The constant drama of being a step-mom-from thank you's to I'm sorry's to Police.

Melissa - posted on 01/30/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am a step mom to four beautiful children. I have been with them since they had just turned 3 and the other was 4. The first is a girl, the 2nd, 3rd and 4th are triplets Girl-boy-girl.

I have been through the ringer with their mother, claims on my mental health, claims on giving them alcohol, having the police called on me for stopping at her house to get tennis shoes. You name it, I've been through it and it's only year five.

We have been married four years, together a little over 5 years and until recently I fought back. Not anymore. NO CONTACT unless it's monitored by an attorney or through the Family Wizard we set up last April with the help of my husband. Not only did we do this to resolve conflict but the order stipulates each day and Holiday and it was to the point that everything was an issue, unless it was to her benefit. So we are just sticking straight to the guidelines the court and the attorneys set and we have a 46-54 split with her. It of course didn't stop child support but we expected that to go in her favor because she claimed the "quality of life for them would change too much."

I have had about a month of peace now after having the police called on me for picking up tennis shoes from their mom for the kids so they could attend a basketball game, for a game that my own daughter was playing in. I had seven girls at my house that Sunday for my own daughters birthday party. One being an officer's daughter. We got a call from the sheriff saying they had called (her new husband) and wanted charges pressed against me for trespassing. That may seem odd for stopping to get shoes, but I did stop another time as well. We had been moving and in the top of the cabinets of my husbands house were old antiques dishes. Since they lived their together and I have similar things from my grandparents I assumed they were hers and sent a nice text with a picture of them all asking if they were hers. She said yes and I made a point of bringing them to town with me to give to her. I text her asking her to pick them up at my work by 3 p.m since I had to leave to pick up their youngest daughter and get her to piano lessons. She replied she was working til' 3:30. So, long story short the daughter and I ran by her moms to see if she was home yet after school to drop them off. She wasn't so the daughter opened the door I slid the box in and we left. And their was that other time I stopped after getting all the kids ready for trick or treating so their mom could see them in person and they could trick or treat moms house since she sent a text asking for a picture of them. And the time that we had a family function at the activity center and the kids needed their tennis shoes, so we stopped by moms work and the oldest ran in. Mom gave her the key, the oldest ran in got the shoes left the key and we went to our family function.
That about sums it up. I've never gone in their home, never even get out of the car to pick them up. It's her bubble, her space, I respect that.
It hit me hard and I won't ever forgive her or her new husband for making me out to be such a monster to the kids, their family, their friends. For pretending somehow that me being me and loving and caring for four children that are not mine is offensive instead of appreciated. For the times her friends have screamed words through email about how they already have a mom and I need to stop pretending I am their mom.
About her contacting my ex-husband or filling my brother full of lies about me and how she asking him out of concern! "do you ever think she would hurt me or my children."
Demanding a mental evaluation during a home study. Privately calling my husband telling him he knows what the problem is, I want control. How well they got along before me.

It's so emotionally ugly and I'm so over drama. I choose to be happy, I choose a life of happiness and memories that a good and building my family and I choose to not live life like that any longer. Her fight is within her. When she sees that only then will this situation change. I always say she is very lucky to have me in their lives. Very lucky I know how to as an adult separate my resentment for her from my beautiful, smart and funny step-children.
I'm not perfect, I have made mistakes in responding to behavior I hated or that made me uncomfortable. But, until now I never realized I don't have to fight for control of our home, our rules, our children, our life. That's what she has been fighting for, in both homes. Her struggle is not having it.


Raye - posted on 01/30/2015




Her drama is not your circus. Try to stay out of it as much as you can. As Step-moms we open our hearts and homes to children not of our blood and love them like our own. Yet, if we show too much affection we're chastised as trying to replace their real mother, and if we're too distant we're condemned as being the wicked stepmother and mistreating the kids. Step parents are put into a very precarious position, and the best we can do is try to maintain some dignity about the whole thing.

Keep trying to take the high-road. You're doing the right thing!

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