This is going to be a long one...

Christine - posted on 04/16/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Alright, first off I would like to say hello and thank you to everyone that takes the time out of their day to read this, let alone respond. Also, that I joined because I saw so much outreach and responses, I couldn't resist.

I am a near 28 year old woman, with a son who is almost 10. If you do the math I had my son when I was 17. I was still in high school and very young. I can say it was a very difficult path along the way, but here I am alive and well. But now I find myself in a pickle, yet again. Let me explain...

I am currently a college student, with a little over 2 years to finish. I am in a committed relationship with a man for almost a year now. He has a great job, and he too is also in college. He has no children. We recently found out we are expecting, to much surprise! We have went back and forth with our decision as to whether keep or abort the baby. I feel more prepared than what I did before with my first, because I know what to expect now. After much debate and still a little weary, we opted for abortion. I have my appointment tomorrow to do the "pre" screening for the medication pills. And I believe, Saturday will be when I take the pills. But let me back up a little....

Yesterday, I was working and realized I was bleeding. I was very concerned and sad. I went to the hospital. After tests and ultrasounds, they indicated that the baby was still alive at 7 weeks, however I need to go back tomorrow to ensure my blood and HCG levels are back to normal. But, tomorrow, let me remind you, is the same day I am "supposed" to go for the "pre" screening. I think that it is a bit odd that all this happened yesterday and if I should take this as some sign???

Now I am questioning whether I should follow through with the abortion. Was the sadness I felt to help me realize what I will feel after the abortion? And the more I think, yeah, we are in no financial shape to raise a baby, but yet I wasn't at 17, but I managed. But I would like to add that after having my son, I have severe PPD and still deal with depression today. And since being pregnant, my hormones have NOT helped my mental health. I find myself crying often. Maybe because of hormones, of being scared of going through a 2nd PPD phase again (it was awful), and just not feeling ready for another baby.

Ultimately, I understand this my decision to make, but I would truly love experiences and opinions. Now I know I will make some people mad about the abortion, but I want to explain everything for what it is worth. I am only human. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks again for stopping to read this and I look forward to hearing from those who chose to comment.

5 Comments

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Skylar - posted on 04/16/2013

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Keep your head up, I know how hard it can be. Trust me, just remember.. like you said, "it's going to be okay."

Christine - posted on 04/16/2013

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Yes, I honestly thought I would never get pregnant again. I mean I would have my occasional baby fever here and there. It is the just the reminder of how crippling the PDD was. Ughhh, it was awful. And the baby would be due in DEC 2013, and I HATE HATE HATE the winter. Seasonal depression. and being coped up in the house. yughh.

I dunno I just can be a very impatient parent and sometimes snappy. I am just wound tight naturally and kids can make that tight wire snap. I do not beat my son, but parenting wears on me, but I know I am not the only one. I wouldnt change my life for a life without my son. It is just tiring some days, and some days are great!

I just worry so much, I wanna be a good mom AGAIN instead of going down the wrong direction.

Skylar - posted on 04/16/2013

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yes, I understand. Personally, I could not even imagine giving a child up for adoption. Are you considering not having anymore children?
This is a very difficult situation for you, and I'm sure that you will make the best decision for you.

Christine - posted on 04/16/2013

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I know adoption is an option, but I am too selfish and honest to admit, if I carry the baby that long the only option is to keep it for myself. So, adoption is not a personal choice of mine. However, I will not say abortion is right, because not for one second do I think it is right. I dunno, just a big decision right now. And I know how a little one running around, is going to change everything all over again.

Skylar - posted on 04/16/2013

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Christine,
I'm offering advice not because I know you or your situation but as you explained you were very young whe you had your son, I too was very young. My daughter now 6 I had eight days after I turned 18. I completely understand your situation, now with that being said. I sometimes believe it when they say everything happens for a reason. Do I think that the bleeding was a sign, maybe.. but what I think doesnt matter, does it.. Do you think that it was a sign, do you think that anyone (aside from the couples who TRY to have a baby) are really prepared.. and truly.. even those parents arent really ready..

I'm not going to voice my opinion about abortion, thats not why I am here.. I'm pretty sure as we both know have children at 17/18 years old was not easy..

I will say this, there are so many people in this world who would give the world to have a baby... You could bless these people, if you think your not capable of doing it.. Let someone else do it, I hope my opinion helps!!

"Everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not known yet."

-Sky

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