the 17 yr old is planning to move out on her 18th, how do i convince her to stay home until she is done post secondary?
Neener - posted on 02/02/2009
Even though this is hard to hear (I have a 17 yr. old too! I know how scary it is!) -- You have to let her go. In this age, when too many of us are raising over-dependent children who can't function well in the real world without someone holding their hand - you might consider how lucky you are to have one who wants to go try being independent!
You can talk to her of course, and share your wishes and a list of good reasons to stay home a little longer, but remember to LISTEN to her too, and be willing to let her go be an adult with your FULL support. The last thing you want her to feel is that she is obligated to keep the apron strings attached because you need her too much.
The bottom line is, she'll go if she's determined to. You don't want her to go out there feeling like she can't come back with her tail between her legs if she needs to because she'd have to face "I told you so" from mama.
Man, I really feel for you, and truly understand.
I wish you both the best!!
Pati - posted on 02/02/2009
I started talking to my daughter when she was 16 and got a job about moving out and going to school and working and talking like it was a reality, Since seinor year started I let her get her self up and ready for school or work now by her self , I dont get up and make her tea or breakfast (well maybe on the weekends and I still bring it to her in bed) and I dont pack her lunch. I dont do her laundry because I need to know that she can handel it all on her own when she moves out. She has had a few days of going hungry at work or school cause she did not have enough time to get ready and eat and or bring food. She also hates the bank but I wont make her deposits so she has ran out of money a few times and I wont assist her on those occasions. Now she is waiting for college replys and does not want to leave, she is realizing all the perks of living at home and wants me to move with her if she get into a school out of state.
Darcy - posted on 02/02/2009
my daughther just turned 18 and also wants to move out, I told her she first has to finish High School or she doesn't get to keep her car. When June comes and she is done with high school I just hope that she will stay to save money. I also made the comment that if she didn;t move out this summer that she could aford to buy a newer car. Good Luck
Rachael - posted on 02/02/2009
I moved out at 17, right before I turned 18. The best you can do is let her go and give her as much guidance as you can. Believe me, anytime she needs help, you will be the first she calls. Once I moved out, I never went back. I learned to be responsible and independent and my mom always supported me in every adventure I took. Good luck :)
Lana - posted on 02/02/2009
Reverse psychology....tell her you thought about it and she is right. She should move out and wish her well. My dad did this to me when I was 18 and did the same thing. I was home in a few months. It was tough living on my own. I got myself in all kinds of financial troubles and I had to pay it all off too...my dad did not bail me out of the debt I created. He made me pay it myself since I chose to move out. Welcome to being an adult he said.
Karenia - posted on 02/02/2009
Perhaps allowing her some additional freedoms (ones that you can live with) like later curfew's and a few more responsibilities would help. You could also tell her that she can payrent, and you will put that money towards her buying a car, or home.
Amber - posted on 02/02/2009
I was just a few years ago that I was 18 & knew everything! The only advice I can give you is to support her and, like a previous mom said, help her when/if she falls. I moved out at 18, worked my butt off, was in school, & finally figured out it was NO fun having to pay all those bills by myself and never have time for fun. By 19 I was ready to move back home and save for the future. :) That's the way it usually goes.
Crystal - posted on 02/02/2009
Wasnt that too long ago i was 18 and pregnant and getting married and realizing now how hard it is would have changed my way of thinking had i known what would come in the future. So my guess is if they do have a job whatever extra expenses you pay for each month for them tell them to start paying thier share, let them see whats its like to have to pay for good car insurance gas cell phone. Mean dont do it in a way where they will have resentment towards you but rather ask them to also start paying rent along with it just to prepare them for what will lay ahead and if this still does not change thier mind in anything and they do help out with bills rent etc. the money they gave you could be saved up to help them when they want to leave not sure what else to but rather then let them know its not a piece of cake trying to be full grown on thier own.
Sara - posted on 02/02/2009
What we did with our son is, sit down and make a list of expenses, Deposits is a big one, housing, food, electric, gas, car, ins, clothes, cell phone, internet, cable, not to mention going out money. then have them do research on the list. have them call appartments for rates ect. then show them how to figure a budget on what they are bring in. Oh and they have to have a job and to get a job that pays enough for all this they will have to go to college. Then tell them to save that much money a month while still at home to show you that they can make it. No more freebies from you, give them a bill for supper. oh and remind them of laundry cost. Let's see how far they get. ;)
Jolene - posted on 02/02/2009
Ask how she is going to be able to afford cell phone bill, car insurance ect plus all other expenses for food, housing ect. If she still wants to, let her. Remind her then she can come home if it becomes to difficunt financially. She probably will!
Jackie - posted on 02/02/2009
Ah I remember being 17, and knowing it all. If she could only realize that "growing" up isn't as much fun as it sounds like. My suggestion is to let her go and be there to pick her up when/if she falls. I feel if you pressure her too much to stay, she is likely going to want to leave more...that is the nature of teenagers. Also remind her of how much money she could save up if she wasn't paying for all of the costs of living on her own. Good luck, I am going to dread when this happens to me. :)
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