The " We Need to Talk " Talk

Faviola - posted on 03/01/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )




When is the proper age to talk to your daughter or son on how and where babies come from?(mind my daughter is only 5yrs and my son is 4yrs) Excluding the part where people have sex just so kids can have some what of an education of this subject.


Sherri - posted on 03/01/2012




You answer it in an age appropriate manner when they have questions about it. I just had my 4th and my 5yr old never asked so I knew it wasn't the right time and no need to explain anything to him at this time.

Diana - posted on 03/05/2012




At that age they just want to know the basics. They don't care about details. I think that giving them tidbits of information over the years is a great way to go. That way it's not like one big talk full of information overload.

I just told my girls that babies grow in a special area inside a mommy's belly. When the babies are all done growing & ready to be born someone who is specially trained like a doctor or nurse will help the mommy. This is usually plenty of detail to satisfy them. It worked out perfectly for me because I had a C-section with both my girls so I wasn't leaving out any info. when I said that the doctor took them out of my belly.

I added periodic information over the years (my girls are 11 & 9). Like if they seemed curious about the process I would tell them that everyone has hormones. Hormones help tell your body when to grow and how much (This is something that a 5-yr-old can accept if they are more curious about things.) They help with how tall you will be and things like when your body starts looking more like a grown-up body (It would always make them start giggling if I would whisper things like hair & breasts which their giggling in turn would make me giggle too). Hormones have a lot of work to do and take a long time to do some of it. They help to tell your body when it is ready to have a baby and then mommy & daddy decide when they are prepared for the baby.

I finally had "The Girl Talk" with them when they were 9 & in 4th grade because in Pennsylvania the school discusses it with them in 5th grade. I didn't want them to be blindsided by an info overload. LOL. I bought a great book by American Girl (can't think of the name of it right now.) It gave just enough info in the perfect way for maturing girls without explaining where all the girl & boy parts go like some that I found at the library. It explained about the changes that will be occuring in their bodies. I told them both were I was keeping the book & that they were welcomed to look at it any time they wanted. I said that they could ask me anything they want, but if they did have questions I would rather they come to me than ask a friend because sometimes friend don't always have the facts correct because they might have been told something wrong or misunderstood.

Pamela - posted on 03/04/2012




When the child asks questions, if they are small. Otherwise the best time, in my humble opinion, to have a complete talk about bodies, sex. emotions, etc. is when the child is prepubescent, which is before sexual development begins.

If your child is an early bloomer....normally in the case of girls...getting breasts early, etc. then that is the proper time while leaving the door open for questions at anytime.

Sex was never discussed in my home as I grew up so I had to learn through experimentation. I certainly wish it had been otherwise. I would have made better choices along the way when it came to boyfriends.

There are so many books and DVD's available now to share with your child that it makes the whole process a lot smoother.


View replies by

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012




A good read: 'The Wonderful Way Babies are Made' -

and then let them take it from there...

It will very possibly resolve any thought or questions, but let ecahchld express their readiness a the appropriate age for THEM!

Kay - posted on 03/04/2012




I think it's important to be honest when they ask questions. When I was in middle school, we had a twelve year old girl who was expecting. I definitely want to make sure my kids have the basics down before then, and that they understand that both biological and emotional consequences of sexuality. My five year old (then three) was curious how the baby got in Mommy's tummy when we were expecting our younger son, and we were fairly candid.

Jen - posted on 03/04/2012




I just gave my 8 1/2 year old daughter a little "talk". She has been sweating a lot lately so I thought I would simply tell her that her body is going to start to change over the next few years. I didn't get into any great detail, I reassured her that I will be here if she has any questions and we'll chat another time. A first step for my little girl.

Joy - posted on 03/03/2012




My daughter's 2 1/2 and asking about boy parts & girl parts (or woman parts more with breasts) and about babies. She asks 'why,' 'how' and 'what' a lot, but isn't looking for the exact answer - more seems to be for the reassurance that the adults will give her attention & answers when she asks something. A couple of her friends have younger siblings and other friends' parents are pregnant so its expected.

I tell her 'when two people love each other they might have a baby.' Since she's asked when she'll have a baby, I told her when she's older but her dolls are good practice if she wants to be a Mommy some day. ...and also if she wants a brother or sister (she says she does) then she can't crawl into Mommy's & Daddy's bed in the middle of the night. Too many other details tend to confuse her.

Sally - posted on 03/03/2012




When they ask. We use simple explanations and proper terminology so we don't have to reteach it later.

My 7 year old knew the basics of what parts she had and how they worked by 3 because she was curious about them. She learned how babies happen at 4 because she watched her sister's birth at 5.

Little sister (now 2) is just starting to ask about her parts.

[deleted account]

I was actually thinking about this last night.

My son is 3, and I was thinking that if he asked me I would tell him that Mummy and Daddy made the baby together, and the baby will live inside Mummy's tummy till they are ready to be born.

I think you could talk about sperm and eggs if you wanted to go into further details.

My aunt got my cousins a book called "where do i come from" and another called "all about my body" when they were will (about 6 and 4).

Daniell - posted on 03/03/2012




I tell them when they ask me. My son was 3-4 when I was pregnant with my daughter. I told him about boys have sperm, girls have eggs, you put them together and a baby grows in mommy's tummy. He has yet to ask about how the sperm gets to the egg (and something I haven't discussed with him yet) so we will discuss that soon. He is 10 now. My daughter asked at 5 when my sister was pregnant and I explained it to her the same way. She was more concerned how it grew, so I told her it was like a seed. I think most parents can explain everything without mentioning sex and the kids will be just fine.

Stephanie - posted on 03/03/2012




My 3 1/2 year old daughter came out with the question the other day....'Mommy where did i come from'...that one i answered in a way she could understand. I wasnt prepared for the question that followed....'but how did i get there!'... i had to think for a minute & fumbled my way through the answer.! I have no issue telling her, i was SHOCKED! as she is only 3 1/2 & i never in a million years expected to get this question yet! she hasnt mentioned it since so must have been satisfied with the answer i gave her..she is far to intelligent for her age!

Sara - posted on 03/02/2012




I agree with answering their questions at their level. I just had a baby and my 5 year old had questions. We kept answers very simple, example: "Where do babies come from? Babies come from mommy's belly. How does the baby get out? The doctor helps the baby come out." Just remember they have no frame of reference for their questions, so giving short simple answers without showing you are nervous may satisfy their questions. There are also books out there that talk about age appropriate answers... which you could use as a reference, but helps understand where the kids are in their thinking level.

[deleted account]

When they have questions about things... Though if they haven't asked before they go to middle school... my opinion is full disclosure. ;)

My girls knew a LOT about pregnancy and child birth at 5 (w/ their cousin being born then and their brother at 6), but no information on conception til 8ish (bare basics then). We started the main puberty talk at 7 and w/ them now being 10 and going THROUGH it... they don't have many questions and are quite comfortable w/ the changes going on, but we still talk about things as they come up. The sex talks are getting a little more detailed as well.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2012




I think the puberty talk needs to be about age 8 or 9. The sex talk can wait a little longer, like maybe 10.

Brittney - posted on 03/01/2012




I wouldn't think you would have to tell them until they ask...just my opinion.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms