They are taking my kids away over something I didnt do

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My kids father and I share custody of our kids. He's married and has a family of his own and I as well. We have 2 amazing beautiful kids. Ny son is almost 7 and my daughter is almost 5. We have a trust
relationship with regarding our kids, for instance if the kids are sick or not having a good day or is having trouble with homework, or is going through some things those are the things we discuss when their father
picks them up on the weekends and drops them off. We touch base on our concerns woth kids and how we can take care of it and then we go our separate ways. Well as of last week, I noticed when I bathed my daughter that she had mysterious bruises on her side rib and all on her legs. I asked her where she got it from and she said she doesn't know. I asked if it hurt and she said no. So I didn't think anything of it. Their kids she has an older brother that's wrestles with her and an older cousin that plays rough with her sometimes, but I hobestly didnt think anything of it. Well the weekend of their dads visit was last weekend and I never mentioned the bruises to him because I forgot and obviously didnt think it was a big deal because my daughter never complained or showed that she was in any pain. Well Monday comes around and I'm waiting for my daughter to walk in my front door and nothing! I called the school to see if he dropped my son off to school and nothing. I was thinking the absolute worst thing a mother can think of. I went a little crazy and grabed my keys and went straight to the police station to tell them what is going on. They told me to go home they will call and send police over to my kids fathers house. A few hours later cops and CPA came over to tell me that they are keeping the kids away from me until court for child abuse! What?!!??? Are you kidding?? He never once called to ask me about our daughters bruises or acted concerned. He just took my kids away like that and the law and police allowed it. They have no proof, no evidence that I did this to my daughter. My kids need their mother and these next week and a half are going to be the longest days of my life. My kids need their mother as much as I need air to breath. I have court next Friday with them and I don't know what I will do if I loose custody of my kidsover something I never did and neve would do. I'm desperate so Any help or advice is so much appreciated. Thank you.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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Mariah, your situation would be very upsetting. If you have not done anything wrong, then the court investigation should come to the same conclusion. The father was overreacting or he's hiding something by trying to place the blame on you. Go to court. Tell the truth. Get your kids back. Do not do anything in the mean time to jeopardize your case. Be strong and have faith.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2015

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If you look at it from the side of dad: he finds bruises on his daughter that she can't explain. While it can't be easy for you to stand accused of something you did not do, wouldn't you rather be investigated and found innocent, then just have a cloud of suspicion over your head? Even though your kids would not be called in front of a judge, I am sure they were carefully questioned by a professional and that testimony will be considered. If nothing happened, then you have to trust that your kids will make that clear and all of this will be finished. Hopefully, there won't be a wedge between you and your ex as a result. You may be angry, rightfully so, but try to forgive. Best of Luck.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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I'd say a journal is a good idea. One for each kiddo, and daily entries. Heck, I'd even go so far as to add the stubbed toe or bumped elbow...Just to be on the safe side.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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Honestly, it sounds like a simple misunderstanding, however, going back to that 'trust' relationship...by not informing him of the marks on your daughter, technically you did violate that trust agreement by not mentioning it.

I know, it's easy to space things out when the kids don't mention it, etc...but that's part of the problem with those 'trust' agreements...all it takes is one little slip, and...

Why would you say "the court favors him"? Its not a question of favor, it's a question of fair access for both parents. Both parents have the right to relationships with their kids, regardless of what the other thinks, or may want. Courts (especially now) favor families. They favor fair treatment for kids, and parents, and are part of the process to attempt to ensure that no-one is 'favored' over another.

Jason R - posted on 02/03/2015

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Mmm hmm, do you need a child fund account that pays child support by both parents based on a percentage of yours incomes?

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Sarah - posted on 02/03/2015

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To advise someone to resist the direction of CPS seems unwise. If the accusation is completely unfounded, children aged 4 and 6 will be able to communicate that to a caseworker. If you feel you are not being heard or the caseworker does not believe you or your children, you have the right to have a second independent social worker review the entire case. Mariah, I am sure you are frustrated, scared, angry and worried. Be forthcoming and do what is asked of you. Fighting the system will not help you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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So...Ashley, (even tho this isn't your OP)...How did defying CPS do for you? Do you have your kids back?

Ashley - posted on 02/03/2015

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I know how you feel, 2 of my babies were taken away from me but i was a single mom working hard and had false accusations against me, they wouldn't even let me in my house. My heart goes out to you!! The best thing you can do is present any evidence you have that your house is stable and safe, and that you are an amazing mom and keep fighting and fight hard!!! Get a good lawyer, but the number 1 thing to do is never and i mean NEVER listen to CPA and what they tell you they will screw you over badly, don't agree to a case plan, just fight CPA's accusations. I listened to them and jumped through many hoops for 2 years and they were still in my hair trying to find reasons why i was an unfit mother. Gather any witnesses you might have that know you and their father, witnesses is key.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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Hang in there, Mariah. One thing I can say is that they will, as Sarah says, interview the children if they see the need, rather than making them appear before a judge. They don't like that type of stress (in the courtroom) to be put on the kids.

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015

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Thanks for allowing me to see the other side...as hard as it is but for the sake of my kiddos it's quick for me to forgive and move on. Appreciate your help through this.

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015

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Seriously!!! I told my husband I'm gonna track everything down, I don't care what it is. This will never happen again!!!

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015

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Well it's good to see other perspectives so that Im aware of all angles of what I'll be facing next week. Your right I should of mentioned the bruises to him but didn't think it was a big deal. That was my mistake. My attorney says that I need to start keeping a journal of when they get hurt and bruised just so that it can help me in situations like this. All of this is thrown way out of hand and I hope the judge can see the truth behind all of this.

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015

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This is what sucks is that because he does pay child support every month the court favors him. But it take more than money to be a good father. I wish they can let the kids decide who they would love to be with. I can't wait until he's at least 12 yrs old to decide wether he wants to go with his dad or not. As bad as I can't wait for that day I would still try to encourage my son and daughter to have a relationship with their father. I never want them to think that I hated kept them away from their father. I don't want them to have any resentment from me because I hated their dad. That's our business but when it comes to the kids I hoped that we can put all our differences aside and see what best fits our kids. Because our attorneys, the judge, CPA and cops can care less about my kids. They are my kids. I know and love them and know what is best for them. Not these strangers. I'm sorry I'm venting. Thanks yall for helping me talk about this..

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015

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Yea what I meant by "trust" is we call and inform each other on everything we are concerned about our kids and update each other and text if there isan issue or matter either one of us should know about the kids. Yes I would have loved a phone call but no he skipped that thought and went straight to CPS. We do have formal orders regarding visitation rights and other legal matters but I never thought he would do this. I know his wife is behind trying to prove since day one that I was an unfit mom. She is the least of my worries. I just need to know what my rights are as a mom and get all the proof and witnesses I need to prove that my kids are in no harm. Never in a million years did I rhink I would have to prove such a thing. Thx so much for another helpful advice:)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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Again, little troll fetzer? You demonstrate no grasp of anything related to parenting.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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"We have a trust relationship regarding our kids". Does this mean you have no formal custody agreement or visitation orders? If not, then he's not doing anything illegal.

Would it have been nice for him to call to ask about the marks? Yes, if you have a 'trust' relationship, that would have been nice, but again, if there are no formal orders, then he doesn't 'have' to contact you before he contacts authorities. Is it an asshole thing to do, absolutely.

Its not that 'the police allowed it', its that you don't have a formal agreement in place, therefore there is no place for the police to be involved, unless allegations of abuse happen, and if there are bruises, the first thing the police are going to do is recommend retaining the children.

Bottom line: If you truly aren't an abusive parent, and you can demonstrate that you do supervise your children, you won't have a problem. I do recommend formal orders, for sure.

Mariah - posted on 02/03/2015

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Yea I'm pretty confident that they can't prove anything because I dont beat my kids, but My attorney says that they will not put my kids on the stand to testify. I really wish they can, so the judge can hear for themselves that they are in a loving, safe home. I just have to gather his and her church and school teachers to witness and others that are always with my kids to testify that they don't live in an abbisive, hostile home. I really do appreciate the advice:) thank you

Jason R - posted on 02/03/2015

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Well they have to prove you are beating your kids. Your kids have to testify. If you didn't beat them to bruises then you have nothing to worry about. If you punish them without teaching them without negotiating with there wants and needs then you could be put at child abuse. Just done things to look forward to so you are prepared.

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