Time outs other options

Tcordukes - posted on 09/24/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Just wanting other punishments for children (not my own) when it comes to hitting biting, punching and being rude. Time outs at my work will soon not be allowed due to apparent humiliation, so i need ideas.
thanks ladies.

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Jenni - posted on 09/25/2011

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In some situations you *have* to remove the child. You could be in just as much trouble for allowing the child to attack another child. And as I'm sure you know, a lot of negative behaviours toddlers/preschoolers exhibit is due to being overwhelmed. So it is imperative they are removed to calm down. I really see no other option in certain circumstances.



Maybe get smart and give 'timeout' a different name like I suggested. And only use it for times when a child is causing harm to himself or others. He *needs* to be separated from the group in this situation to prevent other charges from being harmed.



What parent can get upset over the "Reflection Pool" especially if you are sitting with them during their 'timeout'... I think that technically makes it something else and not a 'timeout' (implying they are put on a chair in a corner and left alone).

JuLeah - posted on 09/24/2011

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Time outs should never be used as a ‘punishment’. They are a tool that allows a child to regain control of themselves and they work when used as they were meant to be used.

No sure what work you do … Pre school? Day care?

Pre correction is your best option. So, the children sit in circle each day, you go over the class rules. For little kids the rules should not number more then three.

Safe hands, kind words ... whatever rules you come up with that are positive - meaning 'safe hands' is a better rule then 'don't hit'

I am not sure how to, in this limited space, talk about pre correction. But, for this age group it is the way to go. Well, it is best for any age group to fully understand what is expected of them … maybe you can google it, or gets books from the library?

Anyway, you practice with the kids; Like you practice a fire drill when there is no fire. So, that when there is a fire, all can remain calm and do what they need to do

Practice social skills in the same way, practice what to do if a classmate does hit you, practice how to avoid such situations .... practice using kind hands, kind words … help them understand what that means. Most adults assume kids just ‘get this’ but they don’t. They have to be taught.

Now, I don't know what you all call time out, but in all the pre schools I worked, time out was used and very important.

Kids have to have a place they can go cool off and think

How we used that time out varied with each kid and each incident because the motivation behind the behavior differed each time and a child's reaction was specific to that child

Remember that all behavior has a function. You can best alter the behavior if you understand its function

You will react to an over tired two yr old who is screaming differently then you will to a screaming kid who has just been knocked over the head with a lego.

And, again, I have no idea what you all call time out, but I have seen this used as a harsh punishment and it does humiliate the child, shames them, leaves them frightened ... so maybe in a typical government fashion they ban it everywhere because it is not working in one case over there

Jenni - posted on 09/24/2011

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Thanks Kellie,

Yup, we'd love to have you in our community. The ladies will have some really helpful advice for you on positive behaviour strategies.



Timeouts can be used as a punishment *Or* you can use them in a positive way. I sit with my child in timeout. We do it together and it is used as a way to just collect themselves and calm down. It's not humilating to take a break from the action when you're feeling overwhelmed which leads to negative reactions (in children) like hitting, biting, screaming, tantrums, toy throwing etc.



Removing the child to a quiet location so they cannot hurt anyone else and cannot continue negative behaviour, is not humilating. Some people call this a 'time-in. Sit with them, help them breathe, count to ten, do jumping jacks, squeeze a stuffed animal, through their anger and frustration... once they are calm, address the issue and keep the message short and simple: "It's ok to be mad, but we don't hit. It hurts. Use your words and say: "I'm really mad!"

Or

"It's ok to be mad, but we don't bite. It hurts! We come sit here and calm down."



Praise whenever you see your daycare (is it?) children responding to their emotions with maturity (ie: going off to a quiet corner to calm down, using their words etc.) I wouldn't be totally opposed to giving them stickers when they react appropriately to negative emotions. "Wow! I love how you used your words to tell Chrissey you're mad because she took the toy off you. You earned a 'I used my words' sticker!" Just to give the child a physical reminder of their appropriate reaction.

or

"You took your own 'timeout' (I would recommend coming up with a fun name to call it in your daycare) when you were mad! You earned a 'timeout' sticker!"



Create your own 'timeout' area. A comfy area away from the action to take quiet time. You could name it the "Reflection Pool" or the "Quite Time Spot". A pleasing, calming area for your charges to sit with you and reflect or calm down or go to on their own when they are feeling frustrated, angry, upset.



Once they are calm, always try to help them solve the problem.



"I know you want the toy Evan is play with, how about we ask him to take turns?"

or

"When Evan is done with it, you can have a turn. How about we go fingerpaint while we wait."

Keri - posted on 09/29/2011

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Redirect. When I worked at an infant toddler center we had one child that kept biting. We found a big stuffed raccoon that was his frustration toy. When he was acting out we told him he could be mad at the raccoon and he would beat it up. Keep in mind he was 15 months old, but it worked great. He could get over whatever was bothering him and go back to playing with the other kids.

Naomi - posted on 09/25/2011

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We use "refocus". Set up an area with a desk and chair, make a sign with visual cues and directions to do three things. Think about what happened, what they did when it happened and what they should have done? Have pencils, crayons and paper supplies ready for responses. They can write or draw about their experience so it works for any age or ability. Get all parties involved, then everyone can share about what happened and work together to solve conflicts and noone feels singled out while they are learning valuable lessons.

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Kelly - posted on 09/30/2011

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I like that idea Keri.. buit..why was the child so mad he felt he had to act out in the first place. The real issue wasn't being addressed.. did the parents do anything to resolve? I remember working in a daycare long time ago and they had a 3 strikes rule.. if your child bites or hits another child three times they aren't comming back in. I liked it because it forced the parents to deal with the issue instead of letting us attempt to handle it with a series of timeouts. I like Naomi's idea of 'solving conflicts' that way the child learns how to handle or cope.
There are some great posts here.. I know I've learned a thing or two. Thanks ladies!
Kellz

Kelly - posted on 09/27/2011

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What in the hell is this world comming to. All of our lives we strive for acceptance. Acceptance amongst our peers. Humiliation is one way of not gaining that acceptance amongst our peers and therefore becomes something we just don't do. The only thing I can think of besides physical punishment and time out is to take away the toy that they want to play with, but I don't think a child will understand that their actions were wrong by doing that. That type of grounding usually only works with older kids who have a gaming system or something like that. Just another reason I think the real parents should be raising the children so that they can punish their own child when and how they deem appropriate.

Tcordukes - posted on 09/25/2011

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Thanks ladies, Time outs to me is somewere fro a children to calm down, relax.etc.. I always talk to a child about why they are there and better ways to deal with what ever situation, Most of the time they are sent to reflect because a behaviour has continued over time, punishment may be the wrong word to use. However their are some child who we try giving choses too, postive praise when they do the correct thing. and we still have major behavorial problems is and sometimes removing them from the situation is best for all involved. I personal don't see how sending someone to somewhre quiet to think about what they are saying and doing can be humiliating which i guess is why i'm straggling with this new thing. i think when time outs are used correctly they can work great and it is also something that is happening in alot of homes so why not at daycare.

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