Tammy - posted on 08/15/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )
My situation is very unique. I'm sure everyone thinks that, right?! My daughter is 5 years old. She came into my life when she was 6 months old. A male friend of mine and his girlfriend, at the time, got pregnant. The girlfriend ended up leaving my friend and said that she terminated the pregnancy. Turns out she did not. The girlfriend's mother called my friend from the hospital and said that she just had the baby girl. The baby was a safe surrendered baby since the girlfriend left the hospital and did not want the baby. My friend asked me if I could adopt the baby. At the time, I said I could not because I knew the baby was born addicted to drugs and I wasn't sure I could handle complications she may have in the future. The court ordered my friend to attend parenting classes for 6 months before the baby could come home with him. During that time, I went with him for visitation and I fell in love with her. So she came to live with me. My friend was perfectly fine with this. We did not discuss adoption right away, which was a huge mistake on my part. I was just ecstatic that she was with me. My friend is still in her life (if you call visiting her at my house, in her life). The problem is he will not let me adopt her now. It has become a major issue between us. He will not tell me why. When we enrolled her in school I wanted to put my name on her birth certificate and he said "no". We had an argument right in front of the enrollment counselor. I am so frustrated. I know at any time he could decide he wants her to come live with him and there would be nothing I could do about it. I feel like I am holding my breath until she turns 18, which is quite a few years away.
I'm sorry this story is so long but I feel like you need to know the circumstances.
I knew the day would come when she would start asking questions and I would have to address them. The day has come! I am reaching out looking for advice or suggestions. I do tell her that I adopted her. I say that she didn't grow in my belly but she grew in my heart. I get so nervous when she starts asking me questions. I never want to lie to her. I have been reading all sorts of things about talking to your children about adoption but my situation is so different than anything I have read.
Any helpful advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!