the pain of shared custody

Sw - posted on 08/09/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )

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i've been separated/divorced for close to 10 years. and i cannot believe how much being without my children still hurts. i feel depressed, sad, sick to my stomach, lethargic, discouraged and despondent. they're 10, 11, 12 and, despite the passage of time, this never gets easier.
i have a wonderful home, a job i love, and a new husband (of several years) that is really good to me, supportive and i love him. i exercise, i keep busy, i take advantage of the time when i don't have the children to "get things done," that i could not do otherwise. but none of this eases the pain. the children are safe with the ex, but of course, i despise him. i couldn't respect someone else less than i do him. he's a manipulative user and he used me. and just seeing him at sporting events makes me gag, just a little, every time. i realize i have many blessings, but being without one's children for a few weeks at a time during the summer, and some longer windows "every other holiday," tears at me. it's crushing to me, when they don't get to see their friends, when they miss out on time with the cousins at holidays, when our very busy lives when they're home with us comes to a screeching halt. it's important of course to have one's own interests; and we sort of do with work and exercise and a home to care for. but i had children b/c i wanted a family life -- sleepovers and playdates, tutors and music lessons, spring concerts and parent-teacher conferences, and all the other nonsense that goes with it all.
it's hard to have the things you loves most in the world with the thing you love least. i try to console myself that when they go to college, when they're "all grown up," that somehow, being apart, will finally make sense. but that's still half a dozen years away, and i don't really know how to handle not seeing them for a chunk of time at easter, or thanksgiving, or summer vacation, etc. it's as if i have so scrape myself off the floor when they're away for these longer windows. i've started seeing someone for support in advance of these expected separations and i have other coping mechanisms that seem healthy, but, i'm stilll just so sad inside when they're away, it's really painful.

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