the decision to start our family

Katie - posted on 08/11/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm not actually a mom yet, but my husband and I have started seriously discussing trying to conceive. I'm just looking for advice and feedback, considering we've only been married a few months, and I feel like we keep getting told we need to wait.

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Tanya - posted on 08/11/2014

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Oh man! Wait!!!

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and married 2 years. We lived together for 2 years before marriage. We were (and are) madly in love.

However, I got pregnant within the first year of marriage. This was a big mistake. We wanted children but it brought ssssssssssssoooooooooooooo much stress the word divorce was thrown around so many times and it seriously almost took place. My daughter is 15 months and we finally got the hang of it, but we decided she's our first and last....

Thank god my husband and I were strong enough as a couple to get through this.

I say make sure your relationship is completely secure and solid before the baby. Having a baby is a beautiful event and you should both be able to enjoy this as a family. Even when this is established believe me a baby is a lot of work and dedication.

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Dove - posted on 08/11/2014

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Technically my entire relationship never should have happened. We are way too different. So... yeah, having kids probably just added to stresses that would have dissolved the marriage anyway.

If you are both ready... there really isn't anything 'wrong' w/ not waiting. It's your lives. ;)

Katie - posted on 08/11/2014

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There's a very small part of me that does want to wait, and enjoy our time together, and it was easier to accept the idea of waiting when I thought he wasn't ready. Now that he is going baby crazy too, it feels so close and within reach, it's hard to think of anything else. I try to keep myself busy and distracted, but it's like i have a one track mind. My sister-in-law has 3 kids under 3, so I used to just spend time with them when I started getting antsy and baby crazy, but now even hours with them doesn't satisfy my need to hold my own baby in my arms. Do you feel having children so early in your marriage was a large contributing factor to it's demise? Or would it have gone sour either way, and children just added extra conflict?

Dove - posted on 08/11/2014

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My ex and I conceived after about 7-8 months of marriage. Notice the 'ex' in my first sentence. lol

There is more involved in the decision than just how long you've been married... like how long did you date before marriage and how long/well did you know each other before dating?

If you want 'my' advice... I would suggest waiting until you've been married a year or two. I do not regret one second of my children or their lives and I have a feeling if you got pregnant right now you would not either... but generally speaking it IS better to wait and really get to know each other as husband and wife before bringing a child into the mix.

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