the dreaded "sex talk"

[deleted account] ( 89 moms have responded )

I have 2 boys. ages 7 and 11. when is the best age to have "the talk"? is 11 too young still? its a subject i dont even want to touch. but i know i have to. i have very bad feelings towards sex. because i grew up being sexually abused. i am probably going to leave it up to my husband to do the talking. but he says 11 it still too young. but i am sure my son has probably been taught all kinds of stuff from kids at school.

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Sandi - posted on 10/21/2009

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Hi, your children are at a milestone point; they are bombarded by extrinsic information, normal growth and development, and other young persons...they all ask and at least wonder similiar things and the last thing that you want to do is to be the last provider of information. I never liked these years, but they come along with all the other responsibilites. pick your time and opportunity; you know your children best, but don't let them learn off the streets. As their mother, you'll do the right thing, sandi

[deleted account]

Well, Dr. Phil had a show about pre teen and young teen sex trends that you might find interesting. The base of the show was a book titled "Oral is the new goodnight kiss". You might just hop into his web page and take a look. If I remember correctly it aired sometime last week. Good luck!

Kate CP - posted on 10/08/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

Hello, I have three children 16, 15, 9 and with having two teenagers myself I have an open conversations with all three and even have other teenagers come and talk to me because they can not go to there parents and talk about sex and that is wrong you need to be there for them and guide them in the right way as alot of parents find it disgusting and or to young...Parents need to wake up and relize that they are doing it at a younger age now and if they dont talk about it then they are the ones that will do the wrong thing and end up being young parents themself or even all the deases that you can get...It is not that I give permission to mine but they know they can talk about it anytime and not be embarresed about it, it is a part of life. I also keep a box of condoms in my bathroom on the main floor and all the teenagers know that they are there...I would rather them have protection then go down that wrong road ....My husband and I have three words that describe our family and how we deal with teenagers...Love, Trust, and Communication and don't loose any of those three things with your children or teenagers.I know I do have alot of teenagers come to me and talk and ask advice ...please be honest with your children and 11 is not too younge....Good luck and always keep an open mind! Never judge them!


I find that AWESOME! More parents should be this open and honest with their kids! Abstinence only education just doesn't work. More power to ya, mom! :)

Michelle - posted on 10/08/2009

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Hello, I have three children 16, 15, 9 and with having two teenagers myself I have an open conversations with all three and even have other teenagers come and talk to me because they can not go to there parents and talk about sex and that is wrong you need to be there for them and guide them in the right way as alot of parents find it disgusting and or to young...Parents need to wake up and relize that they are doing it at a younger age now and if they dont talk about it then they are the ones that will do the wrong thing and end up being young parents themself or even all the deases that you can get...It is not that I give permission to mine but they know they can talk about it anytime and not be embarresed about it, it is a part of life. I also keep a box of condoms in my bathroom on the main floor and all the teenagers know that they are there...I would rather them have protection then go down that wrong road ....My husband and I have three words that describe our family and how we deal with teenagers...Love, Trust, and Communication and don't loose any of those three things with your children or teenagers.I know I do have alot of teenagers come to me and talk and ask advice ...please be honest with your children and 11 is not too younge....Good luck and always keep an open mind! Never judge them!

Debra - posted on 10/08/2009

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No disrespect to men but they suck at getting the point across and do we want them telling our sons what we want them to know about sex? I really think you need to put your fears to rest by talking to him then you wont need to run to mute the TV... men do not have the same sensitivity as we do and what is important to us is not to them (men)... if you talk to your son then all of this is no longer an issue, it's taken care of, it's off the table, so to speak, no longer an issue, and as your 7 year old gets older the then the oldest is going to be passing on the "wisdom" he has learned from you. Better to learn what is right and wrong and what was taught from you and not what has been learned elsewhere... I would not leave it up to your husband. Boys dont want to talk to their fathers about this stuff...they really dont want to talk to us either but we NEED to do it... cuz you know a man is going to mess it up... no, I am not a man hater...but really think about it, when we want something done right we do it ourselves, right? Just think about it... let me know what you think, and if this helps... Deb

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Laura - posted on 06/04/2012

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yes most certainly he has by now, this BOGUS INFO from other school kids ,and .at 11 he will soon be in hiding..and as all boys do , masturbating and usually ,in fear, and shame ,and guilt...,,,,

,........we all have been given nerves and good feelings...very normal and natural,,,he needs support NOW ,and understanding,and kindness ..to survive the teaching of society that the body,and its feelings are horrible ,nasty,and shameful.....

......so, do not condemn the nude body being so ,,as ANXIETY will ensue and saddle the poor child with SHAME and GUILT for life.....

.......we have all been programmed that the body,erections,masturbation, and sex is very very bad and gross...let you son know different,tell him the truth......that the body is beautiful,and that the feelings are normal and natural....

....This...is Laura Mornings, Naturopath ,and child counsellor,,,,,and Administrator of Nature Moms.community,,,all are free to join

Leah - posted on 10/22/2009

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I'd just calmly broach the subject by asking if there's anything he wants to know about sex and how the whole 'having babies' thing works. If he shrugs you off, wait a while. If not, be honest and tell him as much as he wants to know. I know it's hard, but try not to let your feelings about sex cloud what you tell him - he doesn't need sexual baggage before he even goes down that path himself! My son is 8 & my daughter is 6 - I'm thinking about having the talk with my boy soon, if he's interested. If he isn't, that's fine too. My daughter will probably want to know before she's 8 - she asks far more questions than he does, and that's fine too. She thought it was completely ridiculous when she asked where her and sam came out of my "tummy", and I told her my vagina. She didn't believe me, but at least she knows she can ask me anything without feeling dumb.

Jackie - posted on 10/22/2009

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I dont think 11 is to young at all kids now a days are learning of sex very early. Id talk with your kids before someone else does. Id rather them here it from my mouth then a stranger. They do sex ed in school at 4th 5th grade I believe. Im so sorry you had issues that you had but honestly you cant let that show with your kids b/c it could damage them also.

Becky - posted on 10/21/2009

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well kids these days learn ALOT from others at school. having 4 kids 19, 15, 10, and 6 we have had the sex talk alot!! it is a touchy subject but these days kids are doing it in middle school so my personal opinion is when the start asking its time!! good luck with this!!

Linda - posted on 10/20/2009

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It is never to early to give the dreaded sex talk.Just remember to only answer what they ask.To much information too soon can cause confusion.When they are ready they will ask you questions.When they,re ready for more information they will come to you.Be honest and in a term they will understand.You would not believe what goes on in those little heads.The funniest question I was asked if they were bones in boobs.I dug out the anatomy book and gave him the answer he was looking for.Then later I laughed .The worse question was how gay people did IT! I won't lie that was a hard one.Yes I answered his question.Each child is developing at their own pase answer only what they need to know.Good Luck!

[deleted account]

hi tiffany i would take the lead from the children , when they start asking questions, i am a mum of 4 ages from 27 and youngest is 16, there is a childrens book by a company called osbourne it has everything in it from puberty to sex, i found this book very helpful and ot also gave me the way to introduce the topic as i was never told i found out by myself, so i never knew how to even approach the subject,,, hope this helps u xxxxx good luck

Christina - posted on 10/19/2009

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Dear Tiffany, in response to your post 11 is not too early. Now a days our children are facing so much at school, and 11 year olds are having babies. You have to arm your children with facts and your morals and beliefs, or they will hear another version on the playground at school. I began talking with my kids about where they came from and truths about sex and consequences when they were real young. I wanted them to be able to talk to me about their questions, not just their friends. They may not have always been comfortable talking about it with me, but I did not want to be a young grandma or have my kids have some disease they would have to deal with. Think about it and do what works for you. Just know, they are hearing about it at school. Earlier then you think.

Crystal - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Tiffany:

Thank You!! that is awesome advice. by 11, im sure my son may be having some changes. but i dont know how to ask if he has any questions. i really wish this wasnt such a hard subject for me. i hate when all the viagra commercials come on tv too!! thats kind of off subject. but it just makes me really uncomfortable because i know they are wondering what that med. is for. being boys and all. i usually mute it! and cross my fingers that they dont ask. because i have no idea how to answer that!!


HONESTY IS THE BEST!!!

Crystal - posted on 10/14/2009

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I believe 11 is not to young to talk to you'r child about sex, my son is 13 and we had the talk when he was 11 and I just came out and told him everything because it's better it comes from you than kids at school. My son comes home and tells me what the kids say at school and I'm in shock what they say, so I feel it's better to come from you. Be close with you'r children and talk to them about everything drugs, alchol, sex don't be the parent that just feels they will figure it out. Be safe and opened with them, they will thank you later. Kids are having sex at 12 and 13 so we have got to be involved. Good luck I know you can do this, it's easy!!!

Giovanna - posted on 10/14/2009

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Sorry to hear about your abuse, but you have made it you have come out a wise and smarter woman. You should start talking to him now not all at once but slowly telling your 11 year old what is what. The sooner they know the safer they are. The sooner he knows about the does and don't s in sex the wiser he will be. I myself did not have a father that would talk to my son, we got divorced when he was only 2 so it was up to me to do the job. Fathers don't think that kids grow up and need to know sustain things we always remain their baby's. But before you give him the sex talk maybe you should find out what he knows and what his friends at school are telling him, you can then tell him the truth of what goes on, or like in most cases explain in details what his friends have told him. I do think that 11 years old is the right time to tell him.

Giovanna - posted on 10/13/2009

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Don't panic, it is school talk. Wait for him to come back home and ask him what they told the kids, after you have listened to him and what he learned you can then decide if you need to add to this or if there is something that you can explain in a better way. And if this school has these 3 girls pregnant at such an early age then you should also take into consideration that just maybe he knows a bit more then you think. One thing us parents should remember is that kids talk and some of them add a bit of spice to the hole story. Be as honest as you can be and don't feel embarrassed, always tell your kids that if they are not sure about what they are being told they should be able to come to you no matter how big or small they think the problem is.

[deleted account]

My son is 11 and I just had to sign a permission slip for him to have this talk at school. I am very conflicted also because I am not sure if he is ready. I know that I have to have this talk with him before he has it at school and he wants no part of it and even asked me not to sign the paper. With all of his friends attending the class I have to send him also because I would rather he learn from me and his father and this class rather than second hand from his friends. I have heard there are 3 girls in our school system that are pregnant and in middle school. These girls have to be no older than 13 or 14 and I find that quite shocking.

Kathy - posted on 10/13/2009

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We are all sexual being from birth. Now someone is going to take that sentence the wrong way, I'm sure. But as kids learn to talk they should know the correct names for all body parts and not the baby words. If you are speaking of all body parts the same--even the private parts, then it is easier to get into the sex talk. As each age arrives the child should know what he/she can understand so you should be talking all along on all subjects including appropriate and inappropriate touch. If you feel it is something dirty and you become uncomfortable, you children will sense that and feel it is an uncomfortable subject. If your child met an abuser like so did you would want him to feel comfortable enough to tell you using the correct language. It's also a matter of security. At 11 your oldest is starting middle school. Kids have been talking before age 11 so wouldn't you rather he have the right information from you rather than what he'll get (or is getting) from his friends?

[deleted account]

My cousin started asking questions at 3 and her mom told her the truth. My cousin's response was, "Were you asleep when daddy did this?" My 5 year old has asked questions. Such as if I grew in your tummy, how did I get out? I asked him what HE thought, and he thought he came out of a "hole." I told him that was right, but didn't go into detail. His response was, "Well, I hope it was big enough because I have a big head!" I never had a talk with my mom. I learned everything through school and friends. I don't lie to my kids and answer the best way I know how, but at 11 they should know. I was in the 6th grade when I learned about Aunt Flow, etc. You know your kids, answer the best way you can, and if you need advice, ask mom or your husband to help. It's ok to ask for help, especially when you've been where you have, as have I. Good luck. You'll be fine.

Shona - posted on 10/13/2009

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being open and honest is the best policy.... however age appropriateness is important, i have 2 son's age 12 & 10 and they know more than i expected them to but they didn't know the facts, sex is for reproduction, that condoms are for STD's and protection against pregnancy etc etc all they knew were the funny or gross stuff that kids had told em at school, so we sat down and talked about everything, we also sat down with a medical book and looked up STD's and let me tell you even i was shocked at some of the diseases that are out there but it was a great experience to read and learn together, they now know that sex is done for a purpose and if you are not doing it for the reproduction purpose then you need wear a whole pack of condoms.....LOL nahh just kidding!! my boys are very open and honest with me and their dad and i think it is because we have been very open and honest with them.. my 12 yr old is going through puberty at the moment and he has no qualms telling me if he's sprouted more hairs, or is his doodle has grown more and i am so glad that they feel so comfortable in themselves and with me to be like this......

Shireen - posted on 10/13/2009

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Hi Tiffany i have a daughter of 9 years of age and i had a talk with her about her menstuation already. You know what kids know these things all they want is to hear it from their parents. Better you speaking to them than someone else.

Giovanna - posted on 10/12/2009

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Well half of it is true, maybe you should sit with her and try to understand what was really said to her by her friend, and then you take it from there. You telling her the truth is better then her getting wrong advice from school friends. I remember when I was about 8 we had a girl in class that overheard her mum and friend about having an abortion, she came to school and told us that it was very easy to get rid of unwanted pregnancy (all you had to do was take Pan ado after having sex) and you would not have the baby. I went home and told my mother, who was pregnant at the time and told her this story, she almost had a heart attack. I remember her taking me to the room and explaining everything to me. I was so proud that the next day I told all my friends what I had learn t from my mum. This same girl has now 5 kids with different fathers ( I guess the Pan ado did not work). It is things like this that us mothers try to avoid, and our children are suppose to know us as friends they should know that no matter what it is they can always come and ask us. My son 16 and my stepdaughter always come and ask me and tell me things. I am not only the mother but somebody they can trust and a friend.

Monique - posted on 10/12/2009

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i have a concern my 8 yr old daughter came home asking where do babies come from her friends in school told her when your mom and dad love each other when they lie down together a baby comes so what do u do in a situation like that u don't want your child going around with the wrong concept but what do u tell her isn't she 2 young to b told the truth and how far do u go with the topic

Diandra - posted on 10/12/2009

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Kids these days talk about everything in school and sex being the biggest topic. To me 11 is not to young because its something he is learning but dont really fully understand. Still wait to see if he ask you can questions about having sex..

Deborah - posted on 10/12/2009

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11 is NOT TOO YOUNG. Are you kidding??? I am a teacher and I can tell you 11 not to have had the talk. You are looking for trouble if you don't get in there and start talking NOW. The 7 year old as well. There is a great series of Christian books that are age appropriate for boys. They can read them on their own, you have talks about them, and they move on to the next one when they get to that age.

Tiffani - posted on 10/12/2009

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I have 3 daughters. 18, 7 and 5. I started around 3 talking about body parts then moved with theirs ages. I remember a person saying to me... I can teach them about sex or someone else can. I understand your concerns first hand also. I think it was because of my situations that I want my kids to know. Keep it with their ages and let them know that no question is off limits. They need to trust and rely on us.

Maxine - posted on 10/12/2009

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It is never to early to talk to your children about sex, just make sure the "talk" is age appropriate. It's important to talk to your children because the kids at school might be offering the wrong information about. Sit him down & talk to him, he will ask you questions that he needs to & you tell him the truth "age appropriate". Don't offer too much info about sex...but ask him what does he know about it. Wish u da best:-)

Charity - posted on 10/12/2009

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My step-son came to me when he was 5!!!! I thought, he is so young! But to him, he just needed to know if what he was hearing at school was right or wrong. We talked about the difference in girl and boy parts. About a year later, he came to me with more questions. About a year after that, and a year after that. He is 10 now, will be 11 in January and he pretty much knows everything an adult would know without actually "doing it." I'm not saying that 5 was a good age or that it was the BEST thing to do, but I never wanted him to lose trust and faith in me. He knows if he wants the truth to come ask me and I will tell him in the best way possible. Friends share a lot of LIES, so it is so important for the parent to share the TRUTH. If your son hasn't asked you or your husband any questions, he may not be ready or he may feel like you would make him ashamed to ask. You might just sit down with him and explain that you are here for him if he needs anything, if he has any questions, or if he is confused about anything.

Pamela - posted on 10/12/2009

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My approach with my son, who is now 13, has always been to respond with age- appropriate honesty. When he was 5 and asked questions, the answers were based more on the "biology" of it all. As he got older and asked similar questions, I continued to answer with as much honesty as he could handle. If your kids feel they cannot come to you and get an honest answer, they may stop coming to you at all. You want them to be able to come to you. A word to your husband, 11 is not too young. By now, he's heard and possibly seen more than you realize (...don't be surprised if his friends are the source).

Giovanna - posted on 10/12/2009

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It all depends on how mature you think your son is ( the 11 year old) and what friends he plays with. Sometimes I believe it is better children learn these things from their parents and not from friends, as we all know that not everything our friends tell us is true, and also that time in our lives to hide things from our children is long gone, with the AIDS and all it is best for them to know. My son is now 16 and I had to sit and tell him all about the birds and the bees at the age of 12, I have now had to do the same with my step daughter she is also 12 as the mother did not have the time to do so.
The worst part of this hole story is that we can't tell our children half the story if we want them to know the truth, because what we don't tell them the friends and the TV will tell them and most of the time it is wrong.

I hope this helps you.

Alice - posted on 10/12/2009

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I told my oldest son EVERYTHING when he was 10. We talked about hair, rape, love, intercourse, oral, STD's. I know it' sounds over whelming but it doesn't have to be all in one sitting. Be honest. That's important. I started telling my kids about sexual abuse from a very younge age. I think 3-4. I talked to them about not letting anyone touch them not even close family and friends, not even me! (not that I would hurt them) I wanted them to know that their body belongs to them and that no matter what happens I will listen and be here to protect them. You in the end have to speak to them even if it's uncomfortable. Your husband will need to speak to them too. Don't force it but as you talk to them you will be able to gauge how much or how little should share at a time. My oldest has made the choice on his own for now that he wants to wait till he's married to have sex. I didn't push that on him. I personally don't think he has to do that but I leave it up to him to decide. It's his body and I support him. If he ends up doing it before hand, I know he will be safe and make the right choice. I also know that he will not be that guy that is preasuring girls to do something they don't want to do.

Giovanna - posted on 10/12/2009

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Quoting Tiffany:

the dreaded "sex talk"

I have 2 boys. ages 7 and 11. when is the best age to have "the talk"? is 11 too young still? its a subject i dont even want to touch. but i know i have to. i have very bad feelings towards sex. because i grew up being sexually abused. i am probably going to leave it up to my husband to do the talking. but he says 11 it still too young. but i am sure my son has probably been taught all kinds of stuff from kids at school.


 

Giovanna - posted on 10/12/2009

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Quoting Tiffany:

the dreaded "sex talk"

I have 2 boys. ages 7 and 11. when is the best age to have "the talk"? is 11 too young still? its a subject i dont even want to touch. but i know i have to. i have very bad feelings towards sex. because i grew up being sexually abused. i am probably going to leave it up to my husband to do the talking. but he says 11 it still too young. but i am sure my son has probably been taught all kinds of stuff from kids at school.


 

[deleted account]

Okay - this is my first post here & I really don't know what I'm doing. At any rate, "the talk" can come at any time, you just have to judge what they are ready to hear. I had to start explaining things to my 2 boys when they were 4 because one of their pre-school teacher's was pregnant and they started asking questions about how the baby got there. If they are asking questions, just explain as much as you can without being too graphic. As they get older you can fill in the holes. It's always better that they hear the truth from you rather than some fanatasy from their friends at school

Robyn - posted on 10/12/2009

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Hi, I have an 11yr old daughter, and she is starting to mature. I found a great book here in Australia.( From Bookworld). It's called secret girls business and there is one for boys. We read it together and then i let her read it in her own time. As the book does not go into graffic detail. And the good thing is she does come and talk and asks the questions. It is tough. also i had books bought for me and was handed them - no sit down chat it was read these and if you have any questions then ask. so i didn't ask. I hope this might help you. Even if only a little bit.

Lesley - posted on 10/11/2009

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I think I was as young as 7 when my mom told my sister (then 6) and I about the very basics of sex. She explained that when a man and woman love each other very much sexual intercourse is a way of expressing their love. I asked if she and Dad did it and she said "sure we do". Then she explained very simply how it works and that that is also how babies begin to grow in their mommies tummy. We didn't have many questions, but later when I started hearing all the different things from kids at school- I felt I knew the real story from my Mom.

Sherry - posted on 10/11/2009

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to be honest with you 11 is a fairly good age to have this conversation with your child although you might not like the idea but to be honest when i was 11 years old we were taught sex education around that age so it is best to prepare him for what is out there these days. since teen pregnancy is at an all time high. the more he knows the better his chances are he will be wiser in his choices will be when the time arises when he is actually in the situation. that is all!

Linda - posted on 10/11/2009

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I have 2 girls, 11 and 8, and both have vastly different maturity levels. The elder started asking questions at 6, but the younger one has no interest whatsoever till now! *haha*



I did have a brief discussion with the elder one when she was 6, and countless conversations over the next few years on this 'touchy' subject. We also read two wonderful books by Lynda Madaras titled "Ready, Set Grow" and "What's Happening to My Body?" - both books have individual versions for both boys and girls, and are very informative, which may make it easier for the 'shy' parent. I highly recommend it for all parents!!



I'm located in Singapore, and while we are a multi-racial country, most Asian parents are relatively conservative. Nevertheless, it really comes down to a child's maturity level, and how close they are to you - the closer your bond, the easier it is for them to talk to you about it freely without feeling guilty. It's important to educate them, for example, on the differences of a 'good touch' and 'bad touch' - so that they know what's acceptable, and what's not, and do let them know that it is alright to talk to you about it.



As parents, we will never be able to shake the feeling that by providing them with information, we appear to approve of them experimenting. The key is to always keep the communication lines open and be as unjudgemental as possible (that's really tough, I can tell you!).

Racquel - posted on 10/11/2009

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My son is 11 also. He has been in puberty for well over a year now. We have not had "the talk" yet either. I would say we will before he enters middle school next year. I too was sexually abused, but I feel I would do well talking with him. Let him know the difference between age appropriate and not age appropriate stuff. He already has asked a question here and there. I just answer them honestly and tell him not to say anything to his friends; that their parents will talk to them when they want them to know about things. Hope that helps :)

Pauletta - posted on 10/11/2009

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As a mom of 2 boys, 5 and 12, I completely understand. I don't think 11 is too young to start the talk of sex. I believe that it all depends on how mature that they are. My 12 year old is not ready for that talk either but I have given him little comments here and there. This past summer I overheard him say to his friend that "it's just sex". I ran into the room and found out he was talking of a couple that was kissing. I was raped in high school and I had a hard time with that for a very long time. Since then I have talked to a number of young family members about it and about the responsibility of being active. I have had to decide how much I want my boys to know. I would rather that they learn about the good and bad side without the pressure of others. I also want them to know that I understand the need to have sex but I want them to know that it is mutual and that it is something I would like to see them wait for. But I completely understand when sometimes you just dont want to. I have modified the talk that I have had with my oldest because he is just not ready. He is not into the "have a girlfriend" scene. I see that he notices them but he does not seem to put forth any effort in obtaining one. For a long time, the mention of him receiving a kiss was taboo. LOL! He is definately going to be a late bloomer. Thankfully!!

[deleted account]

After raising 6 children I found the book "Where did I come from" a blessing. I actually started reading it to the children when they were very young, to help them understand the arrival of the new brother or sister. The younger the better I feel because you don't have to have the talk as it is normal and comfortable for them. by 11 your son will be hearing all sorts of stories from his mates. This book explains everything in an easy to understand child and parent friendly way. The children can then ask questions. I know with your background it will be hard but you must reply as easily as if they were asking "Why does the sun ony shine during day". This will lead them to be well informed and comfortable about sex. You can then get your husband to extend the respect caring aspect of the relationships. Roz

Wendy - posted on 10/11/2009

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It definitely depends on your childs maturity level and their circle of influence. If they are in public school, let them know where you stand before they get into middle school. If you don't talk to them, their peers will! My husband and I have this talk with our kids together. We take them out to dinner, discuss our expectations and beliefs, answer questions, and pray together. (We do it at age 12) Our kids have responded really well to this, but it helps to have an open dialouge about issues and not bring it up out of the blue. Good luck!

Erica - posted on 10/11/2009

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My son was 7 when a neighbor kid told him about sex. My son asked me if you had to do sex to get a baby. So we had the sex talk. I of course had to ask what he was told so I knew how much to tell him but I kept it very neutral and he knows he can come ask me any questions he may have.I told him sex was something you did when you were grown up with someone you loved. He has knows what all the parts are called so when it came right down to it I said to him "You know when you wake up and your penis is hard?" he said "Yeah" I told him that was called an erection and when he went through puberty he would have those a lot. I then told him sex was when you put an erection into a vagina. That really grossed him out but he knows what it is. A little while later he says "Mom you and Papi did sex two times because me and my brother!" He was rather appalled. My best friend took a human sexuality class and in the class they were told if your kids have not asked about sex by time they are 8 years old they have already heard all about it from other sources. My older son's psychologist concurred. So just have you or your husband have the talk in a calm almost clinical way. They are not too young to know.

User - posted on 10/11/2009

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I have a 10 yr old boy and a 12 yr old girl, yes we have had the sex talk. BUT.. I only told them what they needed to know on there level...Don't want to put too much in there heads at once, but being aware is the safest way to go for sure. When I was 12 I was still playing with barbies , give most 12 yr olds a barbie now and they want to tatoo it pierce it.. lol

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Eleven is definitely not too young to learn about sex. Sex is a natural part of life between two consenting adults although some people misuse it in order to harm others. Your boys need to know the facts of life to protect them and to foster a healthy attitude towards it. It is better for these facts to come from the parents rather than from their peers who will believe all kinds of nonsense.

Gloria - posted on 10/11/2009

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Hi, Tiffany. I have a 10 year old girl and an 8 year old boy. My daughter started asking questions about sex last year and up to that point she had her own ideas--she'a an avid Animal Planet watcher, so she understood breeding but wasn't quite sure about humans :) I haven't sat her down for a serious talk, but have answered any questions as they come up and try to be very matter of fact about it. I think my next step is going to be discussing the moral and emotional aspects of sex, but right now she just thinks it's gross, so i know she isn't ready for that. My son has been very open about noticeing that his sister has "arm pit hair" and vagina hair", so I'm sure it won't be long before he has questions of his own. My point is, and I know this doesn't take into account your horrible experience as a child, try not to make it a dreaded experience. It's a moment with your children when you get to share how they were made and how much you wanted them and that they came from a very loving act--that's more the emotional part, but the physical part can be very brief and when they come back with questions, answer them in the same way. It doesn't have to be all at once. I hope it helps.

Kim - posted on 10/11/2009

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Hi just the issue of when to talk about sex to your children by 12 is what i did because in grade 7 my 2 boys had sex education.And i wanted to tell them my view on the subject with the responsilbility,special time and personal feelings not just go out sow your wild oats son like some men think this is when you distill in your sons that a woman is special not a object.

Tamra - posted on 10/10/2009

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Please talk to him soon. We have a 13 year old girl in the school that I teach at that is pregnant, with her 12 year old boyfriend. Had parents on either side spoken to the kids this awful predicament may not have happened. Sadly, we think the girl had been previously active with a much older boy. I wish all parents would talk with their kids as soon as they show any curiosity. Some straight forward, age appropriate answers would do wonders. Simple statements, like "Sex can wait until you are mature" ...

Jane - posted on 10/10/2009

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talk w/your pediatician on ways and if they have a system of helping w/the talk.

kids need to understand the gravity/importance of sex and so-called "saving themselves" and that they need to be prepared to 1) become parents and/or 2) have an STD for the rest of their lives when they decide to have sex. it's not to be taken lightly.

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2009

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11 is way to late. I have a 12 yr old son and an 8 year old daughter. I had the talk with them both already. My parents NEVER mentioned anything to me except DON'T DO It! I explained everything sexual abuse, diseases, even lusting. I want my kids to feel comfortable about the topic and assured they can ask me anything. I constantly bring up the conversation during dinner, wherever and whenever. It's an open discussion in my house. Morally they know it's wrong and also not to feel pressured into anything.

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My son is 17, my daughter is 6.5 and my youngest is one. I've always lived with the policy if they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to have an age appropriate answer. It was much easier in the 10 and under crowd. My teen of course is asking more complicated (sometimes very personal) questions. I try to keep it clinical and slang terms aren't allowed. I'm his Mother after all, not one of his friends from school. My daughter will ask general questions and simple answers are the best! I don't go detailed answers. Most of the time, she isn't asking for all that information. IE: Where do baby's come from Mom? My answer: The grow in my womb, a special bed in my body, and then the doctor cuts open my tummy and there you were! ( A sliver lining of C-sections) I have told her other Moms have babies come out from between their legs. Simple is best. If your embarrassed, just say so and get it out of the way. It will show your children that they can come and ask you anything. My oldest has no issue coming and asking me questions about things he heard, or didn't understand. Hope this helps you, or someone reading it.

Theresa - posted on 10/10/2009

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My Boys are now 9 and 12- I spoke to my 12 year old when he was 11- as funny as it sounds he saw our birds "mating" and he laughed and said" the birds are humping"I turned towards him and asked-What does that mean? We talked for a long time and your right -some things they learn from kids at school-but it's important to talk to your son and find out what he knows first -talk about the basics and ask if he has any questions-at first mine was really shy-but opened up more as we spoke-afterwards I let out a deep breath(I spoke to him-not my husband but I'm sure as they get older they'll go to dad) The younger one is too little yet but I'm sure at 11 they'll start to hear things in school-hope this helps...

Lil - posted on 10/10/2009

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I do think that the 11 year old should be told Now adays you can buy a vidio Then you can sit and watch it together befor you show it write down some answers to the Questions he may ask so all is ready

BUT now adays they do know a lot about it if you reamember they talk about it among themselves At school We used to and this was 60 years ago but the thing is that way they learn the wrong things They hear about the other boys having sex but that way I am sure that the boys just think of themseves not the girls once they have had it then the girls are called sluts NOT FAIR

I had a big argument with a friend of mine his son was going out on a date and he said have you a comdon yes said the boy

Me being me I said hey Hang on you are giving your son permission to have sex with a girl Now say your daiughter was going out with a fella and she had sex with him what would you do with out hesitation he said i would Kill him So you are telling your son it is ok with someone elses daughter BUT you will bash some one up who is doing what you have told your son is OK sorry double stanards

I have told my son he must respect the girl he is with plus when he has had what he wants dont call her a slut which is the norm for people to do its ok for the boys they are just sowing there wild oats

Just get a vidio and talk about it later tell him if he is worried about anything to talk to you about it

That pressure was not on us when i was young Of course the boys asked but if i said no that was it i\they said well if you dont i wont go out with you I just said on your bike and keep going

Lil

Winnie - posted on 10/10/2009

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I am a single parent of a 12 year old boy. I started the talk when he started asking about his private parts about 7 or 8. My son started asking questions about things he heard at school or saw on TV. I figured I would give him the correct information. I don't think that it is ever too young. The kids now are getting pregnant at 12 years old. I have told my son if you decide to have sex, he can talk to me or my brother, which he would probably feel more comfortable. I have always told him that he decides to have sex he needs to where a condom. I even have him sometimes watching the TV show on MTV, 16 and pregnant. He will ask questions during the show. It really changes his perspective in regards to sex seeing teenage kids trying to raise kids.

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