three kids one on the way

Coline - posted on 06/09/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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i have three boys and im expecting another baby in jan and a few of my friend r kind miss treating me the say thing like u dont need another one or dont you think ur kids r kinda close togather and it hurts my feelings and i feel down alday my kids r close but there all tooken care of and have everything they need should i let it get to me or just let it go

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Yeah. People can be really stupid. Sadly, I suggest you learn to ignore them because, as far as I can tell, it never stops. Mine are far apart (4 years between the first 2 and then 3 years between the others) but I have 4 of them. I still get that oh-so-clever "Don't you know what causes that?" or "My, don't you have your hands full?" (said in that tone that makes it clear that what they're really saying is, "My, what an idiot you are.") If people knew how many times a day I hear those EXACT SAME COMMENTS they would shut their pie hole. Sorry! Had to rant. After 10+ years of listening to "Oh, my gosh! You're pregnant AGAIN???" I'm just totally over it. I don't care if they think I'm a nutball, I just wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves. My step father was one of TWELVE as was my grandmother. Since when did 4 kids become some ridiculous number of children?? To the most persistent repeat offenders (of making stupid comments) I have just finally said, "Look, just because YOU aren't woman enough to handle 4 kids doesn't mean I'M not!" I homeschool and in the circle of my homeschool friends, most people have at least 4. I know 3 families that have 10. You are fine. It's the other people who have the problem.

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We had 4 kids in 5 years also (mine are all 19-23 months apart). I don't know what the big deal is either. As long as you can take care of them go for it! I also got some comments, but i just ignore them and know we are doing the right thing for us. We didn't "plan" ours either but we also didn't "stop" them. We would have had more but my hubby got sick and now we decided not too have more as there is no cure for his illness. Again I say go for it!!

Teresa - posted on 06/10/2009

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Coline, it sounds like you have a really big heart and I think it is wonderful that you are having another baby. I can completely understand that those comments really sting, especially right now. My best friend had four (18 months apart), 3 boys and a girl. Yes, they are close in age and close as siblings. Many people don't understand and she even got her parents talking about sterilization when she got pregnant for the fourth time. One thing that is good is you will be done with diapers and bottles LONG before your friends that spaced them out (even if they did have less)! And when they start going to school it will just be bang, bang, bang done with kindergarten! All I can say is focus on those beautiful smiles and everything else will fade away. Enjoy them, it doesn't matter how many you have, the time still goes by too fast.

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2009

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I had a lot of rude comments when I told everyone I was pregnant this time because ours are going to be so close in age (less than a year apart). I didn't really get what everyone's hang ups were. I would hear stuff like "you know MOST people would wait awhile before becoming pregnant again" or like "did you do that on purpose?"....I don't know what gives anyone a right to give their input on my kids it's not like i'm asking their help in raising them! Besides I don't know since when 2 kids (or 4 for that matter) is a HUGE family anyway?! There were 4 in my family so I always grew up thinking that was normal and thinking of a "big" family as like 8 kids. So whatever if they don't want kids that's their business and they should let you do what you want!

Jamie - posted on 06/09/2009

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If you are happy and your children are happy then why should it matter what other people say your friends dont sound like friends at all if they are not supporting your decision.Do they realise that you are doing the most imprtant job in the world ''raising the future''.

Dont feel down about your decision at all i think its great to have them all a short time apart the kids will get along alot better and share the same interests..Well done your doing a great job.

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Amber - posted on 12/21/2012

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I have 3 boys of my own & my Boyfriend has 3boys too and now were EXCPETING one together were pretty excited but ALL WE hear from my Family is Negative what should i tell them .? Shove it..i think soo Keep our fingers crossed for a GIRL :)

Cara - posted on 06/16/2009

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My partner and I both have children from a previous relationship and are thinking about having one together. (I have 4 and he has 2) and I work with children, many of whom have additional needs and I am constantly getting the "are you freaking crazy" comments from people.

Chin up and keep smiling hon... some of us were made to have big families.

Kathy - posted on 06/15/2009

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I had 5 children in 9 years. By the third one, people were saying, "Don't you know what causes that?" (Duh) At the fourth pregnancy, many people made small-minded remarks, and by the fifth one, some just talked behind my back. My youngest is now 10, and there was a guy in the grocery store recently who made a remark about my "problem" having so many kids. My response to him was that I don't see this as a problem. Many of my friends are also "mothers of many," and we wouldn't trade it for anything!!!! Take heart, and welcome to the club!

Tiffany - posted on 06/12/2009

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I don't think there is anything wrong with having four children. Sounds like you and dad may still be together. Try having 2, a 12 and 2 year, and one one the way, and this is the worst part...they are all by different me and none of the relationships worked out and never got married. The baby on the way is due in September, and had to leave dad in February because he was an alcoholic. I feel so unsuccessful and was extremely embarrassed. I think about him all the time and am always lonely, in need of help and no one here. We have to make the best of our decisons, and my decison was to have 3 children, so I'm going to love my 3 girls and move on in life, regardless of the fact that none of them have a father around. Have as many as you'd like as long as you can take care of them!

Wendy - posted on 06/12/2009

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I say let it go! At the end of the day if you are happy, your kids are happy and your husband/partner is happy then what does it matter what other people think? My mum was so adamant I was to only have two children (she looks after them two days a week for me to work) that she actually sold my pram on my behalf. When I announced I was having baby number three (planned by the way!) she soon came round to the idea and she even bought my a brand new pram to compensate for the one she sold! Perhaps some of your friends are envious that you cope so well with a brood of soon to be four. I know I am, I find it hard enough with three! Take care of yourself and sod everyone else x

Tracey - posted on 06/12/2009

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I have 3 and 1 on the way very far apart in ages 15,9,6,and 18 months 3 0f 4 are adopted 3 have the same birth mom and the rude comments we get are terrible.

We all have differnt skin tones the worst one was @ school in my sons classmate she

said u can't be his mom because u r tan and my son is very light and he is my birth child or when the school call me to say there is a mistake on the bus route that my daughter couldn't go because she was not his sister she is darker then him I hit the roof, I couldn't belive as blended as family are they were so stupid.Makes me laugh

Dana - posted on 06/11/2009

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DON'T GET YOURSELF ALL UPSET,IT'S NOT WORTH IT.GOD HAS BLESSED YOU...MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST LET THOSE SO CALLED FRIENDS GO..IF THEY WERE TRUE FRIENDS THEY WOULD BE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE..

Michelle - posted on 06/11/2009

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i understand how you feel ! i had my first four kids in 3 years time. all single births. 4 in diapers at the same time. i did not complain. and i washed those diapers every day ! so why do others complain if we do not ?! now i have 5 kids . ! my best advice is ," dont take everyones advice ". enjoy being pregnate- its special for you

Debbie - posted on 06/11/2009

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Good on you for doing what YOU want to do! I really do get annoyed when people feel they have to dump their own feelings on others. OK, so they don't want anymore children, it doesn't mean everyone else should be just like them - follow the path less travelled, and ENJOY it!!

Jen - posted on 06/11/2009

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I feel for you, it is no ones business how many children you have if you can afford them all and they are loved and taken care of. My friend is pregnant with her sixth, and hers are all close together ( her oldest is 7 1/2). She planned all of them, and chose to have them close in age. She gets rude comments all the time, especially when she takes all of them out shopping, etc. Those of us who are her true friends are extremely happy for her; she is getting what she wanted, which is a lots of kids . Feel good in knowing you are doing what is right for you and for your family. I am sure the comments will stop once your friends get to meet that beautiful new baby of yours. Hang in there. :)

Michelle - posted on 06/11/2009

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hmm, i hear you...i have six and am due again in a few weeks. it is hard to hear all the comments....but you know, occassionally you will come across someone who will have something nice to say. when that happens, make sure you thank them...i always do! true, doesn't happen often but just hold your head up....some people just don't seem to grasp the concept of actually liking your kids enough to want more...also, don't forget to factor in the whole hormonal thing...i find i am always a little more vulnerable to stupid people when i am pregnant....chin up!

Misstish Itsmylife - posted on 06/11/2009

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I think its none of their business if you have another child. Like you said your kids are taken care of and do not want for anything. I have three kids myself but my husband and I want another child and if we are blessed with another one I won't care what other people have to say. Some people just need to worry about their own houses instead of everyone elses. Congrats on the new baby. Don't let your friends stress you.Enjoy this time with your family. i wish you the best.

Leaha - posted on 06/10/2009

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Honestyl I don't know what the big deal is either. If you can afford it and it makes you happy to have four or more children, Go for it! I know if I could I would have a baby every year! Well, I don't know if I would want to end up like the Doughards and have 18 and counting, but I've always wanted a big family. I've delt with those comments too. I personaly only have one biological daugher who's 8, but I have 3 step kids, an 11 year old step daughter, a 8 year old step daughter and a 2 year old step son. But I long to have another couple of my own, so my hubby and I are trying, but have already had one miscariage. My brother and sister in law are pregnant right now with their 6th child. And they get the comments too. If people don't like it, then tell them they can either keep their opinions to them selves or take their words and shove them up their @sses!!!

Congratualtions on the newest one coming soon!!!

Leaha

Coline - posted on 06/10/2009

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thought what i though im the toungest of four and i love babys and it just makes me so mad when people look down on me cus im not doing what they would have down my kids r all 21 or 22 months apart i didnt plan it that way but i didnt stop it eather an it is my life and i wouldnt change it my feelings just get hurt when poeple talk bad about me cus i never talk bad to them thanks for ur in put it helps

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