Time Outs.... not working!!!!

Lisa - posted on 03/08/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Alright moms out there. I am in need of a little advice.

I have a 2 1/2 year son, who is the sweetest thing ever...majority of the time. You see he has a baby sister who is now 9mos old. For the most part they get along and play well together. he loves reading to her, teaching her about all the toys. He even shares with her,

But for some reason he will so casually strike out at her. He will walk right up to her and either push her back, throw a toy at her, he has even bit her. Yes I know welsome to terrible 2's.... right?

But my husband and I can not handle this behavior. We have tried everything from time outs to taking away toys. We are consistant and firm with him and follow through with our threats. We talk to him after he is punished and explain why he was put in time out or why he can not play wiht his favorite toy. He seems to know that his behavior is not right and he says his sorry and is remorseful. But what the heck.... he then turns around 2 hours later and does it again.

We thought maybe jealousy.... so we are very mindful of keeping him involved with the baby and making sure he feels included. I am kinda getting frustrated. Any suggestions moms???????

3 Comments

View replies by

JuLeah - posted on 03/08/2011

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Time outs are not a punishment. They should never be used as a punishment.

They are a teaching tool.

Punishment does not teach and you wish for him to learn.



Understand a 2 1/2 yr old will hit and strike out. It is what they do and part of healthy social development.



Be gentle with him, or what he wil learn is to be harsh.



He is not sorry if he hits her, he can not poss. understand life from her point of view, he just doesn't have that ability.



You are doing all the right things so he will grow up knowing, but he is many years from being there.



He is not doing this to be mean. He is acting like this because he is two.



There is no such thing, btw, as terrible twos ... all they do is developmentaly 'normal' and you would have big cause to worry if he were not acting like a two year old.



He is a baby with the mind, and world view of a baby.

He doesn't know his behavior is not right, he knows you are upset. He doesn't understand why and I am sure he is confused, so he says words he has learned make you smile at him again, but he doesn't understand their meaning.



It is good to 'explain' to him, but if you are using more then about ten words, you have lost him. He won't understand.



If you take away a toy becuase he hit, he will in no way understand that connection. He knows you are mad and being mean to him, has no idea why. If he hits with a toy which is, that second, taken away, he will start to learn.

But your reaction has to connect with his action, or he will just be more confused.



Keep him involved with the baby, good idea.



If he hits, tell him, "we don't hit" Pick up the baby and give all attention to her for about a minute ... cuddle her, say sweet things ... then bring her back to him and let him practice 'gentle hands' and give him a lot lot lot of priase for his gentle hands ... he will learn, but it will take time.



Kids work for praise, attention, and love .... show him what he can do to get that from you 'gentle hands' and praise him when he shares, plays with her .... praise is a reward at this age and rewards teach ... we work for that.



Ohh, and to explain something and have him, two hours later, do the behavior again .... yah. 2 hours is like the next day for a kid his age .... he won't remember, and might not even see the situation as similar even if he does.



He is a baby after all .... learn about the development of a 2 year old. It will help you help him learn about his world.

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