The ex wife from hell

Emmy - posted on 07/29/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Let me begin by saying that I am the soon to be step mother of three wonderful children. Their well being is extremely important to me but the ex wife is hard to deal with. I am in love with the most wonderful man and met him while he was separated from his now ex. She looked through his phone one day while he was visiting his children and found messages we had sent back and forth about how we felt about eachother and how we both knew it was wrong to be more than friends until the divorce was final. She then began blaming me for why he told her (months before I met him) that he wanted a divorce. She blames me for 5-year-old Mikey's outbursts and hitting, although I only got to spend time with Mikey and his sister twice before the divorce for short visits. Never once did my fiancé kiss, hold hands, or have any physical contact in front of them. She tells people I'm a horrible person when I have done nothing to her. She told my fiancé the only reason she was with him was because he paid her bills. Now she is talking badly about me to the children. I don't know what to do

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/29/2014

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He has to handle her. You need to have no contact with her, and be in the extreme background for child exchange times.

Yes, she's going to place blame on you for the divorce, because you were in the picture before it was a divorce, and up until the day she found your messages, there was still hope for the relationship (in her mind). And, by all rights, he shouldn't have made that emotional plunge with you until the divorce was final. So, even though he had previously announced his intentions to divorce, until it was final, he was still married to her, and theoretically there was still a possibility of reconciling the relationship.

So, to minimize contact now is a good thing. HE has to stand up to his ex, tell her that how she's handling the situation is not appropriate, and handle it, if necessary through the attorneys. Just make sure that you don't escalate contact, that you don't respond poorly to her, etc. The ex wife never goes away, unfortunately, and I do understand how you feel, but right now, you don't have any legal standing in that part of the family.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/29/2014

13,260

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2015

He needs to keep his attorney involved, and his attorney needs to be handling all communication at this point, then.

If she's causing his PTSD to be worse, there could be problems for her as well.

Hang in there!

Emmy - posted on 07/29/2014

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Thank you for your reply. We did take the "emotional plunge" but we're never physical with each other. I understand how horrible that sounds but we respected the fact that they were still technically married. She is a verbally abusive woman. It's to the point that his family has had to step in and tell her to have no contact with him because he had to go through therapy over his experiences in Iraq. She made it worse by telling him he wasn't a man because needed a therapist

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