The Welfare of My Son

Teresa - posted on 10/22/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My husband and I have been fighting regarding whether or not his mother can baby sit our son. My son is going on three months and before he was born both myself and husband agreed that we would not allow his mother to watch our son because she smokes weed. Now that my son is here all of a sudden my husband has a change of heart and feels as if I should have compassion for his mother and allow her to watch my son as she feels like she does not have a pace in his life. My husband is an only child and our son is the only grandchild that his mother has. I am no comfortable with his mother watching our son obviously because she does drugs based on this information can you give me you advice?? Thank you.


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American - posted on 10/22/2014




Pot is not as bad as you might think. it has lots of medical benefits. with that being said it is your child and is your choice. I have smoked pot while raising three children and it hasn't effected them except for taking that fifteen minutes away from them while I go in my room and smoke. did she smoke while your husband was growing up? It obviously has to be your and your husbands choice but as long as she doesn't smoke around the child then don't deny this grandma the right to spend quality time with the child.

Chet - posted on 10/22/2014




Are you concerned that she will smoke weed in the presence of your son, or that she just smokes weed on occasion?

Marijuana is legal, decriminalized, or in the process of becoming legal or decriminalized in lots of places. Very honestly, it's comparable to alcohol or tobacco.

My parents watched our kids a lot when we lived near them. They both smoked cigarettes at the time, but not in the house or around the kids. If one of them wanted a cigarette they would go out to the garage. They were really good with the kids, and we could trust there wouldn't be exposure to second hand smoke.

And even then, we have still travelled internationally with our kids and taken them to countries where some exposure to second hand smoke was inevitable. The feeling being that the overall experience of the travel was worth the minimal exposure to cigarette smoke.

I also have friends who smoke marijuana occasionally, and who've watched our kids. Our kids have likely been in houses when there was small amounts of weed in the home. I can't guarantee that these people would have been able to produce a clean urine test, although they certainly weren't stoned around our kids.

The safety of your child needs to come first. If your mother in law can't safely care for your child, for whatever reason, he shouldn't be left in her care. But stand your ground based on clear and legitimate risks, and her actual capacity to be a good caregiver. If she is always stoned out of her mind, and has no capacity for good judgement when it comes to childcare your case will be easy to argue. If she smokes up on the weekend, wants to have your son for a hour Wednesday afternoon while you run some errands, and is generally good with babies, I don't really see the problem.

Our kids are exposed to lots of people who make lifestyle choice that I don't agree with... however, those choices don't directly put our children at risk, and I recognize the value of the relationships. It is hugely beneficial for children to be surrounded by a network of friends and family who love them and care for them.

Spring - posted on 10/22/2014




No matter if its pot or any other drug we have a responsibility to our kids to keep them safe and keep them away from drugs. I would sudjest that she come around your home to visit your kid an the stipulation be no drugs on her or in her system. Let her know that you have a problem w it an that in order to see him it can not be done before she gets him or during. What she does on her free time is her business but what she does around your son is yours. If she cant handle that deal than she truely doesnt want to see your son. Good luck an be strong.

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