The other woman

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a loving mother 5 year old twins. I adore and cherish my children more than I could ever have imagined possible. They are my heart and soul and everything I do in my life is for them.



My issue is their dad's girlfriend. She is and has always treated my role with disrespect and refuses to see me in person...only communicates in email. I reached out to try and know her (which isn't an easy task for a mama like me). But, I did this to try to bond for my children. I was received with a tutorial of how I should communicate with her and told that she basically didn't respect me. I have respect and appreciate that my children love her. I am happy to know when they are with my ex and her, they are being treated well. But I also think that she has a fantasy that she is their mother. I have many examples but my real thing that I struggle with is knowing that I am and always will be the mom. I have read stories of these biological moms who are in and out of the children's lives and the step mom's take over. I am fully involved, mother through and through.



I divorced their father, not my babies. Perhaps I am just venting and need to put this "out there". My heart aches when I am not with my loves. I just wish my ex found someone who could approach her own role with sensitivity, respect for me and a true value on motherhood.

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Sarah - posted on 01/29/2012

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Thank you for clarifying. I suppose my passion for the situation shows a wee bit. :) I am clearly struggling and agree that my babies are sweetly blessed with love surrounding. I have shared deep love with my nephew as well and thought I knew what it would feel like to have my own. I now know that nothing can compare with the love you feel when you have your very own.



I appreicate your comments and thank you for writing me back. Best to you!

Kelina - posted on 01/29/2012

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I'm so sorry I so didn't mean it that way!!! Absolutely you are their mother through and through! I meant for her. When they're there she plays that role for a short time. That doesn't mean you're not their mom. It would be incredibly wrong to expect your kids to call her mom or introduce her as their mom. What I meant was that we as women can feel like a mom whether we've given birth or not. Whether our kids are adopted or we carried them for nine months those instincts, that love is still there. i remember when my sister had my nephew. I loved him so much I wanted to cry. Having to hand him back to her nearly broke my heart. And if she has no kids of her own, but wants them then those feelings probably were already there, ready to be bestowed upon the first kids she could give them too. Your kids are blessed to have so many people in this world who care for them so much, even though it must be hard for you.

Sarah - posted on 01/29/2012

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Tara - It's NOT easy to share our babies, I agree. I am so sorry you could not post your true feelings and be okay about that. I am saddened they removed you as an emergency contact as well. In the eyes of the court, her role doesn't mean anything. You are the mother always.

Sarah - posted on 01/29/2012

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Kelina - For my situation, she does not have any children. I do believe she is jealous without a doubt. Having said that, I do not agree that a mother is a mother no matter what. In that respect, the word "mother" is too loosely used and not at all the definition I grew up to know. I brought my children into this world and not a day goes by that I am not their mother. Even when they are with their father I am still the one and only mother they will ever have. His girlfriend's role is a caregiver only. She is their friend and the confusion of introducing herself as a mother is only confusing to my children. I am a mother bear through and through and will protect my rights as well.



I am just tired of feeling like I have to fight for my role. My communication is mostly with their dad but I will continue to try to foster some kind of relationship with her. It's my job as the mother to try for my babies. It's just frustrating when my role is received with disrespect.

Kelina - posted on 01/28/2012

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by any chances does she have kids of her own? if she doesn't she might be jealous of the fact that you're their bio mom and she could never replace you. She may also be jealous of the relationship that you had with her now boyfriend. some women are just territorial. and if she truly loves them, then it's probably hard for her sharing them as well. A mom is a mom no matter if she gave birth to them or if she is going to marry their dad. If she's not a big enough person to try and be civil with you, communicate with their dad and just let it go. I know, way easier said than done.

Sharlene - posted on 01/28/2012

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Welcome .Well it's good to have a vent to let it out , Have you and the parties tried mediation ,that might help ,good luck

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