The father of my child doesn't want to do anything with his son.

Mary - posted on 03/14/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello, dear mums, I'll start telling my story from the very beginning. And sorry for my bad English, I'm from Czech Republic. If you don't understand something, just let me know and I'll try to explain better.

So few years ago I met a man that I fell in love with and we were dating for approximately a year. I knew from the very beginning that he doesn't want to have children, he told it to me himself when we started dating. At that time it wasn't hard for me to accept it because I thought I didn't want children either. We were using birth control however I got pregnant. He didn't force me to have an abortion, he said he'd respect any choice of mine. I had thought I didn't want kids but as soon as I found out I'm pregnant I realized I love this child so I chose to give birth. He said that he'll support the child financially but he doesn't want to be a father.

Shortly after this talk he left the country and started living abroad. He never forgot about me though, I got to visit the best doctors and had the best place to give birth, he paid for everything. Now every month I receive a certain amount of money for the child. And I really can't complain about it, from the material point of view my son has everything. He's 4 years old now and I'm back to job.

And I'm thinking about this man. He has never seen his son in real life. I sent him a few photos of our son when he was still a baby but he didn't seem to show much interest. All the time I hoped that he would change his opinion, that he would visit us. He travels to back to Czech Republic few times a year for some days. I've offered him to come to child's birthday or just visit us, he doesn't want it. He doesn't want his son to know that he's his father. My son is going to kindergarten and often he asks me why do all the children have dads and he doesn't. And what can I answer him?

He supports his son financially completely, which is wonderful, and yet I don't understand how can he be so cold about his own flesh and blood. How?

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Ev - posted on 03/15/2015

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And while I agree with you on this, you can not force another human to do something you want them to and that they do not want to. The only way that could be done is if you went to court in your country and got him on a visitation roster, custody set, and child support. I do not know how your laws work there as I am in the USA. This site is seen world wide and so in some cases like yours, we do not know how to advise other than get a lawyer involved.

Mary - posted on 03/15/2015

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He has always said that it's his duty to financially support us until the child has reached a legal age. However he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to know his son. I know he never wanted this child in the first place but now when the boy's here, he could as well spend some time with him. I really wouldn't mind because the boy needs a father. I'm trying to as good mum as I can but I'm afraid I can't give him what father can. My friends are encouraging me all the time to find another man but I'm not ready to let some stranger father my child.

Ev - posted on 03/14/2015

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That is a hard one to answer to a child of this age. I would not know how to tell him myself. Maybe you should ask dad why he is not showing any interest in his son and then you can form something from that to tell your son. Never though make it sound as if the father never wanted him though. Because sometime down the road this man could decide he does want a relationship with the boy. Its a hard thing to figure out.

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