Thinking about TTC after loss of child

Evana - posted on 01/16/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I just lost my youngest son in November, I was considering TTC maybe in another year or 2, but the hubbs says he doesnt want anymore kids at all. Dont get me wrong, I love & miss my son daily..idk I'm surrounded by kids and babies everyday and somewhere in the back of my brain says I want another one. To have that feeling of being a new mother again and plus I want my oldest to have somebody to grow up with so he doesnt feel alone all the time. But the hubbs keeps saying he doesnt want another one. He's in fear that if we do have another one, the same thing that happened to the youngest might happen again & plus he cant mentally deal with another baby right now. I dont really express it to keep down arguments. Am I wrong for thinking like this?


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Firebird - posted on 01/16/2012




I would suggest waiting at least year to discuss this with your husband. It's probably just too soon for him to think about it. People grieve differently.

Kaitlin - posted on 01/16/2012




First, I'm so so sorry for your loss- it sounds so contrite and I know you probably hear it all the time. A parent shouldn't have to bury a child. You are not wrong for feeling this way, and neither is your husband. This pain is very fresh for you both, and it seems to be affecting you differently (normal). I would wait a while and talk to him again, maybe in the summer, maybe even later. We as women tend to deal with things in a very different way- we need to nurture, we need to love. Men get frustrated when they can't fix things. It sounds really sexist, but it's true- our brain chemistry is just different (and you know, ours is better). Your husband can't 'fix' this for you, or for your family, so it makes sense that he doesn't want to 'risk' it again. But give him some time. You aren't alone. Keep talking, keep loving each other, and go on lots of dates and special family outings. It's okay to talk about your loss too. Again, I'm so so sorry.

ps, i'm sorry if that didn't come out right- i think you haven't gotten posts because people are scared of saying the wrong thing. But you've been through hell, someone saying the wrong thing isn't going to hurt, right? Also, I don't know if you're religous, but i'm praying for you guys. And your child.

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