The loss of my only daughter
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Concetta - posted on 11/18/2013
used to wonder., at what age is it more difficult to lose someone who shared the very breath you take. I thought of how I felt, so empty..even though the sun was shining, it was still dark. I never cursed God, I did not like, or even understand. But I did accept as best I could. I thought that was the worst and the epitome of what pain was. Then I thought of my grandson, he was only 7. I can't imagine in my own worst pain what that little boy was going through. His Father was as useless as "tit's on a bull" if you'll pardon the expression..He was never around..that is a Steven King Chapter in itself. But my daughter was everything a Mother should be and what every child dreamed that a mother would be, So little, what do you say, how do you explain, what will he or won't he believe.How does one try to explain that his Mother will not be there in the morning, or any morning..But no truer are the words..God's will never take us where his Grace can't protect us
I lost my Mother almost two years ago. Almost two years to the date that I lost my daughter..She taught me more than any teacher or professor I ever had. She was always a strong woman, even after my Father died back in 83..But when Kelly died, she went down hill. Kelly was like a daughter and not a granddaughter. I'm not sure time actually heals all wounds. What it does do to some extent is that you accept, not get used to..there is a difference. Somedays the pain is just as bad if not worse than the day I got the news..Other days I am Happy she is with the Lord, other days I miss her so much I can't stand it. It helps to converse with others who actually know your pain. The solace I take in that is that I am not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.
Heather - posted on 11/15/2013
Wow. Concetta reading your post comment and I thought how true your statements are. I lost my mother in a car accident (a drunk driver) hit her. I was 16 my sister was 14. My grandparents raised my sister & I , we were all in such shock like a bad dream that keeps repeating itself and you just want to wake up to the real world but it never happens.I want to thank you for writing this & I want to thank you for the love that you are showing your grandchild. I'm 45 now & my grandparents have gone home to the Lord & are with my mother. I thank God EVERY day for giving me my grandparents they meant the world to me & my sister. But what really made me think is your last line in your comment (you learn to cope & except) so true, so, so, true. Somedays I can still smell my moms perfume, or I'll here her favorite song, or see someone that looks like her, I just think it's God's way of keeping her close to my heart & just maybe she's there watching me in that moment. But I want to tell you is cherish every moment with your grandchild he will look back when he is my age and think about how blessed he was to have you by his side to help him through life. When my grandmother past at (95) I was holding her hand and I whispered in her ear "thank you Mum-Mum for being my mom and my hero" . Again thank you. You are in my prayers!
Julie A - posted on 11/15/2013
I was 27 when Noah died. He suffered for 3 years with acute lymphoblastic leukemia .
I'm so glad you responded . I think I may use your idea of burning a candle in front of the sacred heart. I'm always looking for ways to honor his memory. I can do it on his bday and other days for him. But I know your daughter will see her son grow up! Of course she will be watching over him. I know this to be true and it helps me to go on.
So I remarried 3 years ago an was blessed with 2 girls. 16 months apart! I can see Noah in their eyes. I never thought I would have kids but I met the most wonderful man. I have to be strong for my girls. I know it's easier said than done an I struggle EVErY minute of everyday. But I have to thank God for what I do have and do the best I can for my family. We just have to find ways to cope, like you said. Talking to someone like you helps. Thanks. Some days are really bad but I just pray the pain away and talk to Noah in my head. I know he's here, listening and watching over me. Then ill look up and see a monarch butterfly. My sign that he is here. I could keep going. God really does work in mysterious ways.With the Sacred Heart on your side, anything is possible. Ill keep you an Kelly and your grandson in my prayers. Feel free to talk to me anytime. Love and best wishes,julie
Concetta - posted on 11/15/2013
Thank you for your kind and inspirational words. I had someone ask me once what's it like to lose a child, I can't even imagine. The only response I could think of that would appease me in an accurate response was to answer; If you have been through it, no explanation is necessary, if you haven't, no explanation is possible. I have tried often to put myself back to the day when I got the life shattering news in that small cozy cabin in NC. The news came from Michigan. Each time I get to the point when I heard the words, "she didn't make it", a wall of iron steel goes up and I can go no further, If I try it's like scratching the same spot for an hour in the same direction and not stopping. It drives you crazy and makes you want to jump out of your skin. She left behind 7 year old boy who is now 11..I was aching for myself and falling apart for my grandson. So many other happenings, good and horribly bad have taken place since that cold day in February until today. There is not a day that I don't think of her or cry. She is in my dreams each and every night. For that I am thankful. I have never though cursed God. I may not like what happened, but I have accepted it. I pray to the Lord each day for strength and courage. Looking at the world outside and taking a good look at how our society has deteriorated I have to wonder, who really here is the lucky one. In my formal living room I have a beautiful Oak Credenza with Kelly's picture and two candles that I burn each night with The Immaculate Heart of Mary and The Sacred Heart of Jesus. On the 9th of each month I burn them all day.
When she was little I worried all the time, is she warm enough, is she safe. I knew where she was every minute. Here...I can only grasp a part of what it must be like to lose such a little angel like a 7 year old. I don't know the circumstances of your sons journey to heaven, Even Parents where their children go away to college, it may be the best school, with the best of everything and you know your child will be happy there and is the best place for them..Yet...the day they leave....you still cry. The pain and the tears we shed are for us. They say it's the selfish part of us because they [are] in a better place. Be that as it may, I guess it's the selfish part of a parent to want them back where you can hold them, laugh with them, cray with them and watch them grow. Experience all the things you see on TV or read about. My daughter never will see her sons first football game, his first blemish as he reaches puberty, his first girlfriend, his first broken heart or the love of his life that will take him into the world of parenthood. She will never experience what it is like to hold a new grandchild and have a flood of memories of days gone by holding that tiny baby...and the list goes on. When they put her in the ground, a large piece of me went with her. People think it gets easier with time. Not so...you just learn to cope and accept it more. The pain is the same if not worse.
Julie A - posted on 11/13/2013
I'm sorry Concetta. Time will ease the sting but she will always be in your heart. I lost my son in 07. He was 7. I had to get professional help I was put on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Still on them. I learned alot about life since then and myself. It definately shapes the person you are and changes your life. I now have a better and deeper understanding and appreciation for life. It's so short, we will see them again I Promise. After years of working through the pain I just had to come to accept the fact he was gone and find ways to get through. I wrote to him everyday in a journal and bring him flowers to his grave site and just talk to him. Like he's here with me all the time watching over me and my loved ones. Do what you have to do to grieve. There is no right or wrong way. But go to the section of moms who lost children/babies , the older post areVERY helpful and it's not just moms who lost babies, it refers to all ages. My grief comes in waves and my son Visits me in my dreams. He lives in me and through me, ya know? I also can feel him sometimes through nature and meditation. Nothing crazy, just little signs reassuring me he is ok, I will see him again and he doesn't have to live in this cruel world. I'm here if u want to msg me anytime. I solely found this site for that reason an I love it. I feel better giving back and giving comfort for ppl like you when the unthinkable happens. Bc God is with you and you are not alone and you will make it through.God bless you and yours-Julie
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