The birds and the bees

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

1,431

1

298

My oldest child just turned 7 the end of December. I've been thinking about my husband and I having the sex talk with him, because I want him to learn things from us, and not the other kids on the bus. I just don't know how to approach the subject. I obviously don't want to go into great detail, because he is still very young, but I want him to have a general knowledge. I also want him to feel free to talk to us about anything he hears. Any suggestions are welcome, and if you know of any good web sites, please help. I'm totally lost on this, because my parents never talked to me about it.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kelly - posted on 02/09/2011

281

0

39

There are some good book sets out there. We have 3 boys and there are usually about 4-5 books in some sets I have used. Starting at age 4-5 all the way to high school and then it teaches how to treat women, be respectful and cherish them etc. More on relationships beyond the nuts and bolts. Even though we knew the stuff : ) It was nice to have a helper and it makes it easy to read through it with them and not miss anything. You can also speed ahead or slow down based on each child. We borrowed a friends and then my husband bought a different set but it is a Christian set so has a moral quality that we like in it.

Kelly - posted on 02/11/2011

281

0

39

Rachael...good post! "talks were between us and were not to be discussed with friends or at school because we explained to him that it was a parents responsibility to tell their kids" This is important and reminds me that my sister recently dealt with this and my 8 year old nephew on the bus. He has one kid telling telling him about all of the noises during sex!! Obviously he has been WAY overexposed but she asked me for help in how to deal with it. So a very good point : )

Rachel - posted on 02/11/2011

3

0

0

My son was 5-6 yrs old when I got pregnant with his sister. He was with during every appointment I had and after the second ultrasound photo he started to question "how his sister got in there". He'd always been the kid that was more interested in things that were slightly above his age range and was always a kid that asked serious questions. He was also not a kid you could just say "oh babies come from my belly" he wanted to know everything. So with him we were always open anyway but we took him to the book store and as we were browsing he actually found an artsy type book with a pic of a baby in the womb on the front and as he browsed through that with me I slowly explained to him how things happen. It was very nicely illustrated with real images and it had images of the beginning parts of conception. I just found that as long as we were open and didn't censor everything or try to keep him "innocent/sheltered" then it made him very confident to ask questions. But the biggest thing we always told him was that our talks were between us and were not to be discussed with friends or at school because we explained to him that it was a parents responsibility to tell their kids the information they wanted their kids to know, not his. We explained that some parents would be upset if they found out he was talking about something that's more of an adult type thing. He's been great with that. He's 9 now and because of our open talks like you're going to start we've been able to have some really great conversations and also were able to squash things kids told him that wasn't true. So I'd say bring it up to him and see if he's heard anything then maybe take a trip to the book store and see what you and him can find. Try and let him lead the conversation in the beginning and always tell him that if something is uncomfortable to talk about that its ok and then stop. Then try the subject that made them uncomfortable later and discuss why they may have felt that way. I'm glad so many parents on here are talking with their kids, and with things the way they are I think leaving the subject alone is not a good idea because they could get some seriously wrong info and teachers only discuss the textbook side of it and we all know there's so much more to it than that. Hope your talk goes well.

Laura - posted on 02/10/2011

781

26

152

Books are an excellent way to break the ice on this subject. As already mentioned, there are some good resources available that are age appropriate.

I would like to suggest another option: OWL (Our Whole Lives) classes. This is a national curriculum developed in partnership between two church denominations. Feel free to message me and I will gladly give you more information! My daughter has taken 2 seperate classes, at different times as she grew, and the material is quite thurough. Hope this helps and good luck!

[deleted account]

I bought the American Girl body book (The Care and Keeping Of You... for girls) at 7 and we read it together. They are 9 now and just starting those changes, but are already prepared. Mommy, on the other hand, is NOT ready for this.... lol!

15 Comments

View replies by

Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2011

1,431

1

298

Thank you so much for the info. I know I want to do it soon, because some of the kids on the bus that he is friends with are in 4th and 5th grade, so I know he has more than likely already heard things, and I definately don't want it to be like when I grew up. When I was little, that just wasn't something that was discussed. We were left to find things out in school in the sex ed classes, and from other kids. I never felt I could go to my parents about it, and looking back, they were probably more embarrassed about it than anything, and that is why they didn't have the talk with me, but as a kid, it seemed to me that it was just a conversation that wasn't allowed.

Rachel - posted on 02/11/2011

3

0

0

@ Kelly- yeah some of the older girls in the neighborhood (10-11) were talking about "toys" because one girl found her moms stash. They were speculating as to what they were used for and where they went and so on. My son came home with some pretty interesting questions that night. So it's just more of a thing to point out to me that kids do talk about Everything! I can only imagine what it would be like in his head if he had heard it and we hadn't already had some sort of line of communication going.

Louise - posted on 02/11/2011

5,429

69

2321

I have raised two sons who are now young men and I have never had to have the chat with them. We are a very open family and they have been able to ask any questions about anything over the dinner table. There are some books that touch on the subject but believe me sex is talked about in schools in class from about age 9. I really did not see the need to do this with my sons as well. Children age 7 find the whole topic embarassing and unplesant. The only time I approached the topic head on was to teach my sons how to use a condom correctly with a bannana but they were about 14 and it was a fun learning curve. I needed to know that they could protect themselves when the time came.

My feelings on this subject is leave well alone, let him be blissfully ignorant for a while longer.

JuLeah - posted on 02/10/2011

3,133

38

694

You are actually having 'the talk' with him at each conversation. When you teach him to wash his hands/brush his teeth, you are teaching him to take care of his body. When you teach him to share, be kind ... you are teaching him to show respeact for others ... you get what I am saying? "the talk" is not about sex, it is about sexuality. How to stand up for yourself. How to say 'No'. How to respect 'No' when you hear it. How to read unspoken signals. How to protect yourself (health wise) How to ask for what you want and need, how to listen to your own feelings, how to respect the feelings of others ....
So, you have already had 'the talk' many many times ... each day you are teaching him who/what men are and how they interact with the world.
As for sex, you have conversation with him about how his heart works, how his lungs work, muscles, bones .... age 7 is a bit young for how his penis works beyond urination ... though I am sure you have already talked with him somewhat about touching himself (alone in his room, in the bath, everyone does this, normal, all boys...) but penis used to make a baby talk can wait for a few years, in my opinion. 10 or 11, or when he starts to ask ....

[deleted account]

My mom started out talking about puberty and what that was going to be like. The actual sex part came later. I wasn't an idiot even at 7 I knew about it. I just thought it was gross.

I think that the "Your body is going to be changing soon" is a better way to start. It doesn't freak the child out as much. It also allows them to continue the conversation and ask more questions.

But I also feel that even the puberty talk should be left until at least 8, when you actually start to see those changes.

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2011

6

4

0

There is an older book that is out of print titled "How Babies are Made."

My mother read that to me, and I went online and got a copy. When my son is ready, I intend to read it to him. It starts with a flower, to a chicken, then a puppy, and eventually to people. It's simple, and straightforward. It does point out the reproductive organs, such as the penis and testicles, sperm, and eggs; the pictures are cut from construction paper, so it is easy to understand.

Here is a link to some examples of what is in the book, but I am not happy with the blogger's negative comments about the book. People make fun of this book, but it is meant to bring it to a child's level of understanding, which I think is wonderful.

http://paw-pawpatch.blogspot.com/2008/03...

You can also check out books from your local library. There is a book in print called "My Body is Private" about a little girl who is starting to grow up and realizes that she is not comfortable bouncing on her uncle's knee anymore. She explains what privacy is, and why her body is private. It is a good tool to use when letting your child know to be aware of and prevent sexual abuse (as is an issue with kids these days). It's also a good opening for discussion to let your child become aware that your discussion about sex is between you and him only, and not between other people at school, church, or public. Otherwise your child may tell other kids in his class about what he learned at home about sex, which should be the responsibility of their parents. I hope this helps.

Before you read these books to your son, look them over, and make sure it's something that you are willing to discuss in full with your child.

My personal opinion, if your child is asking, it's the right time to discuss it. Good for you for having the incentive to be prepared beforehand! :) Many parents are not, and end up giving excuses about a "special hug" between two people... which honestly I think is a crock. Kids are having sex younger and younger (some younger than 10), so pro-action is good action.

[deleted account]

Where Do Babies Come From? is a good, Christian based book for 6-8 year olds. I read it w/ my girls who were 8 at the time and after a couple of weeks of absorbing that information I got them 'Where Did I Come From?' which has a lot more 'graphic' detail to it.

IMO, books are a GREAT opener. ;)

Sneaky - posted on 02/09/2011

1,170

33

131

I accidentally got on this topic the other day with my four year old because we started talking about where babies come from! It's a nice gentle lead in because he can just ask all the questions he wants so you don't have to give him more information than he wants. Good luck.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms