The best time for a parent to start dating again, after a divorce. When is it?

Kathleen - posted on 04/08/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




This isn't my personal situation, but I have witnessed a handful of relationships between my mum's friends, fall through the cracks and completely dissintergrate. All the while, their young children watch on, hearts in tatters.
Then... Within a few months of (I've only ever seen) dad moving out, mum has a new beau coming over for dinner every night, and sleeping over in the same bed that mum shared with dad for their whole lives. Our neighbour, when I was growing up, was married to her husband, divorced him when the kids were about 5 & 2, had a few guys coming and going - in and out - of hers and the kids lives, marrying one of them, divorcing him under a year later, then back on to the string of guys... At one point she had moved on of the randoms in to her house, with his THREE kids, and told her then 14yr old daughter, she had to share her room with her new squeezes 11yr old. While the teen was at school, her mum swapped her double bed for bunk beds in her room. It was kaos!

Now, as a married parent myself, I realise the full capacity of how important it is for a child to feel loved and number ONE in both their parents lives, no matter what the circumstance. Some friends of ours have separated recently under some pretty shocking circumstances, all "infront" of the kids. Both parents had a partner each to go to, straight out of their shattered relationship. If you saw the kids today, you would see the agony and pain that have fallen into their little lives. So angry, so confused and don't know why.

That teenager of my old neighbour's that I mentioned before... She went on to fall pregnant when she was 17, still lives with her finally single mum, talks to her and treats her like a dirty old door mat, and leaves her baby with her mum to baby sit whenever she feels like "hitting the town"... I'm not saying at all, that this is the future for any kid that ends up in the middle of situations like this (please forgive me if it comes across this way), I'm only expressing what I have observed over the years as a child/teen and now as a married, mother of four. I don't think the swift presence of another partner for their recently divorced parent is a good beneficial thing for any child... Thoughts??

How soon is to soon, for divorced parents to start bringing home their dates to meet their kids?


Amy - posted on 04/08/2013




I'm in the process of going through a divorce right now. If I were to start dating I can't see myself bringing anyone around my kids any time soon. There are a couple of reasons for that, the primary one being they have a father who is very much involved in their lives. Two I don't feel it's necessary to involve my kids in my relationships especially casual ones. Honestly right now I don't see myself ever getting remarried so I can't say that my kids would ever meet anyone that I would date but this is very new to me and I'm sure my feelings over time will change.

But I don't think there is a right or wrong answer I think each individual is different.


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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/08/2013




Really, there is no set time. Every person is different. Try not to judge.

While I am not a fan of kids meeting parents new partners off the bat, it really is not my business to judge. All I know is if my husband and I divorce, I will not be introducing anyone new to my children until I know it is very serious. They don't need to be a part of that, become attached to someone, then have them leave. But once again, don't judge. Don't be holier than thow. You may have a new perspective of this situation because now you are a mother and married, just understand you don't have control over what others do. Just don't do what they have done if you don't like it.

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