texting late at night

[deleted account] ( 20 moms have responded )

Is it ok for your 14 yr old daughter to be texting with an ex boyfriend all night till 3am?
She says they are just friends now and since it's summer and she gets good grades that she should be able to relax and go to bed late if she wants.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2014

13,258

21

2015

If you don't like the suggestions you're given, you don't have to take them.

However, my opinion is that, if you allow the kid to do whatever they want, you've put both the kid and yourself into a worse position.

Expectations and consequences are a normal part of living. If you do not have high expectations for your kids, or you don't want to instill consequences for inappropriate behaviour, then you're not doing the rest of us any favours when we have to deal with your kid.

Neither of my kids had access to electronics in their rooms after their bedtime curfew, neither of them rebelled, both of them understood the restriction. My eldest is now on his own, awesomely responsible for himself, my youngest will graduate soon, and be just as self sufficient as his brother. Both will have good morals and standards, because both already do. Because at the age of 14, they had rules to abide by, and restrictions to adhere to.

So, if you're worried you're being too strict, rest assured, you are not. However, I doubt that you have much to worry about, because I'm sensing a strong sense of 'i don't want my kid to dislike me, so i'm not really going to do much about this' coming from your responses. Good luck with that.

Dove - posted on 07/28/2014

11,681

0

1349

If you haven't set firm limits before now and you start at 14... yes, there will be rebellion. That's why it is best to START OUT w/ limits and then gradually increase the boundaries as age and maturity allow.

My kids do not have any electronic devices other than their phone (no pictures or internet on it) and mp3 players (just music). Before I got them the phone I laid down the limits of what I expected and why... and as they've aged I've loosened those limits as they've proven responsible... but I will not hesitate to reinforce those limits if they prove otherwise.

You don't JUST enforce limits... you explain your reasoning WHY you make those limits. Even if they don't agree w/ you... they learn what the whole purpose of certain rules are and as they mature they DO understand and appreciate it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2014

13,258

21

2015

Well, that's about normal, then. Kids don't always like their parents. Heck, parents don't always like their kids all the time either. Doesn't mean we don't love them, but we don't have to always like them ;-)

LTM - posted on 07/28/2014

39

0

0

Your daughter having sex is just one of the problems associated with a child sneaking out at night, Simona. There's lots of other dangerous activities that happen with teenagers who sneak out when their parents are sleeping. Do you want your daughter to be invited to sneak out when a bunch of kids manage to score some exciting new drugs? Have you seen the statistics of kids killed in car accidents when unlicensed (or newly licensed) teens take their dad's car for a spin late at night without permission? Do you think you'll cope well with the battles you might face in the years to come when she gets messages in the middle of the night? Or do you think it is better to just put the rule in place here and now that she gives up her phone to you in the night. Turn it off and hand it over.
I have been a mother for a very long time, Simona. My firstborn is now 35, and my youngest is only 13. Over the years I have watched what has happened with my kids' peers. Sadly some of them are already dead. I can say from experience that my kids have thanked me for my rules ... with the benefit of hindsight. They didn't like them at the time, but they are thankful now.
You need to keep your eye on the big picture. Good luck with your decision.

Dove - posted on 07/27/2014

11,681

0

1349

Texting at 3am is ridiculous. Since it is summer and she is 14 I would say that 10pm would be a good time to hand in the phone. Do not be afraid to set boundaries for your child in fear that she will rebel.

20 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Not playing the friend card at all, quite the contrary, she hates me right now, so I guess all is good...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2014

13,258

21

2015

Not judging a thing. Speaking from experience. In my experience, parents who ask for advice, and then proceed to shoot down all advice given have decided to play the 'friend' card with their kids.

Thats an observation, not a judgement. As I stated, it's out there for you to use, or not, your choice ;-) Just know that, if your choice IS to play the 'friend' card, you're not doing your kid any favours.

[deleted account]

Wow thanks for your advice and for judging me! If I am posting on this blog it's because I need advice and I obviously haven't made up my mind on anything!

[deleted account]

Don't you think that if I take away her phone, that if she wants to have sex with her boyfriend she won't find a way anyways? Actually if we're too strict, our kids will do the wrong things just to spite us. We have to talk to them and make them realize they are old enough to differentiate right from wrong, obviously there should be rules in the house, but where do you draw the line so that our kids don't feel like they want to run away? I don't want my daughter to move out of the house as soon as she turns 18 just so she could do whatever she wants? God it was so much easier when they were toddlers :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2014

13,258

21

2015

At the age of 14, there should be no electronics available to her after a certain time in the evening. Period.

Its not being mean, it's called parenting. Enforcing limits on your kid.

LTM - posted on 07/28/2014

39

0

0

When your daughter is 15 and her new boyfriend is texting her to sneak out and meet him in the middle of the night, I'll bet you'd be wishing you'd taken the phone from her when you had the chance. :)

Ev - posted on 07/27/2014

7,366

7

910

You are welcome. Its just frustrating to hear parents who seem to think they are too strict on their kids when it comes to technology and other related things. We are the parents not the kids. The kids do not know the world as us parents do and with that comes the task of having to be several steps ahead of them. Kids can learn to do amazing things and that includes how to get around those parental blocks on the devices which in itself is amazing but dangerous. All those social sites where people post things not everyone is being truthful and that 15 or 16 year old boy could actually be a 30 year old man. Do you want your daughter to get an idea in her head to meet some kid that may not be a kid she met in a social site like that. I would monitor her facebook friends too to make sure that the friends are actual people she knows not complete strangers. Also as I said in a previous post, kids now do not know how to socialize like they did even ten years ago. Phones, iPads, and computers are not the new socially acceptable way to meet people and its dangerous.

Ev - posted on 07/27/2014

7,366

7

910

Its not being so strict. It is called parenting. She is too young to have all that stuff in her room on her own. There is too many things online or via friends she can get into and get into more trouble than just you and dad bringing the rules and consequences into play. My son is 17 and he has no computer in his room on his own. Its not that I do not trust him but its because even still at this age there are still things he could go into that he is legally not old enough for. THere is absolutely nothing wrong with having her turn the phone, ipad, and computer in to you at a set time each night. Its not okay to just talk to her about it and let it go at that. You need to be proactive. YOu could give her some time alone on her tech stuff but you also need to check it to make sure she is doing what she says she is. If you keep allowing her to use her tech all the time then she is going to be more dependant on that for her social awareness than face to face with real people and also she needs rules to know how to use the technology wisely.

[deleted account]

It's not just the phone, it's the ipad, the computer, I should take everthing out of her room, giving her the message that I don't trust her? So that when she has a chance she will still do what she wants behind our backs? Isn't it better to tell her it's not ok to chat after a certain hour and trust that she respects our wishes hoping that she will talk to you when she needs to? I am afraid that being so strict will push her away and drive her to be daring.

Ev - posted on 07/27/2014

7,366

7

910

I agree with Gena. She should not have that phone after a certain time of the evening. As for texting an ex BF, well, kids go back and forth with that all the time.

[deleted account]

Thanks for your reply, thats what I think as well although my husband thinks we should trust her or else it induces her to be more secretive about things, in other words she could try to do more serious stuff behind our back if we are so strict.

Gena - posted on 07/27/2014

303

1

655

I wouldnt allow it. She should give the phone to you or in a box till the next morning.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms