Christina - posted on 12/24/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
I had a third degree tear and I am healing ok but I am really devastated that it happened. It was my worst fear about giving birth and because of it I missed out on baby's first few hours and couldn't care for him for the first few nights when I was alone because I was in so much pain I couldn't move much. I feel so much guilt about those first days and nights, not being able to help him as quickly and as much as I would like. He cried so much and the nurses and midwives didn't help as much as I needed them. Especially because sometimes I was in so much pain I couldn't reach the buzzer.
Now 6 weeks later I'm still in pain and when I look at my husband I resent him for my tear. It sucks because I know it's no ones fault but I feel like if he never got me pregnant I wouldn't be in this situation.
Sorry for the vent I'm just feeling quite down and feel worse about the situation because I'm not enjoying my son. I wish I could be happy about being a mum but I'm not. I'm not feeling like I want to harm my baby or anything but I don't find caring for him as enjoyable as others seem to be. I honestly feel like a horrible mother for saying I don't enjoy caring for him. I wish I could change how I feel and not be so down about the whole situation.