thinking of leaving the father of my kids

Charmaine - posted on 02/19/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I'm a 29years old mom with 3kids, aged 8, 4 and 2years. The eldest are girls and my 2year old is a boy. I'm in a relationship with a man who has turned out to be the worst thing ever to me. He is manipulative, lies, does things and nut blame on me that its my fault he is behaving like that. I'm tired of that life and want out of the relationship, but I'm scared that I might not have a partner that will love me and my kids. Can I really find a man who can appreciate me and my 3kids?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/19/2014

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But, don't you see, that is NOT a reason to go looking for another man. He's using an age old ploy on you, because if he undermines you enough, you will stay.

Your children can still see their father and have him involved with their lives, so any man that you bring in and out of their lives other than that will not have the effect that you want (of them feeling 'fatherly' love), just confusion that you're involved with them.

So, if your relationship is not working out, and he's not participating in counseling, by all means, take steps to liberate yourself, but make sure it's for the right reasons. You struggled with your situation growing up, because your parents did not handle it well to begin with. THAT, you can change by making sure that you don't put your kids through the same emotional roller coaster.

That does not mean that you need to remain in the relationship, but that you have seen the 'poor' way of handling it...

Charmaine - posted on 02/19/2014

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I'm currently seeing someone for counselling. Honestly, I was raised by a single parent after my parents separated after 15 years of marriage and I was 16 years. My mom struggled so much, and I ended up seeking fatherly love from my boyfriends. This really hurts me as I get deeply depressed at some point. I'm a beautiful woman and really smart but when it gets to relationships I'm a compete idiot. I lost so much in this relationship, a large deal of money, I feel my life is a mess and don't know how to pick up the pieces.

He sometimes used to tell me that if I leave him, there is no man my age who would want to be with me. Only older guys aged 45 to 50 who are bored with their lives. These are his kids except my eldest and I get so angry at myself that why did I let myself have two kids with him.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/19/2014

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You concern should not be whether or not you can find another man. Your concern should be taking care of the responsibility you have to your children to raise them to be self sufficient adults that will hopefully contribute positively to society.

Pulling men into and out of their lives just because you think you need a man around is not doing them any favors. You'd just be showing them that you believe that a woman needs a man in her life.

If you aren't happy in your relationship, and counseling hasn't helped, then consider divorce (or separation in your case), but don't do it just because you want to find a new man who you hope will treat you better...

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