Tamara - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )
Hi, I am in what i call the Third Stage of Motherhood. My son has graduated from high school and turned 18. To me, Stage One is birth to end of elementary school, Stage 2 is high school. Are there anymore mothers out there in Stage 3? Some people might think that mothering is over at this point. You've given them all the life lessons you can, which is mostly true, but it's been a difficult transition for us. My son and i are really close. He is paying a little money for rent, as we want him to get into this habit, plus, we've supported him all through high school, not insisting that he have a job because he had a very active extra-curricular life which we encouraged. He's now making some money and we have asked him to contribute to things like the cable tv and internet bill, and he's responsible for his own cell phone bill.
The biggest issue is whether he should be expected to let us know if and when he's going to be home when he goes out with his friends. He feels that because he's 18 (we're in Canada where age of majority is 19) and pays rent etc. that he can just come and go as he pleases. I don't think that this is right. I tell my husband when i'm going to be home when i go out and call if that changes. This is probably from my upbringing of having to let my mother know all of that and i didn't leave home till i was 20.
We are very lenient and it's not like i'm going to tell him he has to be home at a certain time, i just want to know if (especially) and approx. what time to expect him so that if he's not home by a certain time i know that something might be wrong. Living in a big city that has it's share of big city problems including gangs, which i know he's not involved in, is challenging when your child is out late at night. That said, he is 6'2" and somewhere around 230lbs so i know that some people would be intimidated by him, but if there is a weapon involved size does not matter.
He might be older, but i'm still his mother and i'm still going to worry. We've already had numerous discussions about his friends drinking/driving etc. and i'm not worried about that, as he assures me that he knows better than to do that.
Anyway, just wondering if anyone else is going thru this or has, and has kept their sanity.
Vancouver, BC, Canada