terrible three step mom angst

Ashley - posted on 08/01/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I just took on full time responsibility for my 3 year old future step son... he was a sweet boy up until about a month after we moved into our place. Due to finances we allowed his Nana to move in with us in order to be able to afford it. His behavior is getting worse all the time. I am not sure if its me or other things. I have had some issues with his Nana in the past interfering when I try to teach him how to behave properly, she has yelled at me in front of him to disciplining him. I follow the fathers advice and what he says works. She gets mad when I spank him but then its ok for her to spank him when he acts out for her. He thinks he can scream and demand things from me, tries to force himself to be sick when he doesnt get his way. I am just totally at a loss at this point. The dad works a lot and does not see the extreme behavior that goes on because he knows not to act that way towards his dad. But he seems to have no respect for me or for his Nana anymore either. I get along great with her but she seems to interfere and no matter how many times I tell her that she is causing problems she doesnt always listen. She has gotten better about it and I am not sure what all could be the cause and how to handle him at this point. I have no children of my own so this is pretty much new territory for me. I have extreme anxiety issues and stress causes me to have chest problems that makes it hard to breathe and causes severe pain and I am trying my best. I have joined a FB group to get advice and have gotten a lot of rude advice about how I need to just get over my stress and do more for him. I do so much and give up so much for him and I am just getting tired and feel like I am failing. Any helpful suggestions and advice would be much appreciated! Thanks in Advance!

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Leela - posted on 08/04/2013

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Is it possible that u are just not ready for this? 3 does seem extreme for this type of behavior. U definitely need all the adults to be on the same page but if it doesn't happen then be prepared that this situation will just get worse

Ashley - posted on 08/01/2013

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yes i have most def tried the no spanking and as it is i do not do it unless taking things away, sending to room, etc. do not work and he keeps on and on getting worse. it honestly seems that the only thing that he respects is getting a spanking. I hate spanking and have tried to avoid it at all costs. But it does not seem to work with him. I even have made him stay in bed all day when he played sick and pretended to throw up by coughing and spitting into the toilet. He is a VERY bright little boy and it seems that he knows exactly what he is doing!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/01/2013

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There needs to be a conversation amongst the adults in the household, everyone needs to be consistent with discipline.

Regardless of the "dad never sees this behaviour" deal, everyone must be on the same page.

The other thing is that he's 3. You're describing some pretty extreme behaviours for 3...Generally they don't get to the manipulation stage for a couple more years (the "forcing himself to get sick")

Has anyone in the house ever contemplated not spanking the kid, but enforcing other consequences? Spanking should be used in EXTREME situations only. Such as: You've repetitively told him not to run out into the street, you see him running towards the very busy street, and not paying attention...a quit thump on the butt to get his attention, redirect from traffic, and then provide consequences (stay in house for rest of day...)

Don't misunderstand, I spanked my kids, but only in EXTREME situations.

Also, family counseling would be a good idea. A 3 yo doesn't have a friggin clue about what's going on in his life, except that its a bit confusing right now, and if he plays it right, he's going to get what he wants from everyone.

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