Thinking about having my first child in a house with my step child. Advice?

Puliti - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Well my step daughter is 9 and has been an only child her whole life. She has made it very very clear that she likes being an only child and lives with us full time with visits to the bio mom on the weekends. I play the mother role in every way besides the one that I want the most: biological.

My husband has always understood that I want a child of my own and he himself wants another child, but lately we've started talking seriously about it.

Now here comes the concerns. We are all still adjusting to being together full time. My step-daughter is very undisciplined and self-centered and it already has me worrying about having another child around her. Her mother has always been a troublemaker when it comes to the relationship between all of us and I know that a child of my husband and I's would only put ammo in her arsenal and have her playing head games with my step daughter. I also worry about how the stress would affect my pregnancy.

I've shared my concerns with my husband and at this point, we just want to start the conversation with her about a baby definitely joining the family in the future. Does anyone have any advice on what we should say, consider or do with this conversation? Is it even a good idea?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/19/2013

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Yes. Talking with her is very important. It is certainly NOT her decision to make, but having her feel like she has a say is very important. Getting her disciplined, and in line is also very important. Talk to her about the role of a big sister, and what all that means. If she is supervised with the baby, and never left alone, i don't see an issue with this. But the most important part, will be making sure she is not ignored or pushed aside because there is a baby. Just talk with her frankly.

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Puliti - posted on 01/19/2013

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Awesome thank you for the advice! We will definitely be using this info in our talk. I want very much for my step-daughter to understand that any child her father and I have in the future wouldn't be the star of the family, just another addition to the family we already have. My husband and I talked about the advice and have both agreed to talk to her soon. Thank you again!

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