Janet - posted on 01/02/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )
My situation is a bit complicated. Basically the Child Protection Plans for my teenage children are about to end. My eldest (16.5 year old) lives with me and my youngest (14.5 year old) lives with his father. My eldest has autism and mental health issues and my husband and younger sons were names as perpetrators of abuse towards him. My husband was also a perpetrator of abuse towards my youngest, but the authorities, in their wisdom, felt it was safe enough to leave the boy in my husband's care. After 6 months my eldest is much more stable and I work from home so that i can care for him. My youngest, however, is constantly fighting and arguing with my husband and social services have asked if we (parents) will agree to a voluntary fostering arrangement. I have debated this and I feel, on reflection, a better solution could be that he lives with me and his brother.
Yet, I am not very good at managing behaviour. I tend to be very passive and inconsistent when it comes to enforcing boundaries and assuring respectful behaviour. It may take a few weeks before I can prepare a home for both my sons and I desperately want a few tips on how to manage our very intelligent and loving but aggressive, volatile and damaged 14 year old son. I cannot risk noisy confrontation because this would result in emotional meltdown and increased instability in my eldest.
Are there any 'strong' parents out there who can give me any tips? A list of 'don'ts' might be a bit more effective to start with. Our family social worker simply tells me that my son is out of control and he needs to be in a more stable environment. They have not told me how I could make my home a stable environment for him or how I can gain control. I would appreciate any advice at all.