before. I'm so scared and worried for him.

Cathy - posted on 06/06/2013

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my daughter totally did this. and she still suffers from rage issues but she has very much improved. She ground her teeth down from being mad and would bite me. seperating the child when they misbave is very good and trying to not give the tantrum attention is really key because sometimes my child would get upset and stare at me waiting for me to get upset like it was neat to watch. I also when she would get very physical would try to restrain her gently and get her to breath calmly for me to let her go. I have seen other moms have holding time outs for kids who like to be snuggled but mine didn't.
cathy

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