Thinking to go to military but dont want to leave my kids :(

Vanessa - posted on 11/13/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have been wanting to go to the military since I was 15. At 17 I got pregnant and couldn't go 18 I had my beautiful son I didn't know how in love I would be with him and how I couldn't stand being away so I wanted to stay then times got hard for me I couldn't find anything I liked to do as for work and so after graduating medical assisting I went to recruiter and was working on my weight when I got pregnant again and gave birth to my gorgeous daughter in 2013 but this pregnancy I gained so much weight.. I still do not want to leave my babies but I can't satisfy myself being here. Is there anyway I can take them with me I will consider marriage with my kids dad just to have them close by .. I feel like if I don't go I will always say "well I always wanted to join the military" any advice I still have a long way to go with weight loss but I can do it soon and I am 23. So if you have any advice to his I can take my kids with me let me know

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Raye - posted on 11/13/2015

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I agree with Dove and Sarah. Once you have kids, you need to consider them in everything you do. Do not marry someone just to have a "babysitter". Parents in unhappy relationships do not tend to raise happy children. And unhealthy marriages that "stay together for the kids" tend to produce children who have unhealthy relationships as adults. It's not a fair situation for anyone involved.

You may have to realize that the choices you made (having unprotected sex and having kids) have altered your future so that you "shouldn't" join the military, even if they were to allow you to join.
1) if you die, what happens to your kids?
2) you can't control where you're deployed or if you will be able to bring your kids.
3) if you lose a limb or get PTSD and can no longer function normally, how can you care for your children?
4) The financial benefits aren't what their hyped up to be. You usually don't get offered "perks" unless you're an officer, then it still may not cover all the needs of your family.

Think about what it is about the military that appeals to you, and see if there's another way you can fulfill that desire.
1) If you want to "make a difference," your medical training can make more of a difference than being in combat. You can work or volunteer at the VFW or other veteran organization to make lives better for those returning after serving (ask them if you should join!).
2) If you want "adventure" or to "see the world" just keep in mind that traveling with the military doesn’t mean vacationing. If you are lucky enough not to get sent to a war zone, you’ll spend most of your time on a US military base, oftentimes in a country that doesn’t welcome US troops. For a family adventure, you can start with having weekend vacations in the area a few hours drive away. Many people do not become a tourist in their own state, and miss many wonderful places and experiences close-by. Overseas travel can be tricky with families, but if you plan it well, it can be done on a budget.

Give it some more thought. Ultimately it is your decision, but one that will greatly affect your life and the lives of your precious children.

Sarah - posted on 11/13/2015

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You CAN'T join if you are a single parent. So you'd have to give full custody and relinquish your rights to dad for a year before you join. Or, marry a man you do not want to marry? Really? Reread you post, does it sound reasonable? If you wanted a military career then that should have been top priority. You got pregnant; chose to carry the baby and keep the baby as well. If the military was your top priority, you had options. Then you had another baby? I think you need to rethink this option. My son is at West Point, but while he was in high school we met with a recruiter, because ROTC was his second choice. One of the first things the recruiter told him; "don't be a daddy" more than once that recruiter made clear that a baby would only make his enlistment complicated. I was more of a fly on the wall for these visits so the recruiters were frank; "if you have a girl, don't her pregnant, and if she doesn't want to see you go, make extra sure"!
Have you met with a recruiter? What advice did he/she have and what branch of the military do you desire to join and why?

Dove - posted on 11/13/2015

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I would highly advise against joining the military if you are a single mom... and I would NEVER advise someone to marry someone else just to join the military. I'm not even sure a single mom CAN join the military. I get that you want to do this, but life isn't about you anymore... it's about what is best for your kids... and they need a stable life w/ a stable and present parent.

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Sarah - posted on 11/13/2015

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Well said, Raye. We had another mom who was remarried and was 32 with 4 kids who wants to enlist. I think, once you are a single parent, the military is not a reasonable option. They can make it sound so enticing and like the perfect fix to all of your childcare and financial problems.

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