the father of my son and my spouse might go to prison for a long time!!!

Tara - posted on 09/17/2014 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I have been with this man for 8 years. He has done nothing wrong, since i been with him. He goes to work everyday and i am a stay at home mom. He does whatever he can to support his family. Unfortunately he got a DUI about a month ago. And might b facing 3-7 years in prison. I dont know what to do or where to turn. Uugghhh. He was a semi driver. We had just moved, he had probable 4 beers and got a dui. So now its not just a dui, now he loses os career to. And has a bad bavkground with 3 felonies on his record bevause of his past. But like i said he has changed his whole life around, and has not been in trouble in 9 years. But his passed of not having a father and growing up in chicago, is coming back to jaunt him. Im so scared, once a stay at home mom. Now daycare wants $250 a week!!!! Thats gonna b just about my whole check!! How the heck am i suppose to pay for that a.d my rebt and my bills. Im so lost......someone help PLEASE

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 09/18/2014

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Without knowing where you are we can't tell you exactly where to go. I'm in Australia so the local agencies are very different to yours.
Google is great for finding the right place to start. Even your local church or salvation army could help point you in the right direction.

Alex - posted on 09/19/2014

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Look into the YMCA, they can provide free-discounted pricing for daycare. Finding a job can be easy, you just have to put forward an application, everywhere that is realistic for you to work.
As far as his past in Chicago and not growing up with a father...truthfully, it’s none of my business or anyone else's for that matter.
How you grew up, does not define who you are. It’s how you choose to apply it to your life.
However, where you grow up does not define who you are. It's your choice
He can take ownership of his life choices. He's a grown man. Having priors on his record isn't because of where he grew up, or if his father was there to teach him how to be a good man, or not. He made choices and the reality of the situation is….he must deal with them.
If you love him, and want to support him through it, then do it.
If you can't live with the burden, then don't.
Choices.
Do what you need to do to take care of you and your son. And don't worry about the IF. That will drive you crazy. Worry about the WHEN because it may not occur at all. So don’t rap yourself around the axle until things actually fall into play.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/18/2014

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Oh stop it. 'his passed and growing up in chicago'...PLEASE.

Your man needs to face his punishment like, well...a MAN. He chose to drink & drive, and he KNEW what his past record was, and what the likely consequences would be. Yet, he STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO ENDANGER OTHERS BY PUTTING HIS DRUNK ASS ON THE ROAD IN A POTENTIALLY DEADLY WEAPON.

ESPECIALLY if he's a tractor-trailer operator, he should have known better. I have no sympathy for someone who refuses to recognize that they have a problem with alcohol.

Now, what can YOU do? Well, you can practice up on your skills so that you will be able to secure employment for yourself when he's incarcerated. You will probably need to speak with social services in your area to see if you will qualify for food benefits, and perhaps some housing assistance. They will be able to help a bit, but the majority of the burden will be on you.

YOU CAN HANDLE THIS. You may not have hooked up with the best guy for making appropriate choices, but you're a woman, and women, in general are a strong, stubborn bunch. (I know, I'm one too!). Set out to secure a job, and tell yourself that you CAN do this. Sure, it will be rocky, but you'll feel better knowing that you're working to support yourself and your family, despite the poor choices made by your partner,.

Guest - posted on 09/18/2014

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You are right. You are not the one who screwed up, and I shouldn't have been so harsh with you.

Like I said at the end of my post....but I'm not sure if you got that far or not because the first bit was rather harsh and I probably wouldn't have read that far.
Start sending out your resume now, so you'll have a job if he has to go to jail. Even if he doesn't go to jail, you will probably have to work while he stays home for a while because it will be difficult for him to get a job with his record. Unfortunately, truck driving doesn't offer a lot of transferable skills for other careers, and with a DUI it will probably be years before he can go back to that one.....maybe warehouse positions?
Also, make sure he is looking for work now as well--if he goes to jail, he'll lose the job, but if he doesn't at least he will have one.
Make sure he gets a lawyer, but don't let him use your savings to pay for it. Lawyers can make some really bad things go away.
If you don't get a job in time, use the emergency funds you put aside when you became a SAHM.
Lastly, if he has a drinking problem, you might be able to get some financial support from a church if he agrees to counselling while he is awaiting trial.

Tara - posted on 09/18/2014

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I came one here for support. And if all u guys are gonna do is talk down to me, then for get this. I have enough of that going on at home. Yes he fucked up, i know and he knows. So i am just conserned about me and me son. I AM NOT THE THAT GOT THE DUI. so dont talk bad to me.

19 Comments

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Tara - posted on 09/19/2014

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Basically im was trying to say that the things he did in his passed, when he wasnt such a role model citizen (when he was 18-20 yrs old) is coming back to bite him in the ass!

Tara - posted on 09/19/2014

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Also Alexandra...... THANK YOU for everything u said, very inspiring thank you so much!!!!

Tara - posted on 09/19/2014

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Ok just so we r on the same page lol..... i dont blame his growing up in chicago or not having a dad, on his record. Was just saying yes he had a rough life, the things he got into inChicago and no fatherly advice. But i also beleive myself that its all is choice on what he did. But once he moved away from that area he changed his life around. Sorry i didnt put my words together the right way.
By the wat thank you Alexandra for the advise on the YMCA, i didnt know that!!!! :-D

Tara - posted on 09/18/2014

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Thank you everyone for the advice. And Michelle i will try to contact some churchs and see what they say

Tara - posted on 09/18/2014

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And i am asking around, thats one reason y i came on here to see if ppl know of certain place that help with this situation. Doesnt matter what he did or where he went, im in the same situation as if a husband left tjeir wife or passed away. Ect....

Tara - posted on 09/18/2014

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Michelle...... i know i have been given advise!!!!!! I was just saying basically my post wasnt for him, it was for me. shit. I dont care what ppl want to say about him

Michelle - posted on 09/18/2014

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You have also been given advice. You need to ask around and see what assistance is available, start looking for a job now so you can support yourself and your son. Also have a look around at daycares etc to find one that is affordable and suits your needs.
A few women have said the same things.

Tara - posted on 09/18/2014

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Ok everyone stop being so harsh, i was just giving a lil background on the situation and him. Ok...... on that note, i dont need any advise on his situation nor do i want to here you talk crap. He did what he did and cant change it. Personal im not worried about him. Im concerned with how to get a job after not working for a long time, im worried about housing. My son just started kindergarten dont want to have to move him around but if i have to i have to. And he only goes 1/2 day to kindergarten so i will need to find a sitter or day care to drop him off and pick him up ect......, so if you dont have any advise to give me on those things please dont post. I came on this sight just talk to someone and a lil support. I dont care what u have to say about him. Its about me and my son. Thank you

Dove - posted on 09/18/2014

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DHS may be able to help you out until you can get on your feet. Hang in there.

Guest - posted on 09/18/2014

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I don't have any sympathy for anyone who drives a car while intoxicated. A man who had 2 beers killed one of my best friends and put me in critical condition while I was pregnant with my kid. My life, my friend's life, my baby's life, and everyone else who is driving on the road's lives are worth the $30 it would have cost to take a cab home. If you have money for beer, you have money for a cab, and if you don't have money for both and don't have a designated driver, you don't need to be drinking.

Sucks for you, but he is the guy you chose to be their dad, and now he's giving his kids the same kind of childhood you blame for the way he turned out. The cycle continues.

Start sending your resume out now so that if he goes to jail, you will have a job, and if he doesn't you can just turn down any offers or quit the job as soon as you know. With his record, you may have to work while he becomes the sahp for a while even if he doesn't go to jail. If you don't find a job in time, you can use the money you put aside when you became a sahm, but try not to use that bc you may need it later. Do not let him have it for lawyers fees, but he should get a lawyer with family money or his own money if he has any. A lawyer does make a difference--the guy who killed my friend only did 40 days in jail, paid a $1,300 fee, and lost his license for a year.

Michelle - posted on 09/18/2014

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I'm with the other ladies, stop blaming his past. My Father lived in a few different countries when I was little but I don't have a criminal record. He got caught driving under the influence and he made that choice.
Like Jodi said, see if there are other daycares or subsidies available.

Lori - posted on 09/18/2014

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no excuse for someone who has a cdl to drive drunk. thank goodness he didn't hurt anyone else so - i can't get behind the "he has done nothing wrong" statement.
unfortunately, you are now caught up in all of this too and for that - sorry.

Jodi - posted on 09/18/2014

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I'm sorry for what you are going through, however, I need to say this:

You cannot BLAME his past of not having his father and growing up in Chicago. He is a responsible adult who made a very poor choice. I find it very hard to believe that he is facing 3-7 years in prison for being a well behaved model citizen. He (and you) needs to stop blaming his past for his choices and what is happening here and actually take responsibility for his actions.

The way you write indicates this has not yet been decided in court yet. Get a GOOD lawyer who will go in and fight for a good behaviour bond or something. However, lets face it, he was driving under the influence. He should know better.

I am not sure where you live, but there may be opportunities for daycare subsidies, or cheaper community care. You may qualify for assistance if this happens.

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