M - posted on 11/22/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )
I am a single divorced mother. My son was 11 years old when we divorced. He is now 17 year old and desperately seeking attention from his father. I have always instilled in my son respect, discipline, structure and rules in my household from a very young age. After my divorce from his father we never had problems. Both households maintained the same rules and respect for one another...UNTIL my EX married a woman whom lost her own children to her heavy drugs use. She has never really had anyone help her and of-course now feels she has won a prize as my Ex has money and status.
Since she has become a permanent fixture in my EX's life, it is always about her and him and my son is last on the list and is craving his fathers attention. I now over the past few years have been dealing with a very disrespectful son. I have always had an open door for my ex to see his son and my son to see his father. It was important for me that they built a good relationship so I never left the state for my sons sake.
This year I started to Home School my son for his junior and Senior years. it has a bit of a fight but he is getting straight A's. Public school had many distractions for him and it was a nightmare, so I switched it up with the agreement of my ex to benefit our son academically.
I have recently found out his fathers household has no rules or consequences. His school work does not have to be done and my ex due to having money gives him what he wants when he wants it. There is also a step son there who is 20years old and smokes weed and my son just thinks its so cool to now have a bigger brother, so there is another bad influence for my son. When my son comes home, I have to deal with him being behind in his lessons (past 4 weeks by 50 lessons), rudeness and the threats he wants to live with his father...Of-course he does... Its the easy household! NO Yelling No Rules, Can Do what he wants...Thats' a dream come true for any child.
I try my best to bite my tongue at the same time keeping all rules in tact. My son has learned to push and push and push me to the point of having to lock myself in my room or worse I end up having an anxiety attack due to all the stress I have to deal with from the other household and the lack of support in following the structure we agreed to have in place for our son.. It does not matter how nice I am....sure I have yelled, screamed, threatened to throw him out all of what I think most parents do when there children are constantly being disrespectful...but nothing works he is still disrespectful and I did not raise him that way.
My ex's wife calls and sends nasty messages to me all the time about my son hating me and hating living with me, downs my marriage to my ex. She brings up my sons child support as she calls it "hefty" all the time which clearly shows me what she wants. She is very insecure, and why wouldn't she be, he married me twice while messing around with a side-line the past 20 years. And I was the one who divorced him twice. But what ever movie she likes to play in her head is her problem. I have gone to the extent of blocking her calls and texts. I will not have any dialogue with her until she can communicate like a lady of some sort and my son is number one priority in their lives other than a means to create division between my son and I for the benefit of their pockets. The only communication should be with his father but he never responds unless he has something of monetary value to give our son. MANIPULATION at its finest.
All I care about is the well being of my son, academically, emotionally, spiritually and to prepare him to be a responsible young man who is balanced and ready for college and the world. It just breaks my heart that my son is hurting so much and he does not see it.
I feel he is being manipulated to such a point that if he has an easy house to go to and wants to live at they will not have to pay child support. For them it all boils down to money.
I call them the enemy because if you a decent human being (father and mother) you would want to do what is in the child's best interest. My ex believes he is showing him how to be a man and states " he needs to fall hard and learn some lessons"... As a mother i am against that philosophy because no one can guarantee the child will ever get back up....We are suppose to guide our children, and if we see them fall we are there to encourage them to get back up and try again...Not drop kick them into a mine field.
So with that being said, I am in a constant war zone and I feel the enemy is infiltrating my sons mind and manipulating him against me. I am just not sure what to do at this point. So any guidance that anyone can help me with is so greatly appreciated.
Thank you All.