Laura - posted on 11/05/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
My future step daughter is 5 and for 2 years my fiance has had primary custody of her. This is because the BM was involved in an abusive relationship and, despite my fiance asking her not to, was allowing her boyfriend to live with her and my future step daughter. The current custody agreement allows her to see her daughter every other weekend at her mother's house. The BM had broken up right before my fiance and I started dating, I convinced him to let the child see her mother more regularly during the week because she would cry for her mother etc. He was unhappy because the mother quickly got into a new relationship and was bringing their daughter around him. We spoke with the BM and she refused to stop, but since the daughter seemed to get along with the boyfriend, and he seemed harmless, we let the weekday visits continue.
Eventually, the mother and the boyfriend broke up. This was hard on the daughter as she felt very abandoned. The BM promised to not allow another man around until she was sure the relationship was serious. A few months ago she started dating a man, and introduced him to her daughter without our consent. He was spending the night with the daughter there, and we have reason to believe that he has moved in. After a few Google searches, I found that he had been arrested in 2008 for Harassment, and again this past February for assault on a female. He was later convicted of violating a restraining order and cyberstalking. My fiance immediately took away any extra rights that the BM had and we are in a battle with her family.
He does not want his child around someone with a violent past, especially because that is why he has full custody to begin with. She refuses to compromise because she says "he has changed" and she wont allow my fiance to "control her life." Her family has sent us harassing emails saying that we won't win in court. All we ask is for the BM not to have her boyfriend around her daughter.
This entire situation has been hard on me. Raising children was new to me and she is an active child, to say the least. What are some coping mechanisms that I can try out since we will have her 24/30 days a month. She has grown accustomed to constant attention and tends to not be a great listener when we tell her "no." She and I do get along, and her father is very understanding that I do need alone time. I am also concerned about how she will react emotionally to less time with her mother, and how to speak with her about the situation. Any ideas?